Am I being too sensitive, formula websites ?

[iamjustamumnow]

So I really did try very very hard to breastfed both of my babies and I just didn't make it as far as I would have liked. It's a sore subject for me and I feel like I failed.

I'm just researching the best formulas online and I keep actually having to scroll to the bottom of pages and press an accept button when I try to read what is in formula milks etc. the text I need to accept is all around how breastfeeding is best. I actually need to scroll down and acknowledge that I've read this text, before I can see the page. The same way you need to accept cookies.

What's up with that ? I find this quite upsetting when doing my research, just a reminder that I've basically failed.

Prepared to be scolded on here but I find it strange. Everyone knows breast milk is best surely ? I'm aware it's a legal thing, as I think the formula companies aren't allowed to advertise on TV either ( for first milks anyway ). It makes me feel like I'm giving my baby poison ! Like formula is as bad as cigarettes !

I need to get a grip I know, but come on ! How bad do you want me to feel about not breastfeeding ? I feel bad enough as it is already.

Ps: I managed a few weeks. I really really tried.

I was very similar. Even the label on the box set me off at one point. Now looking back I see it is just some sort of rule they have to follow or something but yes very hard to cope with when it matters

I never felt guilty about not breastfeeding. I admire any woman who does it for any amount of time as it's such a pressure on them most of the time as partners/support can't help.

You did do it. It didn't go as long as you wanted but you did as long as you could. Stop guilting yourself, there's enough pressure and guilt on mams as it is without you adding to your stress unnecessarily. You did everything you could, stop being so hard on yourself, it's energy you could use for hugs, snuggles and playing with your kids instead. I hope you move on soon and realise you're doing great at a very hard job x

Highly recommend Kendamil - amazing stuff!!

I never felt bad. A five day labour and an emergency c section and she was getting a bottle. I know it exists but I don't get the "guilt" thing. I just don't.

I expect it's to try and counteract the marketing that there's any meaningful difference between formula milks (which is usually attempting to convey the impression the brand is somehow closer to/comparable to breast milk)

The reality is that formula milk is incredibly tightly regulated - all formula providers basically are required to include the same essential ingredients. To the extent that any manufacturer adds something extra and its shown to make any difference, its immediately added to the regulated requirements.

Essentially the differences between the brands is just flavouring and things like organic vs not.

However it is insensitive wording. I'd prefer it to be more focussed on the reality and simply state that formula milk is a substitute food and is regulated to ensure it contains everything necessary.

It's a legal thing, formula companies aren't allowed to advertise formula from birth to 6 months and must advise that breast is best.
Me personally I adore formula feeding, didn't try breast feeding, didn't want to. Very happy with that decision. ( not anti breast feeding BTW but big fan of formula for me personally)

I use sma Pro 1 and it's great. No issues at all with it

I've always thought that whatever makes you the best mum you can be is fine. And never taken it on board that not breastfeeding was bad. I'd never ever judge anyone else, and let myself enjoy bottle feeding, as there are lovely sides to it (everyone can do it). Enjoy x

I think it helped me as my sister just said no to breastfeeding so I felt like I had a free pass , if that makes any sense?

Like you said, it’s probably a legal thing. It’s not aimed at you, it’s aimed at the people who genuinely believe that formula is better food for babies than breast milk because not everyone does know.

I know what you mean. It makes you feel so bad all that constant breastfeeding wording. In the end a few years later you will stop feeling bad. But it’s unacceptable that women are made to feel so awful for bottle feeding in the first place.

Good point ! I really just assumed that everyone does know breastfeeding is better. But you're right, some people probably really don't know that.

I feel especially bad because I have a small baby and a toddler at nursery and if he catches something bad from her and doesn't survive or get seriously unwell, I'll blame myself for not trying even harder.

That's my worst fear.

The thing is, you read these stories and women saying how hard it was for them but they tried and tried and tried and eventually it worked. So it always seems like something I should have tried harder at. But anyway. It is what it is.

My baby is three months old now. I hope he won't catch something and die or get seriously unwell because I didn't manage to feed for longer.

Left to their own devices formula manufacturers will try to persuade women that artificial milk is better than breast milk: more modern, more scientific, less icky. And they've killed countless thousands of babies (and thousands of women from breast cancer) using those tactics. So yeah, I think they can't be trusted to say anything about their products unless we force them to say upfront that what they're selling is a replacement product for when the superior option isn't available for whatever reason.

I failed twice, it's bloody hard. Stop beating yourself up.

