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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting dressed in front of your children

79 replies

watermelonlipbalm · 23/07/2022 08:36

I just wondered what age you guys think it is still okay to get dressed in front of your children?
Now don't get me wrong when I say this, I don't exactly make a point of getting change in front of my son. But if he came in the room whilst I was getting changed I wouldn't exactly make a bug deal out of it. I would ask he left the room or didn't look, but if he was occupied in the room or whatever then I'd just quickly get dressed.
He's 5.
I was having a conversation with my sister The other day because I noticed that my niece is becoming really shy and conscious of her body. We went swimming the other day and I could just tell that she felt really uncomfortable in her swimming costume in front of others. She was trying to cover herself up with her arms. I've also now that she's started to become a bit shy. I've always been a shy person, so I feel like I could see the signs in my neice. Anyway I just thought I'd mention it to my sister and she agreed with me.
She did mention though that she's been asking her to leave the room when she gets dressed and has been quite strict about this because she feels she is too old now to be in the room when she gets changed. My sister wondered if this might be why she had picked up being a bit shy in a swimming costume because she obviously has more body on show.
I'm not saying my sister is right or wrong. I get that we all have different approaches when it comes to this sort of thing.
But it did just make me think about getting dressed in front of children and I just wondered what everyone else have thought about this. I think I'm probably quite laid-back about it, although I absolutely wouldn't be taking underwear off when my son was in the room!!!

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 23/07/2022 11:18

Our family has always been relaxed about whether bodies are covered or not. We used to go to beaches where three generations would undress for naked swimming or playing games. At home it's not something we really notice, whether others are dressed or not. But we always lock the door when using the toilet. That's the only 'private' thing here.

Bouledeneige · 23/07/2022 11:28

They decide for themselves. Both in terms of their own privacy - let them change in a separate cubicle for swimming (like your niece) and them choosing not to come in the room when you are changing. No need for you to worry.

transitionday · 23/07/2022 11:37

My 11 year old daughter still watches me change, sits on the toilet while I shower. She's not shy about her body at all. She will still get changed infront of me or shower etc with no embarrassment. I think it's healthy to have a open relationship about bodies and it's not something to be scared or ashamed of.

transitionday · 23/07/2022 11:39

Sorry was suppose to add I was the opposite as a child. The thought of my mum knowing I had started puberty really embarrassed me. So I never got changed round her. Now I'm glad I have a different relationship with my daughter.

NoAprilFool · 23/07/2022 11:43

You tell your 5 year old not to look? I find that strange and I’m
not particularly body confident.
My 9 year old is usually in the room when I’m getting changed because she likes to chat (incessantly….)

Original poster
watermelonlipbalm · 23/07/2022 11:55

Yep I totally agree with you all.
Like I said on my OP and following on post I'm not particularly bothered about him seeing me get dressed. If I want some space for whatever reason I will ask for it. He isn't great at giving people space or privacy so I know what I'm doing is right for us and for the right reasons.

I feel for my sister but that's just her parenting style. Hopefully my neice will grow up with body confidence and grow out of her shyness but it's not really my place to say anything.

For those who are going to contnute to response dwelling on my comment about asking his to not look or leave the room please just refer to my response :)

OP posts:
WhiskerPatrol · 23/07/2022 12:15

I would let children set their own boundaries but it sounds like your sister is (inadvertently) teaching her daughter that bodies are something to be ashamed of, which is sad. There's a difference between privacy and shame.

Original poster
watermelonlipbalm · 23/07/2022 12:19

@WhiskerPatrol maybe so, and I do perhaps agree. But I think she has her own reasons behind this parenting style which obviously I'm not going to share on here!

OP posts:
WithABiffBangPow · 23/07/2022 12:24

I have a five year old, it wouldn't occur to me to tell him not too look. He takes great pleasure in staring at me whilst I get changed and pointing out all the weird things he can see.
It's not great for my ego but that's a different story.

Ilikecheeseontoast · 23/07/2022 12:24

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 23/07/2022 08:41

My DC see everything, we all wander around the house naked and it’s not a big deal. Eldest is 8, we have boys and girls. I’ll just let them lead, if they start seeming to be embarrassed by either their nakedness or mine I’ll start covering up and giving them privacy but I think it’s important that they feel comfortable in their bodies and see what normal human bodies look like.

This ☝🏼

my eldest are 5 and sometimes they even get in the bath or shower with me. There’s nothing to hide, they’re just bodies!

HouseofGods · 23/07/2022 12:30

DC both have no issues watching DH or I get dressed. I was changing the other day and DS1 (8) ran in and skelped my bare arse whilst shouting "bum" 🙈😂 they're also both happy to run about the house naked, use our en-suite with the door open etc 🙄

SummerLobelia · 23/07/2022 12:33

I think mine were about 7 ish or 8. I am quite shy about my body anyway as i have weight issues and alot of scarring from an accident when I was a teen. My now 13 year old has sensory issues with clothes and probably stopped being naked around the house when he was about 8. (now just a vest and knickers.). it sort of happened naturally. But i have no issues with that. I do believe in bodily privacy and all that and what people feel most confortable with, including the Dcs.

