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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being too sensitive, formula websites ?

60 replies

iamjustamumnow · 22/07/2022 21:04

So I really did try very very hard to breastfed both of my babies and I just didn't make it as far as I would have liked. It's a sore subject for me and I feel like I failed.

I'm just researching the best formulas online and I keep actually having to scroll to the bottom of pages and press an accept button when I try to read what is in formula milks etc. the text I need to accept is all around how breastfeeding is best. I actually need to scroll down and acknowledge that I've read this text, before I can see the page. The same way you need to accept cookies.

What's up with that ? I find this quite upsetting when doing my research, just a reminder that I've basically failed.

Prepared to be scolded on here but I find it strange. Everyone knows breast milk is best surely ? I'm aware it's a legal thing, as I think the formula companies aren't allowed to advertise on TV either ( for first milks anyway ). It makes me feel like I'm giving my baby poison ! Like formula is as bad as cigarettes !

I need to get a grip I know, but come on ! How bad do you want me to feel about not breastfeeding ? I feel bad enough as it is already.

Ps: I managed a few weeks. I really really tried.

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 23/07/2022 09:55

iamjustamumnow · 22/07/2022 21:25

Good point ! I really just assumed that everyone does know breastfeeding is better. But you're right, some people probably really don't know that.

Show quote history

This has got to be the most condescending chat ever! It is not best. Mum having the ability to enjoy the relationship/time they can after having a baby is the best.

If formula feeding means this can happen then formula is best. If mum is dedicated to breastfeeding and can do it then breast is best.

Confusion101 · 23/07/2022 09:56

Sometimeswinning · 23/07/2022 09:55

This has got to be the most condescending chat ever! It is not best. Mum having the ability to enjoy the relationship/time they can after having a baby is the best.

If formula feeding means this can happen then formula is best. If mum is dedicated to breastfeeding and can do it then breast is best.

Show quote history

This 👏👏👏 well said!

Original poster
iamjustamumnow · 23/07/2022 22:56

woody87 · 23/07/2022 09:47

I haven't read all the comments but I just came to say that there is literally no difference in formula milk. The aldi formula is the exact same as the really expensive ones, so you don't have to keep going on these websites and making yourself feel bad.

Thanks I know this. Actually I was researching different types of hydrolysed formulas, because they've been recommended by a doctor who thinks my baby may have cows milk allergy.

OP posts:
Belephant · 23/07/2022 23:11

EllieQ · 22/07/2022 22:41

I know what you mean, OP. I was struggling to BF in hospital after giving birth, and was pumping (and getting very little) then topping up with formula. I remember feeling so upset that there were so many posters about BF and bonding with your baby, and one small poster in the kitchen used to make formula saying how you should hold your baby close and look into their eyes as you fed them (or something along those lines) - as if mothers who FF wouldn’t bother or know how to bond with their babies.

Logically I know that the poster probably didn’t mean that, and that the hospital was required to promote BF, and the majority of babies in the UK are FF, but it still stings a little, even now (my ‘baby’ is 7 years old).

This interests me, I've heard this a lot too. I combi fed but for the first 6-8 weeks or something like that it was 99% breast.

My baby not once looked into my eyes when breastfeeding. So why is it important a baby does while bottle feeding? Mine always looked into my eyes with the bottle actually which I've heard lots of mums say... but what is the importance? I'd be interested to understand this.

Holding them close obviously makes sense.

YellowPlumbob · 23/07/2022 23:14

CredibilityProblem · 22/07/2022 21:31

Left to their own devices formula manufacturers will try to persuade women that artificial milk is better than breast milk: more modern, more scientific, less icky. And they've killed countless thousands of babies (and thousands of women from breast cancer) using those tactics. So yeah, I think they can't be trusted to say anything about their products unless we force them to say upfront that what they're selling is a replacement product for when the superior option isn't available for whatever reason.

And are you forgetting the countless babies that died pre formula? Specifically the ones of black women who were forced to wet nurse their owners children over their own.

Bore off.

Nat6999 · 23/07/2022 23:21

It didn't bother me, I had never known a BF baby when I had ds & always planned to FF, I couldn't have BF anyway, I was very ill & my milk never came in.

wedonttalkaboutyouno · 23/07/2022 23:44

@iamjustamumnow just a recommendation to follow Professor Amy Brown on Facebook, and if you get a chance, read or listen to her book ‘Why breastfeeding grief and trauma matter’. Both amazing resources to help you come to terms with whatever happens on your feeding journey. I just feel like she gets why women feel the way they do when it comes to feeding, and helps you to overcome the feelings of guilt.

DH54 · 23/07/2022 23:47

Look up first ‘ steps nutrition’, independent review of formulas.
Breast is obviously best, but only best if Mum and baby are also x

AndAnotherTwo · 23/07/2022 23:55

iamjustamumnow · 22/07/2022 21:28

I feel especially bad because I have a small baby and a toddler at nursery and if he catches something bad from her and doesn't survive or get seriously unwell, I'll blame myself for not trying even harder.

That's my worst fear.

The thing is, you read these stories and women saying how hard it was for them but they tried and tried and tried and eventually it worked. So it always seems like something I should have tried harder at. But anyway. It is what it is.

My baby is three months old now. I hope he won't catch something and die or get seriously unwell because I didn't manage to feed for longer.

Show quote history

I tried and tried and tried with my DD. I breastfed her for 18 months inspite of our problems. I had to as she rejected the bottle when we tried when she was 6 weeks old as she wasn't gaining weight at the right rate.

5 years later she is still severely underweight and every meal is a battle. She's been seen by everybody and the kitchen sink but there's nothing wrong with her apparently. She just doesn't like eating. I could be wrong but I've always suspected it's because she got used to not feeding much and not feeling full when she was still breastfeeding. It's one of my top regrets in life.

Ds is combination fed and thriving.

Long story short.dont feel guilty please. Breastfeeding is over rated. The most important thing is to get those calories and nutrients in. You are doing that. You are doing what's in the best interest of your child.

Pooet · 24/07/2022 04:38

EV117 · 22/07/2022 21:45

Left to their own devices formula manufacturers will try to persuade women that artificial milk is better than breast milk: more modern, more scientific, less icky. And they've killed countless thousands of babies (and thousands of women from breast cancer) using those tactics.

I think more babies have died of starvation than because of formula.
People seem to think that before formula came along everyone managed to happily breastfeed with no issues. Women have always struggled to breastfeed and babies, especially weak ones or ones that were prem died when mothers struggled to feed them, they starved to death or became very sick and often died because they were given goats milk or cows milk or sugar water as an alternative. If you were lucky you might have a breastfeeding friend or relative to feed them - which means being separated from your baby.
No one should wrongly be convinced that formula is superior to breastmilk, but it’s not poison FFS it is a very valuable invention.

It's.pointless arguing against this old chestnut. It's always a good yardstick to use to determine people who should be avoided for being generally a bit sheltered and thick. Boycott the Nestle boycotters 😀

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