Women who have married rich men and don't work, how do their finances work?

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Let's say a woman who marries an investment banker whose salary is triple figures and their bonus is triple figures (not sure how realistic these figures are). Does the wife get given some kind of allowance? Are budgets set for things?

I ask because I see someone on Instagram who appears to be married to this type of man. She seems like an extremely pleasant, down to earth woman and very family orientated. Most months the family goes on holiday be it abroad or the nicest staycations in the UK. She has many Hermes sandals, Chanel bags etc but she does shop at the high street too. She is definitely a lady who lunches, often at the likes of The Ivy etc. I'm not sure that an investment bankers salary can even fund all this, let alone taking savings and investments into consideration but let's assume it does. I'm just really curious as to how the finances work in these kinds of situations? Does she have to ask if she wants a new bag? Does she get given x amount a month? Does he tell her she can book a each holiday for no more than £15k? Does she have access to the bulk of the money? I'm well aware it's none of my business and I'm not jealous. Just intrigued.

My DH is wealthy and I don't work (currently a SAHM but gave up work before I became pregnant)

We have a joint account that I can access for household purchases and anything for the children and DH "pays me a wage" (I guess back in the day it would've been called housekeeping) but it is just to spend on myself and my own outgoings.
Everything else is covered by DH.

Holidays - we discuss where we'd like to go and have a rough yearly budget to cover all holidays - so it could be 1 trip abroad and a few uk trips or 1 more expensive trip holiday.
Cars - I don't drive and DH chooses his own car, but will ask my opinion
Bags/shoes - I either save my money to buy them or ask for them for birthday/Christmas. I prefer this than just getting them for the sake of it

I am the second name on two of my partner’s credit cards. We discussed how we’d sort finances when I was a SAHM and that’s what we ended up doing. I always assume others do the same.

My husband earns about £450k, im
a SAHM. Previous to this we were in lower paying similar jobs. We respect each other. It just all goes into one pot and I buy what I want, but equally I’ve never been the type to want Chanel or spend £££

we have a shared goal of building a nest egg and are trying to move up the housing ladder, so without even discussing it really we agree and understand where our money is going. Funnily enough I think most of the wives on here would agree - it’s time I’m short on! That’s what he would struggle to give me, rather than money

@AuntTwacky whats wrong with allowances?. We do have joint account aswell but its for more big purchases (cars, decorating houses, holiday, etc). I have my allowance for my day to day needs and credit cards mainly for shopping.

i agree with the sentiment here. I am so ridiculously trustworthy with money it’s really no great shakes to give me access to credit cards. I shop in Lidl and Aldi and charity shops 🤭

@RudsyFarmer me too, my frugality is actually pathological. I cannot buy anything new, always looks second hand. EBay my own clothes, primark for the kids. Love Aldi.

I’ve always been like this as my parents were self made millionaires (only mentioning it due to the subject of the thread) and incredibly frugal as they worked incredibly hard and every penny was made on blood sweat and tears! Incidentally husband from very working class non rich family, as PP said I will inherit, he won’t so I guess it will even out a bit . My parents also helped us earlier on when we were struggling with house purchase etc so we both feel it’s give and take. We’ve had our fair share of problems but never about money.

It depends on the relationship, surely?

If it's a short relationship where trust hasn't had time to build up, then yes I can see why some people might go down the 'allowance' route, especially if both partners are on different pages when it comes to spending.

But if you've been together for years (often since uni), then of course you get a feel for the kind of spending which is normal and acceptable for both of you within the relationship without having to discuss it with each other. I'm not a SAHP, but work part-time and DH earns around 10 times what I earn. We're comfortably off but not rich. There's certain things I would just spend money on without thinking to ask DH - clothes, haircuts, a new bag if I needed one, dinners with friends (though not generally the Ivy!) but normally he'd be caring for DC so would know I was going anyway, trips out, theme park tickets etc. Spa days etc. I'd ask but not because of the money but because of DC (I suppose if you had a weekend nanny, you wouldn't need to ask 😁). And we'd tend to consult each other over big things like new phones, laptops and holidays... but not so much because of the money but to get each other's input. And then we both try to offload the boring stuff like insurance, organising work on the house, paying bills onto each other as far as possible so one of us not having access to money wouldn't really work!

Everyone is different. My DH is a big earner, I work part time. We share all finances in joint names.

I could spend my life shopping for designer clothes and bags if I wanted, but I’m not into that life at all. We are really sensible with money, no debts, mortgages paid off, save most surplus into investments and pension now. We have decent, but not extravagant holidays.

I would absolutely hate to have an ‘allowance’ as if I was getting pocket money. I would also hate to have to ask DH before I purchased anything, though big stuff we always talk about as a matter of course.

@grannycake I didn't know that thank you

Not quite the same, but I don't earn much, and DH earns quite a lot. We have completely separate accounts, apart from one joint credit card which he pays off every month.

