to think this is basic competence that an intoxicated slug could manage

[incompetentdh]

Kids have a new garden toy that we are setting up today. Turns out we need a 1/2inch deep socket to complete the assembly. My husband volunteers to get this socket. I’m normally the one that gets the tools, lightbulbs, batteries and other household essentials but I assume being a grown adult he can manage.

When at the shop he calls me to ask which socket he needs. I send him a screenshot of the manual and remind him that it needs to be a deep socket. He calls again to ask for the socket size in metric- since apparently Google is not available to him, I search the conversion on my phone and let him know that 1/2 inch socket is same as a 13mm one. He calls for the third time to ask for a specific depth, I don’t know what depth is needed but generally shops sell standard or deep (something that I found out myself today on Google- I’m not a socket expert). Since I can’t give a specific depth, DH says he’s going to buy a deep socket set to make sure he has the right one instead of a single 13mm deep socket for £1.69. I say fine.

He comes home and has already opened the socket set which is the first time I see that he’s bought a 94 piece deep socket set for £83 - which is around the same cost as the garden toy we need this single use tool for!!!! I ask him wtf he was thinking and tell him to take it back to the shop - he says he can’t because he’s ripped all the packaging (instead of opening it nicely)! I asked why he didn’t use common sense to know you don’t spend that amount on something you are only going to use once- that unless he retrains as a handyman it’s a monumental waste of money. He blames me since apparently I said it was fine to buy a socket set (not once did he mention the price). Now he’s not speaking to me as apparently I was rude. Also a quick Google online tells me he spent £30 more buying the socket set at B&Q than he would have at Wickes or Screwfix. When I am spending more than £20 I always shop around for the best price (unless it’s an emergency which this wasn’t).

Aibu to react this way?! I find it frustrating that I can’t trust him with basic common sense. Money isn’t flowing for us either - we bought a couple of big garden toys to keep the kids entertained this summer in lieu of going on holiday this year. It seems madness to me to spend the same amount- we could have put that money towards a couple of other garden toys or a day out. Also not sure how to fix this - given he overpaid we can’t even make half the amount back if we resell this on FB marketplace.

The fact you have gone out of your way to resolve this should not lessen your rage. If anything it's should stoke it.

How much effort has he put in to fixing this?

I mean also why didn’t he just ask someone who worked in the shop?? Bizarre

I do think I'd have an absolute stress head on me in his position and would probably ask stupid questions assuming dh had more info than the manual. But when in doubt don't spend £90 without checking can it be returned and don't bloody open it. I find tights, lightbulbs, boxers, some batteries, any kind of nuts and bolts so confusing when there's 3 or 4 variables to keep track of. But I'd always err on the cautious size and buy a few options and make sure I can return them.

I get that he didn't want to get the wrong one but being a bit anxious about getting the right thing would mean buying the size he thought was correct then to be on the safe size one or two other sizes (for probably less than <£10 all in) on the basis that you could return the ones you didn't need. Buying a complete set and damaging the packaging is just ludicrous and I'd be pissed off too OP.

Haha true but this is just a daily occurrence whenever I ask him to do something that I’m used to it and only get annoyed if there’s a monetary loss. He hasn’t done anything to fix it but has said we might need the other 93 socket sizes in future??! To which I replied that if that was the case in that hypothetical situation, we could buy that specific socket size for less than £2 five years down the line.

A recent example is when I was assembling a bookcase and needed to reduce the height of the bookcase to fit into a specific nook. I was going out with the kids and he offered to do it, I said no because he didn’t know the size of the cuts I wanted to make or the measurements for drill holes. When I got home, he had attempted to make the cuts and attach the shelves in the new places - getting the height too short, unlevel and completely splitting the MDF in multiple places rendering the bookcase unusable. When I expressed my frustration that he didn’t wait for me to do it, he said- “see, this is why I don’t help out as you’re always critical”. Sometimes I do think it’s strategic incompetence because at work he runs whole teams.

And this is the reason my OH isn't allowed near my tools.

I'd be seething too. What a twat.

Update - I sellotaped the box up and asked him to take it back to the shop, and he’s refused as he thinks the 94 piece set is useful (even though half of the tools in the set are duplicates of things we have in other sets) . Looks like he just wanted an excuse to needlessly spend on tools he never uses since we mostly get a handyman in or I set things up. So I’m just going to leave it and file this one in the bank for when I want to buy myself something. As fixing the mistake is just reinforcing that it’s my job to “fix” things.

Yep, or you're married to a bona fide idiot.

Anyone defending this man is a handmaiden or married to a similarly lazy fuckwit and genuinely doesn’t see the problem.

Either your. husband thinks nothing is his problem and for you to deal with- spends, home maintenance, all of it. He’s far too important. Or he’s just useless, which is sad as you will be project manager forever.

I would say a good socket set is worth it, although we have a good quality one that gets a fair amount of use. If he just chose a random one, and since there are now a lot of duplicates that won't be used, then it's a waste of money.

at work he runs whole teams

They might think he's an idiot as well

He's wasted family money and refuses to fix it. I'd be raging.

The shop should not take it back it's ripped open.

God this is like people who think it's their right to wear a dress for a night out with tags on and send it back the following day.

YANBU.
If he said a set instead of a single one I’d expect it to cost £10 instead of £2 AT MOST.
But £80?
It doesn’t take a genius to stop and think just how much more expensive that is. How could he just buy it?
Unless he earns £££ he’ll have to make up the hole in the family budget

Also yes he’s doing it deliberately. Or his manly ego is bruised because h can’t handle you doing man jobs so he has to go in and screw it up. Chris sakes.

He just comes over as more of a weird twat, than an incompetent fool, with every post.

id have taken the card he paid with & returned it myself.

Youre cutting back as money is tight. You do not need. A huge set, even traders don't! There are half a dozen useful sizes that will cover most everything you ever need.

It sounds best he's not allowed near any tools anyway.

as for the bookcase, I'd have been furious. 'Helping' doesn't make a piece of furniture unfit for use! Idiot.

That bookcase story though

Next time do a click and collect at screwfix, then he can't get it wrong. You shouldn't have to, but it's better than this.

My exH was crap at anything DIY (he doesn't think so) but did like to buy expensive tools (very much in his own image) which he took with him so be could disappoint other women.

It must be fantastic to be married to someone (man or woman) who's very capable at DIY. I think that every time I get my handyman over to do a job. Or equally to be very capable yourself.

Well I'm with you OP. My husband is great at projects and DIY and can park a 40 footer within an inch of its life, but ask him to do a simple shopping task or feed a cat or some such thing he's a complete tool. I broke my back and when I left hospital asked him to bring me clothes to wear home... in he trots with the tightest pair of jeans in my wardrobe and a pair of heeled boots... it's always the same... whenever I ask him to get anything it's phone call after phone call and then he doesn't always get it right... it is frustrating and if the boot was on the other foot he'd rip me a new one.

For those that aren't clear on the difference between a deep and standard socket.
Necessary when a nut or bolt is located in a deep hole or the nut needs to screw a long way down onto a bolt or stud in a recessed hole stopping you from using a spanner.

No excuse to buy a full set when the one size you need is available (and your unlikely to need the rest). At worst you would

Sounds as if you'll end up taking the socket set back with the receipt and his card to get a refund ! He only said he'll keep it because men can't abide admitting they have made a mistake
I can sympathize with his phone not working in the shop as my phone does this sometimes too, but maybe next time screenshot the exact thing you need to his photos so he can check his photo next to the item. Or pre order it first online maybe?
(I admit I wouldn't have a clue about sockets myself or any good at diy and Dh only knows the basics, so not being judgy here)