Am I being too sensitive, formula websites ?

[iamjustamumnow]

So I really did try very very hard to breastfed both of my babies and I just didn't make it as far as I would have liked. It's a sore subject for me and I feel like I failed.

I'm just researching the best formulas online and I keep actually having to scroll to the bottom of pages and press an accept button when I try to read what is in formula milks etc. the text I need to accept is all around how breastfeeding is best. I actually need to scroll down and acknowledge that I've read this text, before I can see the page. The same way you need to accept cookies.

What's up with that ? I find this quite upsetting when doing my research, just a reminder that I've basically failed.

Prepared to be scolded on here but I find it strange. Everyone knows breast milk is best surely ? I'm aware it's a legal thing, as I think the formula companies aren't allowed to advertise on TV either ( for first milks anyway ). It makes me feel like I'm giving my baby poison ! Like formula is as bad as cigarettes !

I need to get a grip I know, but come on ! How bad do you want me to feel about not breastfeeding ? I feel bad enough as it is already.

Ps: I managed a few weeks. I really really tried.

I didn't even start directly breast until a few weeks because of various issues but had great support to pump then to get off the formula. So I think you didn't fail, but you didn't have the right support from the infant feeding team and lactation consultant to achieve your goal. I'm sorry that happened and you're reminded of it every time!

You do need a grip. It's fed is best, not breast is best. Do you think all the mums who couldn't BF are bad mothers? Seriously, do some research. There was a thread the other day, you should read that. It's perfectly fine to not BF. All this guilt hand wringing is just overly dramatic and unnecessary. To put it into perspective, when your child starts their first day of school does it matter who was bf or ff??

I'll be very honest - I stopped breastfeeding after couple of months because I wanted to sleep. Yes, I was feeling terrible, crying all day long, blaming myself, etc. But after few months I understood that it was my life saving decision.
My son was born too early, I was not ready.
I had 53 hrs labour which ended up with emergency CS and lots of trauma.
I was mentally drained.
This was the best decision ever because otherwise I don't think I would be still here.
I don't want even to think about soored boobs, nights, breastfeeding 24/7.
If I'll have more kids in the future, they'll be bottle fed from day one.
No shame, it's your choice.

The previous poster is referring to what’s known as the formula milk scandal: amp.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/nestle-baby-milk-scandal-food-industry-standards (I think).
Some formula companies have used very under hand tactics and harmed mothers and babies in the past. We need tight regulations around them because of this.
That’s not to say formula is poison. It’s just that some of the marketing and ways they’ve done business in the past has been questionable to say the least.

No I don't think they're bad mothers at all. Most mums I know did breastfeed. I try to remind myself of one mum I know who never even wanted to try from the start and I think she's a great mum. But I get reminded more often of the ones that did or do breastfed, I guess.

I also know one mum who had a newborn and toddler and didn't feed the newborn. She's an amazing mum. I always remind myself of them and it makes me feel better actually. I need to spend more time with them and remind myself of them more often !

I think the majority of mums I know did breastfeed though.

Throw that guilt away.

Good for you ! After I had my first, I thought it was ridiculous how upset I was I couldn't feed her for long and that I wouldn't get sucked into the guilt again next time. But it was a bit better with the second baby, but still just so incredibly difficult. And I got sucked into the guilt again !

I saw so many people! I paid an absolute fortune and used free resources too. Everyone had different advice and it just didn't work out.

Formula companies have a history of predatory marketing. They have gone into regions where women will not have stable access to clean water or even consistent access to formula and marketed the product. Once a woman stops breastfeeding, she can’t simply restart because the supply dries up.

just look at the crisis in America with the formula shortage. Parents have been panicking and buying formula on the black market to keep their babies fed.

formula is an amazing product and it saves lives when it serves as a backup to breastfeeding, which can not work out for a variety of reasons. When it becomes the primary mode of nutrition for the population, that is when the risk takes hold, because there is simply no substitute if the formula supply fails. Formula is the backup plan already.

Absolutely hated breast feeding, loved formula feeding, never felt the least bit guilty

That's so great! I wish I knew more people like you !

OP are you under the impression that breast fed babies are healthier.
A family member breast fed her child for 18 months.

A different family member bottle fed her child (her choice) both children were born 2 months apart.

Both full term healthy babies...guess which one has numerous chest infections ,ear infections, awful allergies....yep the breast fed one

Stop beating yourself up now...you done the best you could.

One child I formula feed, one I breastfed for over 2 years.

The formula fed one has the constitution of a mountain goat, occasionally gets bugs like so kids, but very mildly. She even enjoyed having chicken pox as she's could play for to dot on herself and she felt basically fine.

My breastfed one has struggled, has a very serious health issue, operations, and catching bugs (about once a week at the moment); sometimes puts her in hospital.

Best might be marginally slightly better on a population level (once you've taken out the socio-economic stuff that skews the results), but in an individual level it doesn't really make much/any difference in a country with decent water standards.

Your baby will be fine. More than fine. Thrive.
I hate the guilting and pushing women into breastfeeding.

