To have lost interest in my toddler

[user19888891]

My DD is 2.5yrs. She is so difficult right now. The last few days she has been screaming (just because she can), hitting me, hitting the baby, pushing the baby, throwing things, shouting at me move out her way, read her books, get a snack, turn the tv on etc etc. It’s constant loud noise and intermittent tantrums.
I usually try to take her out everyday but I really just can’t be bothered today, I don’t want to make the effort. I’m also finding it difficult to play with her because she constantly shouts at me and hits me.
I feel terrible for thinking this way but she’s such hard work

I so hear you!

I look after my 2 and 3 year old GDs. Sometimes I dream they were adopted rather than me taking them on forever. I love them but I’m so over the biting, screeching (that truly should only be audible to dogs), the fighting, the ignoring, the backchat etc.

Its exhausting and soul destroying and I feel like a hamster on a treadmill at times.

I'm really sorry but that's so harsh to put on the OP. I understand your feelings but that doesn't mean the OP can't struggle and be burnt out.

Perhaps her title wasn't perfectly worded, but just because there are people in this world that sadly can't have children, that doesn't mean it has to be all sunshine and flowers. It's just not the way it is.

I think that's really unfair to put on the OP.

You are not alone, I have a 2.5 yo and a 12mo and it's mentally draining the constant whinging and noise and toddler pushing baby, I've cut my 2.5yo nap so that she goes to bed earlier so I have some time to myself. You need time to yourself to clear your mind of the constant noise. I go into shut down eventually and can't function as it makes me so anxious. I dont havetant advice but know you aren't alone even though it feels like it.

Find all the parks with fenced in playgrounds and go every single day, (perhaps early morning or evening before bed in this heat?). Shut the gate, let your youngest crawl around and let your oldest play. Sandpit with bucket and spade for the garden if you have one (plastic so toddler can’t badly hurt baby), consider a Wendy house of some big garden toys (something to climb, something to ride around on) if have the space and budget. A motorised bubble machine will be a huge hit and give you time for a sit down with coffee. If you don’t have a garden, go to the park twice a day on ordinary, nothing special planned days.

It’s hard with a toddler and a baby. I can remember trying to make pancakes with ds1 whilst ds2 napped and feeling annoyed that he wasn’t really interested and I might as well have put the telly on and chilled. He was 23 months! I laugh at myself now. I think it’s easy to see them as “the big one” when they really are still very little.

Do you have a double buggy? Sometimes just getting out for a bit of a walk or go for coffee or an ice cream makes all the difference. Do you have family that could help you occasionally or could she have some nursery hours? These years pass so quickly although it doesn’t feel like that when you are in the middle of it.

Have you got a double pushchair? Go for walks. Let eldest walk until they kick off about something then strap them in and walk somewhere else till they’ve calmed down. Ear splitting shrieks hurt less outside.
Get eldest to ´read’ well loved books to the baby. The baby will absolutely love it.

Well aren’t you a delight.

This is how I learnt to act. I am going to act calm, cheerful patient and understanding. Of course, slightly sarcastic at times as a coping mechanism. It worked like a treat. Inside I was swearing constantly.

Exactly - nothing wrong with a lazy day.

You could let her pick what you do - see what she says. It might surprise you.

2/3 year olds can be tyrants!

It’s called the terrible twos for a reason!!

You don’t need to do something everyday.
Just put on Disney movies all day and relax indoors.

Sitting in staring at a screen all day is only bad if you do it regularly but it’s healthy to have a ‘do nothing productive’ day.

If you have a garden let them run around or do some drawing on the pavement.

I used to find getting my DD out of the door so difficult so I’d wake up put jogging bottoms on us both even if her PJs were underneath or sometimes keep her in her PJs and let her run around the park (ADHD) to let off steam before going back home for breakfast and some TV which gave me the chance to have a minute to myself.

You’ll find ways to cope and remember it’s not forever.
My biggest advice like so many other parents is not worry about ‘doing things’ everyday.

