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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost interest in my toddler

87 replies

user19888891 · 22/07/2022 14:10

My DD is 2.5yrs. She is so difficult right now. The last few days she has been screaming (just because she can), hitting me, hitting the baby, pushing the baby, throwing things, shouting at me move out her way, read her books, get a snack, turn the tv on etc etc. It’s constant loud noise and intermittent tantrums.
I usually try to take her out everyday but I really just can’t be bothered today, I don’t want to make the effort. I’m also finding it difficult to play with her because she constantly shouts at me and hits me.
I feel terrible for thinking this way but she’s such hard work

OP posts:
heyitsthistle · 22/07/2022 14:13

Could have written this myself. She's the same age and does all the same things.

I put on Peppa Pig far too often because she'll just sit and watch it, and I can mentally take a break.

HollowTalk · 22/07/2022 14:14

Wouldn't it be easier if you did take her out? There's more to distract her there, isn't there? I found quite a strict routine helped at that age, but it's still a difficult time, so I feel for you.

I do still have flashbacks even now (my daughter's in her 30s) to trying to get a seatbelt fastened when she was as rigid as a board.

Spottybluepyjamas · 22/07/2022 14:16

I feel for you, it's a hard age. Lesser of 2 evils is getting out and having her burn off energy, then get home, stick the tv on and have some down time for you

TabithaTittlemouse · 22/07/2022 14:19

You are allowed to have a off day. You also don’t have to do something every day!
Maybe your dd needs a day at home as much as you do.

It is hard with a toddler and a baby, it’s okay to have a nothing day (we all know that you won’t be doing nothing!). It’s exhausting having to entertain all of the time especially if they are having a grumpy stage.

Do you think the hitting etc could be a response to the baby?

Can anyone take her for a few hours to give you a break?

glamourousindierockandroll · 22/07/2022 14:20

I get what you mean. Sometimes I don't want to go out and have the hassle of her running off or alternatively refusing to walk and having to make small talk with other parents, but I'm also so sick of being in the house.

PearTree120 · 22/07/2022 14:20

Meh. Two year old’s gonna two year old.

It’ll pass. Then you’ll be like me and crying because they’re getting so big 😭

Kindofcrunchy · 22/07/2022 14:23

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Isonthecase · 22/07/2022 14:25

How old's the baby? It's a tough adjustment for everyone when a new baby arrives, we found it really hard too and our eldest was a right toerag to begin with because he is an actual human being and therefore found it hard too.

UWhatNow · 22/07/2022 14:25

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ForeverandAlways4 · 22/07/2022 14:29

It'll pass. mine is 3 now and i swear as soon as they hit 2 they turn into little (I can't use the word I really wanna use). Everyone with older children keeps telling me its a phase so I'm hanging on to hope.

Anon778833 · 22/07/2022 14:36

This is what 2 year olds are like. I have a 2.5 year old girl as well. At this age, frustration gives way to tantrums because the child can’t fully express feelings. That’s why it’s known as terrible 2s.

You can’t blame her for her behaviour. How do you respond when she hits you?

Consider the impact a new baby will have had on her - is she feeling displaced?

Is she getting enough sleep?

Also, does she go to nursery? She sounds bright and may need that stimulation.

SalviaOfficinalis · 22/07/2022 14:37

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Completely unnecessary. OP is having a hard time and using this to vent. She’s probably spent every day of the last 2.5 years putting her toddler’s needs first, and she’s having a little moan to gather the strength to continue putting her needs first.
Why kick someone when they’re down?

Original poster
user19888891 · 22/07/2022 14:39

Sorry I should have been clearer the ‘baby’ is ten months not a newborn! she is actually playing well independently at the moment so isnt drawing too much time away from toddler so I don’t think this is issue though obviously can’t be sure

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 22/07/2022 14:39

She is very upset about the new baby who she sees as having taken you away from her. It is like a form of betrayal, in her eyes - it’s a massive thing. I saw this quite a few times with friends’ children. I have a big age gap between mine so was spared it.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 22/07/2022 14:41

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Unbelievably nasty.

10speckledfrogs · 22/07/2022 14:41

Pack some snacks and a coffee for yourself and head outside somewhere safe and enclosed where toddler can run off all the energy. You can have a coffee in peace and hopefully toddler will sleep well tonight for you

I know you don't want to, but toddlers are much easily managed outside where they can climb and run and hit and kick things without being constantly told no for their safety. Much easier to manage when they can run feral somewhere safe.

Perhaps an enclosed park or playing field, or even just an enclosed public walk where it will be easy to keep your eye on toddler. Failing all else an age appropriate soft play so toddler can run off energy with other kids their age

Anon778833 · 22/07/2022 14:41

It’s a developmental stage which, all things being equal, will come and go but you must show that you love her unconditionally otherwise it won’t come and go.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 22/07/2022 14:42

You are not a machine. Children are exhausting. I am knackered with a two year old, and I dont have a baby to also look after.

Take a day. Stick the telly on. Easy lunch and dinner. Try again tomorrow xx

Anon778833 · 22/07/2022 14:44

10speckledfrogs · 22/07/2022 14:41

Pack some snacks and a coffee for yourself and head outside somewhere safe and enclosed where toddler can run off all the energy. You can have a coffee in peace and hopefully toddler will sleep well tonight for you

I know you don't want to, but toddlers are much easily managed outside where they can climb and run and hit and kick things without being constantly told no for their safety. Much easier to manage when they can run feral somewhere safe.

Perhaps an enclosed park or playing field, or even just an enclosed public walk where it will be easy to keep your eye on toddler. Failing all else an age appropriate soft play so toddler can run off energy with other kids their age

I think this is good advice.

Offandonagain · 22/07/2022 14:44

The only time I’ve ever properly lost my rag with my child was when she was 3!!… It’s the hardest age of all imo.

Just remember, it’s a phase and it shall pass xx

Nordensost · 22/07/2022 14:46

Hang on in there, it will pass. It isn't abnormal or a sign of being a terrible mother to love your child yet not particularly like them at times. Just try to fake it as much as you can, and keep her busy and active, until this phase passes.

Toottooot · 22/07/2022 14:48

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Oh shut up

Imissprosecco · 22/07/2022 14:48

I get it OP. I have a 2.9 year old and a 4 month old so also in the thick of it. Yesterday I could have cheerfully put the 2 year old in the bin! I find taking him out easier than staying in. Yesterday we went to the park in the morning and soft play in the afternoon because he was driving me crackers. Today he's in nursery - hooray! Means I can spend some quality time with the baby today and then focus on him over the weekend. I enjoy him a lot more when I've had a bit of a break from him!

Try to plan at least one activity a day, ideally one that will wear her out. I find that the days I just go "freestyle" are the days that descend into chaos! Does she still have a nap?

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 22/07/2022 14:49

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Ridiculous

NotSorry · 22/07/2022 14:49

When mine were that age and we were having a bad day I’d pop them in the bath and just sit on the floor of the bathroom to take a rest. The warm water used to calm them down

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