I was a better parent when formula feeding as we shared nights so I had more energy to engage well, do exciting activities etc.

Ps, I only breastfed my youngest because she refused bottles from birth and gave me no choice 😂

I'd have preferred to mix feed or fully formula.

Absolutely - I mix fed both my babies and think formula is a fantastic thing for a lot of people but I always find it mind-blowing when people see this sort of thing as those pro-breastfeeding bullies being nasty to the formula companies or to women who formula feed. The reason that formula advertising is so heavily regulated is because of the utterly immoral ways that leading formula companies have acted in unregulated markets.

It is indeed a legal thing- a bit like how they can't advertise or do price promotions on stage 1 formulas.

I also didn't bf- my daughter was in NICU, and bottle fed there, so refused the breast. Trying to do it also made my mental health decline, as did constantly pumping. I went through similar pain at it not working out (and I had a supportive GP, HV and midwife- my GP pointed out that it wasn't a religion and that a happy baby needs a happy mother more than anything else). It sucks when it feels like everyone around you can do it without any effort- but soon enough, many of them will decide to switch. Within 6 months, all of the talk will be about weaning and the choices made there.

3 years later, there is zero difference between my daughter and her bf nursery friends. In fact, she is super tall, strong and smart, so...yeah.

Please don't feel bad about any choices you make. You are choosing what is best for your family, child and you.

One final note: all stage one formulas have to have exactly the same nutrient values. However, how they get to that varies- with some using different ingredients to others. As parents we can try to do what we think is best, but, actually, what the child decides is best may be different (example- my faughter started out on one of the expensive Aptamil Pro Futura formulas as that was what the hospital gave her. It was shiny and had added stuff, was high quality etc... but it left her very, very constipated. When we couldn't get it (just before the first lockdown) we ended up giving her Hipp as it was literally the onky one we could get anywhere. Et voila... no constipation, and a lot cheaper!)

I breastfed my babies. And now their diets are almost exclusively greggs, nuggets and pizza. I often wonder why I bothered

I know exactly what you mean op. My failure to breastfeed started a serious depression spiral for me.

However, now I'm out of it I have better perspective. Fed really is best and honestly, you literally cannot tell the difference between breast fed and bottle fed children and toddlers.
I realise that doesn't stop it hurting though. For me, I had to grieve the early journey I thought I was going to have and it was very painful seeing others breastfeeding so casually around me whilst I was being bombarded with formula adverts.
My advice is try and tailor your ada so they do not pop up and replace with something else.
Replace breastfeeding with something else intimate for your child. We did stories and that's our special time. Added bonus is he's a great 'reader'.
It will get better. Be kind to yourself. Fed really is best and if you love your baby and respond to their needs then you are a fantastic mum.
X

A legal thing.
Formula cannot be legally marketed to an infant under six months.
That's why FOLLOW ON milk was invented, to bypass this despite it not being different to normal "formula".

I think a candid look at what "formula" is is key.

Even consider the word "formula" it is entirely semantics to portray scientific research etc etc when it is merely powdered milk from another species fortified to make it tolerable for our species.

Breast milk isn't best. It's what's biologically expected and so is the bare minimum.

Have decided not to breastfeed for my own personal health reasons. It was very difficult to get a healthcare professional to listen to me and to sign it off in my chart. They kept telling me to educate myself more and more and do more classes. I am well aware of the benefits but also know my own health and surely a healthy mother formula feeding is better to mind a new born baby. Eventually got a helpful midwife who signed my notes and gave me wonderful advice for formula feeding! Sorry you have been made feel so guilty. You are doing an amazing job and even the research you are putting into formula shows how good you are doing for your baby. Chin up 💕 as a PP said, as they grow up nobody knows who was FF or BF! Fuck everyone else's opinion!

I managed for a matter of days. My nipples were 100% scab by the time I gave in. Honestly I think he'd had chewed them off by now if I'd persevered! I was determined to breastfeed for a matte role years, that's just not how it happened for us.

His immune system is fantastic, he fights stuff off better than me, hasn't been properly ill in his 15 months, I've had covid twice, flu, a sickness bug, and he's just powered on!

We used Hipp, really good, we tried Kendamill but it made his poo awful.

😂

I know what you mean, OP. I was struggling to BF in hospital after giving birth, and was pumping (and getting very little) then topping up with formula. I remember feeling so upset that there were so many posters about BF and bonding with your baby, and one small poster in the kitchen used to make formula saying how you should hold your baby close and look into their eyes as you fed them (or something along those lines) - as if mothers who FF wouldn’t bother or know how to bond with their babies.

Logically I know that the poster probably didn’t mean that, and that the hospital was required to promote BF, and the majority of babies in the UK are FF, but it still stings a little, even now (my ‘baby’ is 7 years old).

this mum is talking sense. I feel exactly the same as you - each to their own but not for me and that’s fine.
You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. When you see those breast is best banners, scroll on by and look for your (useful) information.

I haven't read all the comments but I just came to say that there is literally no difference in formula milk. The aldi formula is the exact same as the really expensive ones, so you don't have to keep going on these websites and making yourself feel bad.