Women who have married rich men and don't work, how do their finances work?

[StationeryAddiction]

Let's say a woman who marries an investment banker whose salary is triple figures and their bonus is triple figures (not sure how realistic these figures are). Does the wife get given some kind of allowance? Are budgets set for things?

I ask because I see someone on Instagram who appears to be married to this type of man. She seems like an extremely pleasant, down to earth woman and very family orientated. Most months the family goes on holiday be it abroad or the nicest staycations in the UK. She has many Hermes sandals, Chanel bags etc but she does shop at the high street too. She is definitely a lady who lunches, often at the likes of The Ivy etc. I'm not sure that an investment bankers salary can even fund all this, let alone taking savings and investments into consideration but let's assume it does. I'm just really curious as to how the finances work in these kinds of situations? Does she have to ask if she wants a new bag? Does she get given x amount a month? Does he tell her she can book a each holiday for no more than £15k? Does she have access to the bulk of the money? I'm well aware it's none of my business and I'm not jealous. Just intrigued.

My dh is a banker. Very high net worth. We are together for a very long time, when he started off as a graduate and his career took off. I had a very successful career and decided to become a sahp to raise dc. Dh has never, ever questioned what I spend on. We have joint accounts, one pot and has always been when I worked as well. I think the difference is that we started off with nothing and grew our assets together. Dh knows that his success would not be possible without me, and I know that raising our family the way that we never had ourselves is not possible without him. We have mutual respect for each other and haven't forgotten how we started off.

I think as well that women haven't just 'married rich men'. Often they earn similar amounts when they meet and then due to kids, career breaks etc it becomes less equal. So they just pootle on together with the same values etc as they had when they got together.
I guess there is a scenario where a woman meets an Uber wealthy man and just spends and spends but I don't know anyone who falls into this category! Even the few extremely wealthy people I know aren't like this.

That was a sort of cross post!

At what point did you feel that you could trust your husband not to run up more debt? Did you pay his debt off?

if the wife spends £50k on holidays, £20k on designer items, £20k on eating out, when there is only £10k left is the husband not going to be a bit miffed?

If I spend money on a holiday or eating out, DH usually gets to come too. In fact, if I didn't organise it, he'd never go anywhere, because I'm a planner, whereas he takes each day as it comes. And we're both from modest backgrounds, with similarly cautious attitudes to money, so nothing that we spend could be described as lavish.

Yep, this is us too. In a nutshell.

The biggest difference I see in these responses is that people here don't seem to be buying designer items regularly, dining at the most expensive places, flying business/first class each time and going on very expensive holidays very frequently, So in this specific situation I'm going to have to assume that her husband is an extremely high earner and either the money pooled together is such a huge amount that it allows her to purchase and spend a hell of a lot on herself without it having any impact on their pooled money, or she gets an allowance for this specifically.

Totally depends on the relationship. My mum is married to a man like this. Tbf, she is retired and had a professional career and has a good pension. But her partner’s bonus is at least £100k a year. HIS BONUS!

As far as I know, they share finances completely, having only one joint account (Dh and I have a joint account but maintain our own personal accounts and savings, so to me that’s quite odd and old fashioned). They don’t live lavishly though. I don’t know where the money goes, but I think they mostly just hoard it (rather than investing sensibly). They live in a modest house, drive a new but normal car, take normal holidays, but mum freaks out if the current account dips below £200k. How the other half live!

Is this someone you know or just someone you follow? She could earn money, it could all be bollocks. Instagram isn't necessarily real...

I was (was) married to a high earner. High six figures. I’m not a big spender but trappings of wealth were important to him. So I had the designer shoes, jewellery, bags, etc but NONE of them were bought by me. When I became a SAHM, (when his earning trajectory really took off), I’d my own c/card but had to ask him to pay the bill. I wasn’t a big spender but his own expectations re his birthday gifts, Christmas, how the house looked, how we entertained, all had to fit in, so I was beholden to his expectations. Conversations about equal access to money were extremely difficult and I did not have autonomy, although it seemed I did to others. I had no financial power. I went back to work, got divorced, and now live within my means, without the ‘show’ of big spending.

When we split up, I gave a lot of clothes and expensive items away to charity as they were never me, and they spoke of a life that wasn’t mine. I like nice things, sure, but I only buy what I can afford and treats are treats. His ‘new’ (affair partner) woman now trips around wearing all the stuff he buys her. I have some high value jewellery that I never wear, and likely never will again. Maybe I’ll sell it. Maybe I’ll give it to my daughters. In my case, there was no pooled account, no ‘what’s mine is yours’, and it left me financially very precarious when we split.

I lived this life decades ago. I had credit cards in his name and a joint account with debit cards. I could spend and spend and it wouldn't make a dent. He wasn't bothered as long as I kept house, organised holidays, and kept everything stocked for his use.

