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Original poster

Getting dressed in front of your children

79 replies

watermelonlipbalm · 23/07/2022 08:36

I just wondered what age you guys think it is still okay to get dressed in front of your children?
Now don't get me wrong when I say this, I don't exactly make a point of getting change in front of my son. But if he came in the room whilst I was getting changed I wouldn't exactly make a bug deal out of it. I would ask he left the room or didn't look, but if he was occupied in the room or whatever then I'd just quickly get dressed.
He's 5.
I was having a conversation with my sister The other day because I noticed that my niece is becoming really shy and conscious of her body. We went swimming the other day and I could just tell that she felt really uncomfortable in her swimming costume in front of others. She was trying to cover herself up with her arms. I've also now that she's started to become a bit shy. I've always been a shy person, so I feel like I could see the signs in my neice. Anyway I just thought I'd mention it to my sister and she agreed with me.
She did mention though that she's been asking her to leave the room when she gets dressed and has been quite strict about this because she feels she is too old now to be in the room when she gets changed. My sister wondered if this might be why she had picked up being a bit shy in a swimming costume because she obviously has more body on show.
I'm not saying my sister is right or wrong. I get that we all have different approaches when it comes to this sort of thing.
But it did just make me think about getting dressed in front of children and I just wondered what everyone else have thought about this. I think I'm probably quite laid-back about it, although I absolutely wouldn't be taking underwear off when my son was in the room!!!

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 23/07/2022 08:37

I let my kids decide when they were old enough, they tend to reach an age where they become uncomfortable.

PersonaNonGarter · 23/07/2022 08:39

He’s 5! I thought you were going to say 15. You’re fine for a while yet.

lanbro · 23/07/2022 08:40

My 10 yo dd likes to get changed in private but will happily be in the room when I'm getting changed. I just go with what makes her comfortable and try to project a body confident image.

Dd 8, nearly 9, still wanders around naked!

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 23/07/2022 08:41

My DC see everything, we all wander around the house naked and it’s not a big deal. Eldest is 8, we have boys and girls. I’ll just let them lead, if they start seeming to be embarrassed by either their nakedness or mine I’ll start covering up and giving them privacy but I think it’s important that they feel comfortable in their bodies and see what normal human bodies look like.

Mumdiva99 · 23/07/2022 08:41

Well my eldest boy is 14 and thinks it disgusting if he walks in a room and I am changing. So he walks out. I don't care.....but he does. So for that reason he has his own privacy and I respect that. However, I have no issue with bodies being bodies.....my kids were probably still sharing baths at 5.....each to their own.
I think if your child (or your neice) is uncomfortable then respect it - give her a private space to change etc. But it's sad if she is conscious of her own body at that age because she thinks it isn't OK.

Onthegrid · 23/07/2022 08:42

I only have girls they are now in their 20s and I have always got dressed in front of them, they closed their bedroom doors at some point around puberty. I have a DH their dad he sleeps in just boxers and will walk around like that or just in shorts but never without .

Mumdiva99 · 23/07/2022 08:44

Sorry....I realise you haven't said your niece's age.....
If she has hit puberty then her body will be starting to change and lots of girls (and probably boys) get self conscious at this age while they deal with the changes.
Just role model body positive behaviours and don't point anything out to her.

Curiosity101 · 23/07/2022 08:45

Take a trip to Iceland and go to a few of the local pools... 😅

My boys are only little (almost 3 and almost 11 months), but I'll not be rushing to change anything. I get changed, and if they're there they're there. 5 seems fine to me, I'll teach them body safety etc but honestly couldn't care less about the 5-10 seconds where they see a boob or something. Also in underwear I'm no less dressed than I would be at a swimming pool.

Workawayxx · 23/07/2022 08:47

I get dressed in front of DS 10 If he happens to come in. He shows no signs of being bothered but I’ll go by his lead. I don’t want him to think that nakedness is something to be ashamed about although he’s very keen not to be naked in front of friends (they all change under towels for swimming) so definitely getting more private as he gets older.

Connie2468 · 23/07/2022 08:49

My 11 year old is definitely starting to get more shy/private about getting changed and doesn't want to see me getting changed. My younger two don't care though (5 & 8) and are naked at home a lot.

Sprogonthetyne · 23/07/2022 08:51

I have a 5 year old and wouldn't wouldn't tell him to leave or not look (not saying your wrong, I just don't). When he's old enough to feel uncomfortable about nudity, then he'll stop wandering in while I'm changing.

I'm not even sure there is an upper limit when it's your mum, if I was sharing a hotel room with mine, even as an adult, I wouldn't feel weird with us changing. Obviously no one would be looking, but I wouldn't be hiding in the bathroom to change either.

ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 23/07/2022 08:53

My 10 year old started getting more modest when he turned 8. It's only now he's 10 that he's started to feel awkward with my nudity and even then he forgets sometimes.

