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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is basic competence that an intoxicated slug could manage

72 replies

incompetentdh · 23/07/2022 11:16

Kids have a new garden toy that we are setting up today. Turns out we need a 1/2inch deep socket to complete the assembly. My husband volunteers to get this socket. I’m normally the one that gets the tools, lightbulbs, batteries and other household essentials but I assume being a grown adult he can manage.

When at the shop he calls me to ask which socket he needs. I send him a screenshot of the manual and remind him that it needs to be a deep socket. He calls again to ask for the socket size in metric- since apparently Google is not available to him, I search the conversion on my phone and let him know that 1/2 inch socket is same as a 13mm one. He calls for the third time to ask for a specific depth, I don’t know what depth is needed but generally shops sell standard or deep (something that I found out myself today on Google- I’m not a socket expert). Since I can’t give a specific depth, DH says he’s going to buy a deep socket set to make sure he has the right one instead of a single 13mm deep socket for £1.69. I say fine.

He comes home and has already opened the socket set which is the first time I see that he’s bought a 94 piece deep socket set for £83 - which is around the same cost as the garden toy we need this single use tool for!!!! I ask him wtf he was thinking and tell him to take it back to the shop - he says he can’t because he’s ripped all the packaging (instead of opening it nicely)! I asked why he didn’t use common sense to know you don’t spend that amount on something you are only going to use once- that unless he retrains as a handyman it’s a monumental waste of money. He blames me since apparently I said it was fine to buy a socket set (not once did he mention the price). Now he’s not speaking to me as apparently I was rude. Also a quick Google online tells me he spent £30 more buying the socket set at B&Q than he would have at Wickes or Screwfix. When I am spending more than £20 I always shop around for the best price (unless it’s an emergency which this wasn’t).

Aibu to react this way?! I find it frustrating that I can’t trust him with basic common sense. Money isn’t flowing for us either - we bought a couple of big garden toys to keep the kids entertained this summer in lieu of going on holiday this year. It seems madness to me to spend the same amount- we could have put that money towards a couple of other garden toys or a day out. Also not sure how to fix this - given he overpaid we can’t even make half the amount back if we resell this on FB marketplace.

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 23/07/2022 11:45

You're not overreacting. £83 on a socket set is daylight robbery! I'd be furious too.

WhiteFire · 23/07/2022 11:47

What a waste of money, fair enough buying a socket set but there were many for much less money.

On the other hand he could be like my DH who would still be there deciding which to buy, if he should etc. He can't just buy something without a massive thought process going into it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/07/2022 11:47

Make sure you take that socket set and lock it away where he can't get to it. Otherwise it'll disappear and you'll never be able to find the ratchet because he's decided to keep that separately and the 11 and 13mm sockets will never, ever be in the case when you've actually managed to hunt that and the ratchet down.

I speak from experience. It's a nightmare looking for my tools only to find that they've disappeared into the void that is DP collecting them 'to keep them together' when I already had a tool box and cupboard to keep everything in perfect functional order.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 23/07/2022 11:49

I don't think your overreacting. It must be exhausting to live with someone so incompetent and useless.

I would be raging for at least how many hours of work it would've cost. And then ensured that he didn't get a single thing until I'd received a luxury of similar value.

What and absolute moron.

user1471447863 · 23/07/2022 11:49

But a deep socket set isn't likely to have different depths - just sockets for different nut sizes so he's in the exact same boat as buying a single 13mm one 🤷‍♂️
And different depths is generally irrelevant unless you are in a particularly tight location - usually need just as deep as you can get.
You didn't overreact.

Did it get the job done though?

PonyPatter44 · 23/07/2022 11:53

Craver · 23/07/2022 11:41

Tool of the highest order. I'd take him back to the shop & try to exchange him for something useful.

Exactly my thoughts!

incompetentdh · 23/07/2022 11:56

user1471447863 · 23/07/2022 11:49

But a deep socket set isn't likely to have different depths - just sockets for different nut sizes so he's in the exact same boat as buying a single 13mm one 🤷‍♂️
And different depths is generally irrelevant unless you are in a particularly tight location - usually need just as deep as you can get.
You didn't overreact.

Did it get the job done though?

I didn’t know this so thanks for the useful information. It’s not a tight spot so this means we could have definitely made to with the single deep socket?! Arghhh so frustrating.

We haven’t done the job yet as he’s not speaking to me and it’s a 2 person set up. Also I might try and return it ripped packaging and all as a pp suggested - so I am reluctant to use the socket set before trying this.

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 23/07/2022 12:08

I can't believe he has the audacity to give YOU the silent treatment as punishment for his own stupidity.

Needmorelego · 23/07/2022 12:19

If the packaging can be sellotaped up the shop might take it back.
To sell it again the shop might have to knock a couple of quid off but they do that for damaged packaging all the time.
If not I would try and sell it. If you market it as "used once" you could probably get a decent price for it.