I pay DH a certain amount every month by direct debit, which goes towards mortgage, bills etc - that all comes out of DHs account, although my name is on the mortgage too. I will also pay DH extra if we have booked a holiday or something.

And then everything else is mine to spend on kids hobbies (DH pays for some as well), a bit of childcare (DH pays some as well) and stuff for myself and the kids. The supermarket shop and some bits for the kids goes on the joint credit card.

I know this seems a bit silly to some, but it has worked for us for a long time now. DH did want a joint account at one point but I didn't want to. I am sensible with money but I like to manage my 'own finances' (even though essentially we do it together, with the proportion of stuff he pays for) and I feel like if we had a joint account I would have to justify every single purchase. We argue about a lot of 'household' stuff, but money is very rarely one of those things, so it must work OK!

I’ve recently given work up to become a SAHM - DH earns 6 figures.

We have a joint account for household / child expenses and I’m paid an amount into my personal account that I spend as I wish. DH pays for holidays/ large items though these are discussed and agreed in advance.

The joint account is a new arrangement for us as previously we each just had personal accounts but seems to be working well so far.

My work was a high 5 figure salary but I receive the same amount as I had previously.

My dad had the six figure salary and the six figure bonus and my mum was a SAHM. They have joint credit cards and and current accounts. Every month they sit down together at the computer and put all the outgoings and income into a spreadsheet. My dad also saved/invested more than 50% of his salary each month. It meant if anything ever happened to one of them then money was one less thing to worry about. They have never been flashy people often preferring jeans and blouses/shirts and trainers or loafers. My dad retired in his 40s but their lifestyle hasn’t changed as it was never flashy to begin with.

It's up to £85k for a single account and up to £170 for a joint.
There are also accounts that, for a fee spread the money across many different banks but you only deal with one account, we have some of our tax in one of these.

Fuck an allowance. I didn't work for a few years while I raised the kids and just had a credit card. I spent sensibly and he didn't question a single purchase.

XH1 was very wealthy and I didn't have to (actually couldn't, due to work permit laws in the country we lived in ) work. No DC. Spent my days lounging by the pool meeting friends for lunch, shopping, cinema, theatre, community work. LOTS of holidays both with XH and without.

We just had a joint bank account so there was complete transparency. Large purchases, like trips abroad, would be discussed "I wanted to go to X, it will cost Y, can we afford it?" I did have nice bags, watches etc but usually they were things XH1 bought for me, rather than things I bought for myself.

I am not sure why this is so confusing for you really.

You may well have a fantastic and balanced relationship but your language makes you sound so dependent.

Instead of 'my husband gives me an allowance', it would be so much more equal if you said:

'Out of our family income, an amount is set aside that i use for whatever I want'.

I don't get an allowance but I have a credit card and rents go into my account where some of the direct debits come out and the rest will go on savings. I will get an expensive item for my birthday or wedding anniversary. Holidays, meals out, large items, nursery fees my DH pays for it and food shopping and clothes I pay for it with the credit card and dh pays it off.

My friend gets an allowance of £800 a month where she can spend on anything she likes but she saves it up to buy a Louis Vuitton bag or something every 3 months or so. I tend to save whatever is left for rainy days.

That's the sensible approach isn't it? That's certainly what we do/did at all stages of our marriage irrespective of whether one of us was working, both were working or whatever. Everything into a joint pot to share.

So many people tie themselves into knots with percentages shared and multiple accounts, moving money, allowances and so on when joint accounts make it so much easier.

We don't have a joint account. My DH gives me an allowance that's almost what I earned when working. He does an Ocado shop about every three weeks I shop for the household about every two weeks. He pays all the bills and I usually book the holidays.

My husband earns a very good wage and I don't work. I stay at home with 2 DCs. I couldn't imagine working now. A very normal life with probably more holidays and dinners out than a lot of folk. But otherwise a very normal, happy family life.

I did this too but ensure you have your own card too, to keep your credit records healthy.

Plus any large purchases, use the 1st named card holder. More consumer protection.

I work full time but earn an awful lot less than dh. I used to earn more than him when training but his job means higher salary. I then went PT after having dd, and then had a slight job change leading to me earning a lot less. But this was a joint decision and not one taken lightly. I work as many hours as dh most weeks, in term time, I just earn much less.

We have a joint account and have equal access to all money, all income, all investments, all savings, etc. been that way since we first lived together and throughout our marriage. Lived together for 26 years and it's worked fine for us.

This is similar to our situation but I do work too, just part time (and earn about 10% of my partners income)
I just use my own account if I want to buy anything and when I go into the overdraft I'll ask him to send me x amount - I get a bit of a grumble if it goes into thousands but that's not often! To be honest if I wanted something like a luxury bag we'd usually chat about it, then make a day of it and go in together to the store to try it and then it's a nicer experience for us both. I use his card if buying birthday presents, food shops etc.

I would like to know what jobs men have to earn 7 or more figures?