Wartywart · 23/07/2022 12:37

Snugglemonkey · 23/07/2022 08:54

In my field of work I see a lot of people with sexual/relationship issues originating from the idea that nudity is shameful being internalised when they were young.

It is something we are relaxed about in our house. We have taught DC about privacy and that it is ok to make choices, we all lock the door when going to the toilet. We don't wander around naked all the time, but neither do we hide it away.

My son sees us change, has come in when we are in the bath etc. We sleep naked and he has too since it has been hot. He will jump in bed in the morning for a cuddle. There is nothing wrong with bodies, it is just skin.

I agree with what the poster above says about teaching children that nudity is shameful/dirty/nasty. I also think that if, as a woman, you can happily let your children see that you are unashamed of your cellulite/wobbly thighs/droopy boobs, then maybe that might help divert a child who might otherwise have had some issues with dieting etc in later life.

My mother was always weird about getting changed etc. My dog's family are totally not and it's lovely. I made the decision to be like they are with my own children and it's much healthier.

Wartywart · 23/07/2022 12:39

Not dog's family - dh's family. 😂

RewildingAmbridge · 23/07/2022 12:41

My mum will still get changed in front of me and I'm 38!

bellsbuss · 23/07/2022 12:46

None of my children are bothered about seeing me naked , I've never made a big deal of it. If I'm in the bath and they want to talk to me they knock and ask if they can come in. I never once saw either of my parents naked.

Oblomov22 · 23/07/2022 12:57

At 5? WTF!
As ds's grew up they wanted more privacy which they were given. They seemed more shy about no one seeing their penis say 14-16, then not bothered so much afterwards. They went to the shower and were more private, fine! Now if one was in the shower and one of us needed to nip in, no one would care. I don't hide my body but don't overtly display it, but sleep naked and they occasionally jump into bed for a cuddle. I go downstairs in my undies to get a dress. I just don't see the problem. Do what's comfortable for you.

Lem1984 · 23/07/2022 14:38

LadybirdDaphne · 23/07/2022 09:32

Until recently I used to get dressed in front of my five year old, but she is struggling to learn about privacy and appropriateness (she is being assessed for ASD), so recently I've been taking my clothes into the bathroom and getting dressed in there. It's not a hard and fast 'rule' though. She has no sense of needing to cover herself up yet and gets dressed in the lounge with the TV on - sensory issues make dressing quite difficult but through trial and error we've learnt this is the best way to keep her calm and on track. Hopefully as she gets older we can transition to her getting changed in her room.

My kids always dressed in the living room at 5. It's not unusual!

Alliolly · 23/07/2022 18:36

I am 32 and my mum still gets dressed in front of me. So did both of my grandmothers while they were still alive. It wouldn't occur to me to put any age limits for same sex children. My son is just 3, but I imagine I would stop getting changed in front of him by the age of 9-10. This means fully naked only though, I don't think I would stop walking around in underwear that early.

Sellie555 · 23/07/2022 18:59

My 17 and 20 yr old sons aren’t arsed anymore about seeing me getting dressed. They will often come into my room to ask my something when I’m topless or whatever and they don’t care.

however, there was time in their early teens when they thought it was the most disgusting sight ever hahh

hangrylady · 23/07/2022 19:25

My son started wanting privacy when changing aged around 9 so I've taken that as a cue not to change in front of him either. My daughter though is nearly 12 and we wouldn't think twice about seeing each other naked, but it's probably different both being female as my DH wouldn't be naked in front of DD but would with DS. Me and my mum would still change in front of each other now.

FabFitFifties · 23/07/2022 19:30

My 11 year old son still sees me naked but will now avert his eyes, whilst carrying on his vital conversation😂He makes no comment at all - though he is outraged if his dad is naked. I now wear something in bed, where as I always slept naked, and I do make a greater effort to be modest. Getting changed in front of him, with underwear on, is no issue at all. In terms of his own modesty, the bathroom door is locked, but again, if he has an urgent point to make, he'll forget his modesty and shout me in. He'd have a fit if I walked in on him on the loo, so obviously I don't. He still finds it hilarious to do the odd moon🍑

FabFitFifties · 23/07/2022 19:31

I should add my son has not hit puberty

Madamecastafiore · 23/07/2022 19:32

17 year old DS will walk on for a chat when I'm starkers and have me a quick hug not long ago because he'd had some good news. I had jeans on but nothing on on top and was a bit shocked but he thought nothing of it.

DD9 won't get changed in front of anyone at all and won't even wear a bikini. I hope she grows out of being so self conscious but only time will tell.

Just let them show you how they feel and go from there.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 23/07/2022 19:43

Mine chose when they wanted to get changed privately. DH and I will continue to be naked when we feel like it, they can choose to avoid our room when we are getting changed if they feel uncomfortable but we aren’t uncomfortable with them being there. My 15yo is now past the embarrassed age and will change in front of me although only with underwear on, not totally naked. I respect their boundaries and they make their own decisions but nudity is not wrong or shameful or sexual.