Manners-leaving the table whilst others still eating

[Crazyenglishsummer]

Is this rude?

Dh frequently does this after finishing his meal, leaving Dd (4) still eating our meal together. I always find it a bit rushed and rude, I’d prefer us to take our time and sit at least for a little while whilst we finished.
Had my parents over for dinner tonight and noticed Dh and Df got up to put things away whilst Dm was still eating. I’d finished but just naturally sat there.

Is this rude or am I being too uptight?

I am relaxed about this with a usual family dinner, but if we had extended family or guests then of course I agree it’s rude to leave the table.

I hate this! My DMIL (who I otherwise love) is terrible for it cas soon as she's finished she's up and clearing up whilst we are still mid meal. She had the appetite of a sparrow so always finished really early. She then complains regularly about being the only one doing the washing up and how no one else helps her. - we're still blooming eating.

@Crazyenglishsummer

I'd find that unpleasant (not really the word I want, but can't think of a better one just this minute). Rude seems like manners for manners sake (like making kids ask to leave the table, something I think is important for them to learn), but from a partner it would feel like they couldn't wait to get away. Why not just chat for a bit?

This discussion again ... It's only rude if it is different to your own expectations and you are not prepared to accept an alternate view.

I was brought up in a family where it was rude to leave the table before everybody had finished. DH was brought up in a family where it was normal for each person to leave the table when they finished to clear their own plates, so that they didn't sit there watching the one slow eater finish their meal.

Two different childhoods, two different approaches to the situation. Neither are right or wrong.

My children have to ask to leave the table, probably a bit old fashioned now but it's what DH and I had to do as children and we have just carried it on.

No it’s not rude. That’s such an old fashioned rule and I think only really applied for formal dinners or if eating with royalty (that you don’t leave until the Queen is finished eating).

But amongst normal people having every day meals, you shouldn’t have to sit and watch the last person(s) eating. It just makes whoever is slower uncomfortable and the centre of attention. In fact, as you’d finished eating and said you did nothing, I’d think sitting there like a lazy lump when I’m starting on putting away leftovers and doing the washing up is rude.

Oh I think that's very bad form.

But maybe I'm an old drone.

Yes, it’s rude to leave the table while others are still eating. But it is possible to leave the table early without being rude by excusing yourself first.

It’s rude to assume that someone else has no manners just because they were brought up differently to you @Crazyenglishsummer who are you to decide what constitutes bad manners and what doesn’t?

in my upbringing you started your food the minute you got your plate and when you finished eating it was normal to get up and clear your plate away and either sit back at table or on couch if you wanted. There were 7 of us in the family and usually whoever finished first (usually me!) would get up so my DM could sit down and eat as otherwise they table was quite squashed. Same re getting dinner - if you waited for everyone to have their food before starting your food would be freezing. We now all have other halves and children of our own so a family dinner at my parents is for 17 people - people start eating when they get their food and again feel free to get up when they’re done to start clearing up or to play with their child or do whatever they want. It’s a lovely happy friendly home not constrained by ridiculous rules and luckily no one has married an uptight judgemental person like you who would no doubt sit there with pursed lips about how everyone is being ‘rude’

I'm the "rude" one!

Dh is a painfully slow eater. I like my food hot, he waits a good 5 mins to let it get cold cool right down before eating and even then eats so sloooowly. While we do talk for a bit, ds and I don't wait until the end.

Obviously if we have guests it is different as the whole point is socialising.

Yes I think it's rude. Especially if he's just going off to watch telly or play on his phone etc. Slightly more acceptable if DC is taking ages to eat and DH needs to get ready to go out or is making a start on clearing the kitchen or something.

What's the point of it though?

So whoever is a slow eater gets to control whether a quick eater can leave the table? That sounds very unfair to me and I can see such authority being abused tbh. As in no you can’t leave the table and then the person lingers deliberately.

It depends, my DH just picks at his dinner if I waited for him to finish I’d end up starting on breakfast as he finished.

My DH eats fast and does this but our dining table is in the kitchen and he gets up to get a start on cleaning the explosive mess I manage to make when I cook, while still being able to chat with me and DS - so I’m not complaining 😂

But just getting up and leaving the room? That’s really rude.

I recall as a child growing up we could leave the table once we were done eating but recall eating at friends' houses and them saying "may I leave the table, please?" and thinking wtf, you're finished so go! I think we considered this a posh thing. Kids don't want to be sat around waiting for adults to finish, it's boring and they could be playing etc.
As an adult I stay at table until everyone is finished as have to clear the plates anyway so can't disappear off to my bedroom to do homework.
I do think it's rude to start eating before the host has sat down though.

Of course it's rude. Everyone should be still at the table until all have finished eating. This is how children learn to behave in the real world, as well as giving them a chance to develop proper conversational skills.

It is rude. As is starting to eat before everyone is seated. Meals are for conversation and socialising not shove it down your throat as quickly as possible and fuck off again!

I wouldn’t say it’s old fashioned, it’s just good manners.

I don’t mind in an informal setting so long as they ask. It’s common courtesy for children to ask if they may be excused, and for my husband to say ‘my thing has just started do you mind if I go and watch it?’

Of course it’s not something I’m going to pull him up on say no to, but it is something I’d be miffed about if everyone just got up and left with nary a word.

If at home or close family I have no issues.
At a dinner party..I sit until the end 😃

I must be rude then. There's only DH and me and I eat faster than he does. Also he eats more than I do and so takes longer over meals. I'm certainly not going to sit there staring at him and listening to him chomping. It's not a dinner party (where I would sit and wait), and I've always got better things to do.

Manners for manners sake IMO.

Why? Why does everyone have to sit at the table until everyone is finished?

On a similar note, my sister really irritates me when she and her DH come to lunch.

I'll serve them first and then go back to the kitchen for my lunch and when I get back, she'll be there staring at the food letting it get cold because she says it's bad manners to start eating before everyone is served.

It might be her idea of bad manners, but my idea of bad manners is to let the food go cold that someone has cooked for you.