Women who have married rich men and don't work, how do their finances work?

[StationeryAddiction]

Let's say a woman who marries an investment banker whose salary is triple figures and their bonus is triple figures (not sure how realistic these figures are). Does the wife get given some kind of allowance? Are budgets set for things?

I ask because I see someone on Instagram who appears to be married to this type of man. She seems like an extremely pleasant, down to earth woman and very family orientated. Most months the family goes on holiday be it abroad or the nicest staycations in the UK. She has many Hermes sandals, Chanel bags etc but she does shop at the high street too. She is definitely a lady who lunches, often at the likes of The Ivy etc. I'm not sure that an investment bankers salary can even fund all this, let alone taking savings and investments into consideration but let's assume it does. I'm just really curious as to how the finances work in these kinds of situations? Does she have to ask if she wants a new bag? Does she get given x amount a month? Does he tell her she can book a each holiday for no more than £15k? Does she have access to the bulk of the money? I'm well aware it's none of my business and I'm not jealous. Just intrigued.

Nobody can answer this. Every couple will manage it however they want to. You’ve airways mentioned some possible approaches 🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband earns quite a lot (though not as much as an investment banker) and I’m not currently earning at all.
Everything goes into our joint account and we both spend whatever we want, though would both consult the other before a major purchase

Surely the amount earned is irrelevant. If only one partner works outside the home then the other may receive an allowance or have full access to all funds or have set budgets for different categories etc
when dh worked and I didn’t we both had access to all funds and decided jointly on budgets for holidays etc.

Black credit card normally

My husband he is high earner. Not millions though. But six figures. I dont work. I’m housewife and taking care the kids. Beside for food, kids and bills. My husband give me allowance for myself to do whatever i want with it. If i want bags and its more than my allowance i just ask him. He is very kind and never tight with money. I dont marry him gor money though. I met him in uni 🥰

My MIL is one of those women. FIL controls everything money wise and she provides recipes for all purchases so he can do their 'household books'. I doubt she's ever had a say on their holiday destination, choice of car etc.

She receives monthly 'housekeeping' money (probably equivalent to a £30k salary tbh) from which she pays the cleaner (yes, really) then the rest becomes her money.

She has designer bags, nice jewellery etc but usually these have been bought for special occasions - birthday, valentines, anniversary, Christmas. She wouldn't just go out and buy one from Havery Nic's because it's Tuesday.

She seems happy enough but it wouldn't be for me!

Not direct experience, but general knowledge,

Usually their own personal credit card
Or set allowance
Or some it's x person does the lists items ect then it's put though the accounts.

We aren’t hugely well off by any stretch BUT I was a SAHM for a long time and even now DH earns six times my salary. We simply have a joint account and everything is “ours”.

Personally, I'm on the fence if I would like the arrangement.

We’re the opposite. I’m not an investment banker but I earn ten times DHs salary.

We pool our money. Everything goes into a joint account then is partitioned off to long term and short term savings, investments etc.

Whats left is disposable for both our use.

Some have complete joint access to all the finances. Some have a personal account, one for household expenses. Some have a private pension. Some are being financially abused.

Like any other family, it depends on personal set-up rather than amount of income.

I'm one of these mums/wives, gave up NHS surgeon job as husband was outearning me by a multiple of 50. All money/rental incomes go into several current/joint accounts. We both have cc for all accounts, no allowance given or no consultation re spending etc. All spending is completely transparent, we're generally aligned on spending etc.

Exactly the same with us. Not hedge fund levels but a hefty income. Also random selection of current accounts, savings accounts and credit cards.
No allowances, budgets, angst- just similar ideas on sensible spending and it just seems to work.

I find the OP's question a little sad, like she can't imagine a marital relationship where people pool their money. DH and I started out with similar salaries, but his shot higher after my maternity leave, part-time working etc and he now earns significantly more, but we still pool all our money in one joint current account, and divide savings and investments equally (or put them in my name, as I pay basic rate tax rather than his additional rate).

@StationeryAddiction even if the Instagram wife you mention doesn't have access to a joint account, perhaps she has her own private wealth from a trust fund or inheritence?

Yep, it's to do with how you set things up & where the power lies...

The posts above are how it should be but plenty of kept women still.

If you really want to see what I mean, have a look at eSysman's super yachts YT channel. There are some corking videos on how staff handle the Owner's "companions". 😁

@PrincessW11 @Hihohihoitsofftoworkmaybe So is it a case that once the savings and investments etc have been accounted for, you can spend as you wish with the remainder? Do your husbands ever comment on the lavish purchases and regular expensive meals out etc or do you choose not to spend your money on such things? Or is the income so significant that these expenses don't even remotely make a dent so your husbands aren't bothered? Are there any occasions where you have to run purchases past your husbands? E.g previous poster said if she wants a bag that's more than her allowance she asks her husband? Sorry for all the questions, I just find it very interesting.

I also find it interesting how young adult children without jobs are often away on expensive holidays and buying designer items. I find it hard to believe their parents give them a significant allowance at such a young age or agree to pay off their cc bills, or maybe this is what does happen?

@sellebraytor it's not that I can't imagine couples pool their money. I have no doubt they do. My thought process is that if after savings and investments let's say there's £100k in the joint account for the year, if the wife spends £50k on holidays, £20k on designer items, £20k on eating out, when there is only £10k left is the husband not going to be a bit miffed? Or does she have to ask him when she makes these purchases so he's aware? These figures were obviously plucked out of thin ai

And yes most definitely she may have her own trust/inheritance etc. In this specific example I could see that she worked a very low paying job prior to marriage and of what I see of her parents, I would assume they're not wealthy at all.

I didn’t have to seek Dh’s approval for large purchases but we had similar financial goals, the key one being to retire in early 50s. We did not give our ds a large allowance. We supported him by paying all uni fees and expenses but no designer clothes or credit cards.

We’re the opposite. I earn a lot and also come from a very wealthy background. My husband literally had nothing when we met. I had a huge amount of savings. He had a huge amount of debt. I bought our house outright. I also bought Him a business outright. He now works damn hard and earns a decent salary.

We pool everywhere, and spend what we want.
everything goes into the joint account.

@Wombat27A Thanks for this.. can't wait to watch

I know people like this - they have a card and all the money is in one joint account. No need to ask to spend any amount.

The people I know who live like this either have a single joint account which they both use for everything (these are the people who seem to make it work) or the finances are in control of the man and the woman asks when she wants anything or gets some sort of allowance (this always sounds horrendous to me and tends to be more downtrodden women)

I think you're overthinking it OP! We don't live a lavish lifestyle- we just don't have to worry about day to day spending so don't need to discuss it. We don't have a spending budget for the year- will just discuss if we want to book a holiday etc. if we need a new hoover we'll buy one! My parents were the same, as was DH's.
I suppose if I was off spending £1000s on handbags it might be different!

Not investment banker / lady who lunches scenario, but I have been the high earner with a spouse that didn’t exactly work (he got a graduate student stipend). We just had a bank account and spent money as we needed and wanted. We had a rough idea of what constituted a purchase that required discussion and those rules applied to each of us equally.

I am still a high earner, though my current spouse now out earns me and we follow the same basic rules. Spend what we want, discuss anything out of the ordinary that is particularly large. We have similar values and both have a good sense of what we can afford.

OP, I think most couples talk regularly about what is available to spend on luxury / discretionary items. So the wife knows what their household limits are and keeps within them. Husband shouldn’t be having a big surprise every time the AMEX bill arrives.