Howmanysleepsnow · 23/07/2022 12:27

Hmm…
If b&q won’t accept the return could you buy it again from Wickes for £30 less, and then return the unopened one to b&q? Then fb marketplace the opened one once you’ve put the toy together. You could at least recoup some of your money that way.

incompetentdh · 23/07/2022 12:32

Howmanysleepsnow · 23/07/2022 12:27

Hmm…
If b&q won’t accept the return could you buy it again from Wickes for £30 less, and then return the unopened one to b&q? Then fb marketplace the opened one once you’ve put the toy together. You could at least recoup some of your money that way.

Wow I like your thinking - that’s brilliant! Will do this plan.

All this hassle because he didn’t stick to buying the £1.69 socket he went to the shop for.

I don’t feel so bad now knowing we have options to fix this- I think my initial reaction to my husband because I thought that money had gone down the drain.

Glad I posted as have had some great suggestions to recoup the loss.

OP posts:
SpeckledlyHen · 23/07/2022 12:32

Howmanysleepsnow · 23/07/2022 12:27

Hmm…
If b&q won’t accept the return could you buy it again from Wickes for £30 less, and then return the unopened one to b&q? Then fb marketplace the opened one once you’ve put the toy together. You could at least recoup some of your money that way.

Brilliant idea.

MrsWooster · 23/07/2022 12:33

MolliciousIntent · 23/07/2022 11:32

Weaponised incompetence.

I came to say exactly this. Take it back and beg B&Q for help

RudsyFarmer · 23/07/2022 12:35

He sounds like a man who is micro managed and terrified of fucking it up.

Testina · 23/07/2022 12:36

Topgub · 23/07/2022 11:31

Yanbu

I'dake him take it back, ripped packaging and all.

They might still give a refund if you have the receipt showing you only bought it today.

Why would buying it today make any difference?!
The packaging is ripped, they won’t take it back.

Testina · 23/07/2022 12:37

TibetanTerrah · 23/07/2022 12:08

I can't believe he has the audacity to give YOU the silent treatment as punishment for his own stupidity.

Yeah this.
I’d be raging.

gogohmm · 23/07/2022 12:39

Sounds like he fancied a socket set, so manly! My ex would nip to buy a small thing for a diy job and come back with a £150 tool!

incompetentdh · 23/07/2022 12:41

RudsyFarmer · 23/07/2022 12:35

He sounds like a man who is micro managed and terrified of fucking it up.

In what way haha?! He was the one that called me 3 times to ask for the same information that I showed him on the manual before he left, or that he could have found on Google.

Its hilarious I have been accused of micromanaging - as someone with ADHD being the “competent” one in the house is exhausting and so against my natural skill set lol (not saying everyone with ADHD struggles with organising people but that is one of the things I find difficult and would appreciate my husbands help with).

OP posts:
IcedOatLatte · 23/07/2022 12:44

RudsyFarmer · 23/07/2022 12:35

He sounds like a man who is micro managed and terrified of fucking it up.

To me he sounds like an incompetant idiot, why would a adult fuck up a simple purchase in the first place of if he thinks it might not be the right thing it's not unreasonable to assume he has the luxury of a phone to send a picture on. And you'd have to be even more useless to think £83 was a reasonable amount

Like others that's more than half a week's food bill for me

IsadoraQuagmire · 23/07/2022 12:46

Howmanysleepsnow · 23/07/2022 12:27

Hmm…
If b&q won’t accept the return could you buy it again from Wickes for £30 less, and then return the unopened one to b&q? Then fb marketplace the opened one once you’ve put the toy together. You could at least recoup some of your money that way.

That's such a good suggestion, you are clever!

HannahSternDefoe · 23/07/2022 12:47

Howmanysleepsnow · 23/07/2022 12:27

Hmm…
If b&q won’t accept the return could you buy it again from Wickes for £30 less, and then return the unopened one to b&q? Then fb marketplace the opened one once you’ve put the toy together. You could at least recoup some of your money that way.

I did the first part of this once with a Yale lock I needed for my front door.

Bought an overpriced one from B&Q, then next day bought a 2nd from Wickes and returned that to B&Q with the first receipt.

No problems with the refund.

SpindleInTheWind · 23/07/2022 12:47

RudsyFarmer · 23/07/2022 12:35

He sounds like a man who is micro managed and terrified of fucking it up.

Grin yeah, right

BrioNotBiro · 23/07/2022 12:48

...so I am reluctant to use the socket set before trying this.

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but when my car mad brother was a hard up student and needed a one off tool, he'd buy it then wrap the head in clingfilm. He used it the once then returned it.

(I know that's baaaad)😬

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 23/07/2022 12:53

I was expecting this to be a task a drunk slug could do. But, actually, just reading your account of this very particular socket that was required, I feel a bit anxious. I can’t even imagine what he was supposed to buy (I cannot even picture what you mean by a deep socket) - but it’s clear you were annoyed about it already. I’m not surprised he opted for an all the sockets option.

sjxoxo · 23/07/2022 12:56

I think you’re well within your rights to be pissed off..I’d be raging. It’s not really a ‘mistake’ as others have commented because really he’s just needed micro managing at every single step and still then made a crap decision. Why would he do this? Seems like he couldn’t be arsed with any mental work whatsoever? X

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