5 seems early, to me, to be covering up and hiding away.

I take 7 Yr old DD swimming where there are women and girls all ages changing in front of each other and it's given her more confidence in herself, even as she reaches the age where modesty kicks in a bit. It's been really positive and I make sure to speak about bodies in a positive way

itsgettingweird · 23/07/2022 08:53

I get dressed in my room.

Ds in his.

I've never really had any conversation about it. When ds started to shut to door to change it was obviously he'd made the decision for privacy and I respected that.

I never fully close my door but my room is at the end so you purposely have to do to it iyswim?

If ds came in I'd not mind and if I shut it completely for whatever reason he has always knocked.

But ds doesn't come down even when door not fully shut as I only get dressed in there and at 17yo I think he has no desire to see his flabby mums body 🫣🤣

Snugglemonkey · 23/07/2022 08:54

In my field of work I see a lot of people with sexual/relationship issues originating from the idea that nudity is shameful being internalised when they were young.

It is something we are relaxed about in our house. We have taught DC about privacy and that it is ok to make choices, we all lock the door when going to the toilet. We don't wander around naked all the time, but neither do we hide it away.

My son sees us change, has come in when we are in the bath etc. We sleep naked and he has too since it has been hot. He will jump in bed in the morning for a cuddle. There is nothing wrong with bodies, it is just skin.

Artemi · 23/07/2022 08:55

It's funny how our experiences can be so different, to me it sounds odd and borderline prudish to ask your tiny son to look away or not remove underwear in his presence!

Rubyupbeat · 23/07/2022 08:56

You will know when not to strip off in front of them. They become very awkward and also won't want you bathing them etc... I found this with my 2 boys. Just act naturally with your little one, otherwise He/She will think nakedness is something to be embarrassed about.
My niece stayed regularly with me from a baby and loved her baths etc....and then one time she came and was very awkward, trying to cover herself with her arms, I knew then it was time to leave her on her own.

Minimalme · 23/07/2022 08:56

Three boys here and all of them got very converted about privacy very early on.

They are all somewhere on the autistic spectrum though and have very clear rules about everything, which makes a difference.

My middle child is very disabled and has been taught the NSPCC's pants rule since primary school. He will go into supported living post 18 and I am very glad he is clear that no one gets to look at his private parts.

Minimalme · 23/07/2022 08:58

Concerned not converted!

imnotthatkindofmum · 23/07/2022 08:59

I have all girls. I just get changed wherever, they're not bothered as they don't leave the room 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 eldest are 15 and 13, they don't charge in front of us anymore and we always knock on their bedroom doors before going in.

8 year old would lie naked with her legs in the air if we let her. Obv we don't!.

My husband changes in our room but doesn't always shut the door.

I think at 5 it's fine, also I think parental nakedness helps normalise real body types and freedom to talk about bodies. Eg my 13 year old always talks to be about her problem (very large) boobs.

KittyEmK · 23/07/2022 08:59

I read somewhere that growing up in a naked household is good for self esteem and that makes perfect sense to me. Why teach your kids that their body is anything to be ashamed of?

Flamingoose · 23/07/2022 09:03

Kids aged between 11 - 17, boys and girls.
None of us hide to get changed. It's just not something anyone thinks about. I mean - I don't go out of my way to seek company when changing but if someone's in the room chatting when I'm about to get in the shower I don't tell them to go away. DH and kids are the same.

AliceMcK · 23/07/2022 09:05

My 10yo dd has been body conscious for about 3-4 years and will want to get changed in private. She has absolutely no problem with walking in on me naked or my DH though, although we have been making a conscious effort to lock doors when DH is now getting changed.

8yo & 5yo DDs both happy to walk around naked, I have to stop them playing out or going out the front door naked 🤦‍♀️

FrecklesMalone · 23/07/2022 09:06

With all of ours we let them choose. All of them now walk out the room if they find me or DH getting changed. DS2 is the least bothered (he is 15) about us being naked but I haven't seen him naked for a few years. DD is 12 and despite going through puberty doesn't really care and will walk around a bit naked in front of her big brothers. They never say anything.
My parents were (and still are) the same. Bodies aren't something to be embarrassed about.

AliMonkey · 23/07/2022 09:06

By asking your 5yo to leave when he walks in when you are changing is making it out to be shameful. Certainly at that age I didn’t think twice about changing with them there. Otherwise how would you ever go swimming? Doesn’t mean you should go the other way but just treat it as normal. At some point they will want to be private and once they are at start of puberty you may want to be more discreet. I don’t close the door but tend to turn my back so if they did walk in they’d not get an eyeful. DD16 closes her door to get changed but still sometimes walks between bedroom and bathroom in her underwear.

LetsGoRound · 23/07/2022 09:07

Mine are adults and they still see me and their father naked. It's no big deal and no one's bothered.

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