You haven’t “lost interest”

you’re having a bad day but I really just can’t be bothered today

Simple as that

At 3 years old she can be 'helping' you. Ask her to fetch things (put them within her reach) such as a nappy, cream etc and then lots of praise telling her how helpful she is.

Or let her 'help you' with the washing up. Put a large towel on the floor, give her a small plastic bowl, a bit of washing up liquid in a plastic cup and a few plastic items to wash. Again, being very pleased that you have such a great helper.

On fine days, can she help dress the baby? She needs involvement in daily activities which should make life a bit easier.

Or as others have said, find a soft play or an enclosed park to go to. Lots of running games if possible.

I had two quite close in age and it is hard but gets better.

And why have another if you can't cope with the one you have?!

Because the baby is 10 months,a pregnancy takes 9 months and the toddler is 2.5 so maths say the toddler was around a year old when OP fell pregnant and probably wasn't so challenging.

Why don't we give a break to an exhausted mum with 2 kids under 3.They don't call them the terrible two's for nothing;none of us are perfect parents and have had those awful moments of loathing and self doubt when our kids were toddlers.It's a wonder any of us put ourselves through it but we love our kids even if they drive us batshit.

I always wonder how posters like @Thursday37 fare when their children grow in to teens and adults and perhaps make bad decisions or encounter difficulties due to a poor decision.

i suspect - cats bum face, judgemental, and thoroughly unsupportive

Very much the same feeling with seven and eight year olds. Loathe the age group - always whining often have lots of friendship breakdowns/make ups within school day, I can't do it is often their go to catch phrase... Its a milestone I'm not looking forward to again. But mothering is a journey and it's never linear. Brush yourself off and remind her why you like her, poor little girl is enduring a newborn sibling crying and ruining one to one with you and navigating her own milestones.

Failing that, a squirt or two of Elbow Grease.

Mine are 26, 25 and 16 now and parenting is a pleasure (most of the time). It does get easier.

Ignore her when she's behaving like that they do it for a reaction. Don't give her what she's asking for. When she asks nicely reward her.

Some great supportive posts here. I had twins and when they were 2 year olds, life was a nightmare, often the minute I turned my back/left the room, warfare would break out and my god, they could be horrible to each other and me.

I wondered, since no one else. has said, how she is with sleep, does she have any naps in the day and how is her diet? She sounds quite hyper and as though she might benefit from some quiet time with a snuggle blanket, a milky drink, a cuddle on the sofa? One of my twins had awful tantrums and I used to gently hold her until she quietened down, just enough to keep her on my lap but not restraining her, obviously. It used to work for me.

A warm bath is soothing physically, I agree with that suggestion. I also used to think tactile play with Playdoh type stuff, distracting and needing physical input.

At times, I used to think I was going mad and I was forever grateful to an older woman I knew with grown up children who said to me, 'it's not forever, it will end, we all feel like that sometimes, take care of yourself and if necessary, see that they are safe and sit down with earplugs and a nice cup of tea!'. xx

They can be demanding at that age - my dd had so much energy. I took her out minimum once a day, sometimes twice, morning and afternoon. I didn't always feel like making the effort but it was actually easier than staying in for long periods.

I had 24 month age gap between my two dd so the baby and toddler days felt long!

Honestly toddlers can be so shit and you're allowed to moan about it. Ignore anyone that tries to make you feel bad.
I find age 2-4 utterly miserable most of the time but I've had four kids so I'm a glutton for punishment! My 7 and 9 year olds are absolute dreams at the moment and the despair of toddlerhood seems lightyears away. My 2 and 4 year olds are savages but it will pass! Hang on in there.

She senses you've lost interest in her/can't be bothered (and jealously suspects you are more interested in the baby).

Thats why she is trying to get your attention any way she can.

My 2 year old is q difficult at the moment too which is a bit of a shock to the system as she's been pretty golden up til now. She has recently dropped her nap even though technically she still needs a little nap as she gets quite tired and grumpy in the afternoons. I find her quite exhausting but will just have to ride out the storm.