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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is basic competence that an intoxicated slug could manage

72 replies

incompetentdh · 23/07/2022 11:16

Kids have a new garden toy that we are setting up today. Turns out we need a 1/2inch deep socket to complete the assembly. My husband volunteers to get this socket. I’m normally the one that gets the tools, lightbulbs, batteries and other household essentials but I assume being a grown adult he can manage.

When at the shop he calls me to ask which socket he needs. I send him a screenshot of the manual and remind him that it needs to be a deep socket. He calls again to ask for the socket size in metric- since apparently Google is not available to him, I search the conversion on my phone and let him know that 1/2 inch socket is same as a 13mm one. He calls for the third time to ask for a specific depth, I don’t know what depth is needed but generally shops sell standard or deep (something that I found out myself today on Google- I’m not a socket expert). Since I can’t give a specific depth, DH says he’s going to buy a deep socket set to make sure he has the right one instead of a single 13mm deep socket for £1.69. I say fine.

He comes home and has already opened the socket set which is the first time I see that he’s bought a 94 piece deep socket set for £83 - which is around the same cost as the garden toy we need this single use tool for!!!! I ask him wtf he was thinking and tell him to take it back to the shop - he says he can’t because he’s ripped all the packaging (instead of opening it nicely)! I asked why he didn’t use common sense to know you don’t spend that amount on something you are only going to use once- that unless he retrains as a handyman it’s a monumental waste of money. He blames me since apparently I said it was fine to buy a socket set (not once did he mention the price). Now he’s not speaking to me as apparently I was rude. Also a quick Google online tells me he spent £30 more buying the socket set at B&Q than he would have at Wickes or Screwfix. When I am spending more than £20 I always shop around for the best price (unless it’s an emergency which this wasn’t).

Aibu to react this way?! I find it frustrating that I can’t trust him with basic common sense. Money isn’t flowing for us either - we bought a couple of big garden toys to keep the kids entertained this summer in lieu of going on holiday this year. It seems madness to me to spend the same amount- we could have put that money towards a couple of other garden toys or a day out. Also not sure how to fix this - given he overpaid we can’t even make half the amount back if we resell this on FB marketplace.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 23/07/2022 11:20

Why are you fixing anything?
He sounds frustrating but I don’t think the situation warrants this level of annoyance

ladydimitrescu · 23/07/2022 11:21

I think you've over reacted to be honest - he's got what you need, if you are so much more capable of shopping around for the best price, and knew exactly what you needed, you could have gone yourself.

Ontomatopea · 23/07/2022 11:21

Have you never made a mistake in your life?

Ontomatopea · 23/07/2022 11:22

ladydimitrescu · 23/07/2022 11:21

I think you've over reacted to be honest - he's got what you need, if you are so much more capable of shopping around for the best price, and knew exactly what you needed, you could have gone yourself.

I agree with this. If you were the most confident to go and get the thing then you should have just gone to get the thing

incompetentdh · 23/07/2022 11:23

ladydimitrescu · 23/07/2022 11:21

I think you've over reacted to be honest - he's got what you need, if you are so much more capable of shopping around for the best price, and knew exactly what you needed, you could have gone yourself.

I would have happily gone myself but he wanted to go (easier than staying home with the kids I imagine)!

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 23/07/2022 11:23

I recommend click and collect. Added bonus of knowing its definitely in stock before you go somewhere.

incompetentdh · 23/07/2022 11:25

Hoppinggreen · 23/07/2022 11:20

Why are you fixing anything?
He sounds frustrating but I don’t think the situation warrants this level of annoyance

Because it’s money which would be helpful in other places right now.

Maybe I’ve overreacted though and happy to accept that if that’s the consensus.

OP posts:
WhichBitchIsWhich · 23/07/2022 11:27

I'd be fucking steaming if my DH spent an extra £80+ instead of just buying the under £2 item he went out for! That could be twice the weekly food budget for some families.

OP - he's a fool.

SlashBeef · 23/07/2022 11:27

I'd be so annoyed. Don't think there's anything much you can do now but yanbu. It sounds like something my DH would do 🙄

Topgub · 23/07/2022 11:31

Yanbu

I'dake him take it back, ripped packaging and all.

They might still give a refund if you have the receipt showing you only bought it today.

Hoppinggreen · 23/07/2022 11:31

If his daft overspending causes a shortage elsewhere then I can see why you would be so annoyed

MolliciousIntent · 23/07/2022 11:32

Weaponised incompetence.

Discwriter · 23/07/2022 11:34

I'd also be fuming OP. This is exactly the type of incompetence my stbxh would display.

JustAnotherViper · 23/07/2022 11:34

B&Q has excellent customer service and will take it back.

send him back for a refund and the right item

magicstar1 · 23/07/2022 11:35

He’s an idiot. I’d be completely pissed off with him for wasting that money.

ItsDangerousInKingsmarkham · 23/07/2022 11:35

How on earth are you being accused of over reacting? I'd be extremely annoyed by this.

To be honest if I was asked to go buy a socket set I wouldn't have a clue wtf it was. I may even check a few times with the person who had sent me as I wouldn't feel too confident in my choices. What I wouldn't do is spend £83 on it and then rip it open immediately without checking it was the correct item!

I sometimes think my DH is a bit daft/helpless but he'd never waste money like this.

darlingdodo · 23/07/2022 11:37

I'd not be happy either OP. What a waste.

skinoncustard · 23/07/2022 11:37

I would be livid too. You needed a 13mm deep socket, the shop had one for £1.69. Who in there right mind thinks “no , I’ll spend £83 and get 93 other bits I don’t need, and just to be really clever I’ll rip open the package ( like a child with a new toy ) before I even get home . There is no excuse for this level of stupidity.

MadamOracle · 23/07/2022 11:39

I’d be really cross. Who can afford to blow £80 in this economic climate? What was he thinking? Does he have no common sense?

£80 would feed us for two weeks.

comfortablyfrumpy · 23/07/2022 11:40

skinoncustard · 23/07/2022 11:37

I would be livid too. You needed a 13mm deep socket, the shop had one for £1.69. Who in there right mind thinks “no , I’ll spend £83 and get 93 other bits I don’t need, and just to be really clever I’ll rip open the package ( like a child with a new toy ) before I even get home . There is no excuse for this level of stupidity.

This entirely.

Craver · 23/07/2022 11:41

Tool of the highest order. I'd take him back to the shop & try to exchange him for something useful.

TempName01 · 23/07/2022 11:41

He need ps to go back and try to return it, at least get a credit note if not a refund

SuperlativeOxymoron · 23/07/2022 11:41

Hes a numpty! I'd be annoyed. However, on a positive it is future proofing your toolkit. Equally, if definitely none returnable, you'll be able to sell them on easily.

My parents downsized last year and my dad (engineer) had duplicates and in some cases 3rds and 4ths of some tools. He sold the extras and some of the stuff he knew he wouldn't use again. It all went really easily within days in most cases a couple of weeks for others.

Babdoc · 23/07/2022 11:42

I’m with team “DH is an idiot”.

GodisaBC · 23/07/2022 11:43

Tell him he has to take it back. Why on earth should op do things herself, he’s a grown adult. Please don’t enable him anymore.
I say regularly to my 14 year old, I’m not doing your thinking for you.

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