I'd pay the housekeeper, the cleaner and the gardener in cash that was kept in the safe. My husband kept a cash 'float' of £50,000!

I spent what I wanted. I'm from a very poor frugal background so it was never much. I always joked that I was a dream wife as I'd not even get my hair cut at a salon.

I did spend a lot on the children and my home, we enjoyed having a yacht which does use up funds at an alarming rate. Eye watering amounts looking back. It just became normal.

When I moved to where I now live I wanted some retractable blinds like I'd previously had. They were £10,000 each! I now have a sail for under £100.

Today I'm struggling trying to wallpaper, in years gone by I would have been co-ordinating a team of decorators with Farrow & Ball. What would take a few weeks then looks now to take me six months of hard work.

Today I have a paddling pool in my garden to cool off in, in years gone by I had a heated pool and changing room.

I miss that life often, then I remind myself of how far I've come. Life can be measured in money or happiness. Rarely both.

Lots of people will do it slightly differently. My dad had a big job & my mum stayed at home. She had control over the money & budget though.

We met in our twenties, when he out-earned me 2/1. If I returned to work full-time at my old salary, DH would out earn me 200 times. So I work freelance, but am mostly a SAHP.

Joint account always, and we spend whatever we want, when we want. Happily married for twenty years.

The friends I’m talking about are like yours - they fly by private jet. Have multiple houses etc. husbands earn 7 figure sums, not 6. Lovely down to earth people though.

For richer, for poorer...

Please feel free to not answer if you don't want to, but what happened to have such a drastic change of lifestyle?

When I was a sahm dh wage went into a joint account. And i spent as I wished. I sorted all finances bills etc.
When we met i worked and a LP.
When he moved in i knew id lose tax credit so he gave me his bank card and log in details and said basically. Dont go without or have less than you did previously because im here. Use it as you wish.
My wages were then for me and ds mainly unless we needed anything paid
Once married we changed to a joint account i was a sahm as we'd had a dc and was pregnant . His wage went into that. Child maintenance and child benefit went into mine.

Never ever have i had an allowance /had to ask. Even when he was in a very poor paid job. We just knew bills food priorities obviously The rest either of us used. Tbh he rarely wants to buy anything and when i do its always for house or kids.
Now im earning it goes into joint account for ease.

We are not rich but we can afford for me to be a SAHM at the moment. My husband says I earn my “share” of the money by taking care of the kids and the house and whatever so I don’t have to ask him if I want something, I just buy it. Fortunately for him I’m pretty cheap! I don’t want a lot of stuff.

Like @PrincessW11 & @Hihohihoitsofftoworkmaybe I don’t work and we have a large household income. Both have cards for all accounts and both spend whatever we like on whatever we choose.
We might discuss things we are going to buy in conversation, for example “look at this X, so nice, going to order” or similar but never ask permission. All money is our money. Holidays I do discuss with my DH but only for what dates will work, never really discuss the cost.

Re the insta person in the OP that sounds like a 7 figure income not 6

We have always just had joint everything.

No allowances or my money/his money.

We let each other know when making a big (say $1k+) purchase, but other than that all shared, regardless of where the money is coming from/going.

Everyone does it differently but this has always worked for us over the last 30 years of jobs/living overseas/time off for children/redundancies and now as we plan for retirement.

I have been a lady who lunches and the main breadwinner at times.

@fingersg You're right. At the risk of sounding like an obsessive stalker I did a little Google search and it's definitely 7 figures. So whether allowance or joint account (I'm inclined to think joint), there's just a lot of money to allow those kinds of luxuries and I find it highly unlikely she'd have to ask him to approve each purchase/expense with that much money available

I didn't marry a rich man. He was as skint as me when we married. the money came later.
We've always organised our finances in the same way though, just the amounts are larger.
We've only ever lived off one wage. All money goes into one pot, then goes out to pay bills etc, some into an account for shopping, savings etc and everything that's left is divided between us, not equally though, I get more than him as he doesn't really spend anything day to day because he gets expenses paid for.
We have a slush fund of just over £100k that we use for any big purchases we can both spend what we like from that and a separate holiday fund.
We don't spend at the level you are talking about though OP. I can't see I'd ever spend thousands on a bag or flying first class.

We have a joint account where all income goes (his salary+ any other money coming in) that we seperate into savings, pension and the rest. Savings we use for new cars, holidays etc. Pension we don't touch. The rest is used as needed and whatever is left each month goes into savings. I don't have to ask for money but do check that its okay to spend large amounts. I keep the house going so budget for things like birthdays, christmas etc but double check everything with DH. Luxuries and shopping comes out of the main account so unusual that I'd dip into savings for it

Joint account