As others have said, there are very tight laws and guidelines around the marketing of formula, but you know this. So yes, I can imagine it's the having to click an 'accept' button that is the last patronising straw. Not good enough just to read it, but women have to meekly 'agree' before being allowed to continue. A bit disgraceful really.

Bit of a stretch to say they've killed loads of women from breast cancer!

That's hardly going to help the OP either is it?

And formula milk has saved thousands of babies . Some of the marketing in the developing world may have been questionable at best but MN is a UK site - aimed mainly at women in the UK.

Bless you, your baby will be fine, I’m sure your toddler is thriving. Are you feeling generally low and anxious? If so you could have a chat with your GP or beside visitor. It’s so easy to get caught up in what might happen when your baby is so little. I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job with both of your boys. Give yourself a break x

I think this sort of approach to promote breastfeeding is patronising as anything. It irritates me too OP.

Fairly typical of the way pregnant (and post-natal) women are treated really. Far too thick and hormonal to make our own minds up about things.

"Killed them" I grant you is a strong choice of words, but they've persuaded women to make choices which have resulted in their deaths, even though you can't definitively identify which women would have died anyway.

Hi,
Please don’t feel bad for reading these things, it is just a legal requirement and as someone else has said it’s to inform people
who genuinely don’t know, not to beat people like you over the head with it.

Firststepsnutrition.org is an independent website that can give you all of the information regarding nutrition for each of the main formula milks. I hope that is helpful.

As a side, I’m sure all of the formula are pretty much the same (they have to meet a set standard) and a lot of the perceived differences is just through marketing them differently (I.e aptamil being more expensive and therefore being seen as superior but actually it’s a marketing tool to compel middle class/higher earning parents to buy)

Yup, ambulance ride to hospital with 3 day old baby, now very ill, couldn’t feed do to the whole stress so agreed he needed a bottle. They asked which of thr 15 thousand different brands I wanted, I asked what they recommended, what was best, what was easiest for the baby. And they couldn’t tell me anything so I went with the most expensive on the basis of cheapest must be worst so most expensive best. Which is exactly why advertising is so tight! But how the hell else do I choose?
then my sister used the same formula a year later becuse it worked for my baby. Then her sister in law!

anyway I mixed fed which gets eye rolls from both sides.

The thing is, you read these stories and women saying how hard it was for them but they tried and tried and tried and eventually it worked. So it always seems like something I should have tried harder at. But anyway. It is what it is.

Just to pick up on this as well. I don’t know how you delivered your baby but I had a very complicated EMCS after days of labour. I know of plenty of women who’ve had hard labours but managed to push through and have the delivery they wanted in the end. I couldn’t, something very rare went wrong and if I hadn’t had immediate surgery we’d both have died. It sucked. I wasn’t naive but I did have an idea of how I’d like to bring my baby into the world and it wasn’t under general anaesthetic, I missed the whole thing. I was confused and disappointed for a while and I’ll always be a bit regretful. But I didn’t have a choice. There was literally nothing I or anyone else could have done and I’m grateful medical science and a shit hit team got us through it on one piece.

You haven’t been able to feed your babies as you’d hoped but there was nothing else you could do. Thank goodness science has given us formula that keeps your baby healthy, satisfied and growing as he should. It’s not what you wanted but it’s no reflection on your effort. And you have a safe easily alternative available.

Left to their own devices formula manufacturers will try to persuade women that artificial milk is better than breast milk: more modern, more scientific, less icky. And they've killed countless thousands of babies (and thousands of women from breast cancer) using those tactics.

I think more babies have died of starvation than because of formula.
People seem to think that before formula came along everyone managed to happily breastfeed with no issues. Women have always struggled to breastfeed and babies, especially weak ones or ones that were prem died when mothers struggled to feed them, they starved to death or became very sick and often died because they were given goats milk or cows milk or sugar water as an alternative. If you were lucky you might have a breastfeeding friend or relative to feed them - which means being separated from your baby.
No one should wrongly be convinced that formula is superior to breastmilk, but it’s not poison FFS it is a very valuable invention.

OP I breastfeed my first DC for 3 months and was so so miserable and sore and trapped and anxious. I moved to combi feeding and v quickly to formula and my mental health and life improved dramatically but the guilt killed me for so long and I felt so triggered by things like you have just described in the website. He is a healthy big kid now. I breastfed DC2 for 18 months and is also a healthy big kid now.

Neither knows how they were fed and both have had all the same illnesses and health dramas.You and baby will both be perfect and eventually the upset and guilt will die down. As long as baby js loved and taken care of and so are you, then all will be well ❤️