To think this was not funny and be upset

[Flutterbybudget]

I go out with a friend most weeks, and she’s a real sweetheart - when she’s sober. When she’s drunk, she’s really funny. We have a good laugh. We’re both single, and we both flirt a bit, and sometimes she makes slightly inappropriate remarks, but always in the context of the conversation. But this week, in my mind she overstepped the mark.
We were talking to a group of young lads, we know one of them, and out of the blue, she tells them that I have an STI because I will sleep with anyone. (Neither true). She thinks I’m over reacting because I said that I was embarrassed and that I don’t feel I want to go out drinking again for a bit. She says that they knew she was joking, but I only know one of them and they know my kids.
So, am I over reacting, or is that just “not a joke”?

That's not an apology, not by any stretch of the imagination. She needs to properly apologise, or just fuck off. And you need to tell her that.

She isn’t lovely - sorry.
It’s hard when you have to realise things like this but honestly, the comment might have been the drink talking. The apology is who she is.

It’s sexist because only women are slut shamed, not men

the shame was more that she had an sti though,it's different to slut shaming.

That would be the end of the friendship for me. I'd never have anything to do with her again, what an absolutely disgusting way to behave. "Drunk" is no excuse.

I think if they were a group of strangers you'd never see again I'd laugh it off but the fact was that the op has kids and 1 of the lads knew her just takes it all to a different level as it taints the op and her kids with a bad story attached to the family. Because people talk.

She knows what she did. I would tell her that the friendship was over.

I’d ask her to explain exactly how her comment was funny, @Flutterbybudget - I’m willing to bet she won’t be able to - and she may realise how offensive she actually was.

If she can't see why you're upset now she's sober, she's not that lovely.

you're both my age, a bunch of 'lads' probably think it's entirely irrelevant whether you have a STD or not frankly.

you don't have to wear your slippers & stay home with a cup of cocoa, but you could try acting your age, not like you're still in your 20's.

She sounds like a desperate 'pick me'. She should be apologising profusely. Nasty thing to say.

Is she very young, OP?

It is unfunny and unkind regardless but just wondering why that sort of conversation would even start between adults.

Apologies! Just saw that you're both 50s!

She sounds bonkers as well as very unkind.

It’s not a joke unless both of you are laughing, even then applying this logic is stretching it. Maybe she was jealous of the attention you were getting?

So your friend won't be upset if you were to return the favour and ask her if her STI is clearing up in front of someone else? Say, in the coffee shop at a garden centre.

She has had too much to drink, don't cut her off but have a meeting when she's sober and say what is acceptable , even when she's drunk

She’s sober today and says it was “just a joke”

Ironically she’ll be the one that folk would want to avoid after that “joke”

If you've ever laughed at this sort of 'joke' or along those lines, or that sort of gist or enjoy when she is being funny like this then its not much of a surprise that she'll wonder why you are reacting the way you are.

I am making massive assumptions but I can picture the pair of you, drunk, shrieking with laughter, attracting attention from anywhere and anyone but if its not aimed at you, you've probably been ok with it.

Why would you be talking to a group of young lads anyway while drunk? Inevitably someone is going to say something off colour, think that they're hilarious and its all just 'banter' and be in quite poor taste.

Yes Im being judgemental.

She's sober! wow definitely not acceptable , so would have a stern word not to behave in this way, or make such comments

What was the reaction from the lads? 😮

Chinneytroubles

shock

Bellac11

I haven’t
she’s never said anything like that before
we don’t, we DO take the piss out of ourselves, but not like that

why would we be talking to a group of young lads? Because we live in a small town, and everyone in our local pub mingles with everyone else, and we used to work with one of them. When we walk into a pub/ coffee shop/ Tesco or anywhere else, it’s a constant steam of “hi” “hey” “how you doing” “do you need another drink” from the time we arrive, to the time we leave

yes, you’re making assumptions and being rather judgemental

but it’s mumsnet, and I’m prepared to accept that not everyone agrees with me

Why would you be talking to a group of young lads anyway while drunk? Inevitably someone is going to say something off colour, think that they're hilarious and its all just 'banter' and be in quite poor taste

In small towns people generally do as everybody knows each other;that and it's a bar so it's a public place-conversations happen with all age groups.

Fair enough, the problem is that 'taking the piss out of ourselves' will sound different to one person to another. She clearly thought it was a funny joke which meant nothing and for you its not (and in my opinion you're right)

Problem is, getting drunk with people will sometimes lead to stuff like this. We all think we're hilarious and interesting when we've had a few and dont really have the filter we should have.

Yeah that was really offensive, did she think one of them fancied you? It’s the sort of bitchy put down sone women do to put men off you.

Trying to belittle you.