To have lost interest in my toddler

[user19888891]

My DD is 2.5yrs. She is so difficult right now. The last few days she has been screaming (just because she can), hitting me, hitting the baby, pushing the baby, throwing things, shouting at me move out her way, read her books, get a snack, turn the tv on etc etc. It’s constant loud noise and intermittent tantrums.
I usually try to take her out everyday but I really just can’t be bothered today, I don’t want to make the effort. I’m also finding it difficult to play with her because she constantly shouts at me and hits me.
I feel terrible for thinking this way but she’s such hard work

You don't get to "lose interest" in your toddler....

You wouldn't even say this about a pet!

You had her, she didn't ask to be born!

Is the toddler in nursery at all? Or can someone come and take them for the day? I kept my toddler in nursery during my Mat leave and we all benefitted

Awa bile yer heed min.

@Kindofcrunchy Kindofnasty

It's a phase. My 2.5 year old is generally pretty easy but she's going through something at the moment and has been having tantrums and finding it difficult to settle herself. Her little brother is 7 months and she is sometimes mean to him. I think for mine it might be related to her little brother learning to move whereas before he was just a cute little thing she could go and interact with only when she wanted to.

I follow biglittlefeelings on Instagram and try to use their techniques as much as possible (naming and acknowledging feelings, holding boundaries and positive redirection). Sometimes it doesn't work though and you just have to let the tantrum run its course whilst being there to support as best you can. It's easy to say that - I was not doing much "gentle parenting" yesterday when DD had a meltdown in the park. I had the baby strapped in the sling and needed to get home so I did just grab her arm and march her to the car. It's hard with a toddler and a baby.

This should be a bumper sticker! I know what you're going through, OP, I feel nothing but sympathy.

I do think your thread title is needlessly provocative though. She's being difficult and you're finding it hard - that's not exactly losing interest in her!

In times like this I think it's important to remember you're not her friend, you're her mum, and th

Clicked too soon. And that's a job that you can't quit, but you don't have to enjoy it.

In order to do any job well. You need to make sure your needs are taken care of. You can't pour from an empty cup. So while you feel like this, just do what needs to be done to get her to play on her own and do something for you!

When you feel renewed, then you can try being her friend again. But she's also still so wee, and kids learn through repetition, so this will happen again I'm afraid.

You need to make a system for when things start feeling this way.

This. And why have another if you can’t cope with the one you have?!
Toddlers are challenging, I’ve got an easy one as far as they go and I couldn’t manage her every day, nursery is a godsend as she gets tired out and I miss her. It makes the days together better. Do you have time apart?
I get absolutely exasperated sometimes and want a day off but never “lose interest”, I think that’s rather odd.

Thanks for all the helpful advice and support so far.
sorry the thread title probably isn’t best phrased- I was trying to find a shorter way of saying im finding her difficult and looking after her is very draining and I’m not quite sure how to deal with it and start enjoying our time together again
I think for tomorrow I’ll be more organised and commit to going out, as most of you said it’s much easier when we do get out
never heard of biglittlefeelings so will definitely have a look at that. I love the bath idea too!

This. And why have another if you can’t cope with the one you have?!
Such helpful advice.
OP, its OK, that age is really hard and some days it's drudgery, but it does get better, so much better.
You are allowed to have a home day, you don't need to be doing something all the time.

My youngest, now mid-30's, never wanted to be indoors and it was exhausting. He was about 12+ months old and he'd go to the door and yell "Out Out Out". Then have a shit-fit when I wouldn't go out. I'd drive slowly passed the tractor dealerships multiple times a day, so he could look at the tractors for sale and the minute they were out of sight the tantrum would start. Kicking screaming. We farm and the local farm dealerships all have toy model tractors for sale. The same man who used to sell him the toy tractors is now actually selling him real tractors over 30 years later!

My oldest son, now almost 50, used to have epic tantrums and throw himself onto the floor or ground. One day he threw himself onto the kitchen floor face first and his tooth went through his lip. I remember thinking, 'good, that'll teach you'. He stopped having such epic melt downs after that.

It gets better and one day you'll be telling her what a little shit she was and you'll laugh about it. We do.

You’re not losing interest, you’re burnt out imho.

toddlers are hardcore full on. If you’re someone who needs a bit of space to recharge it can be overwhelming.

if anyone offers you a break snap their hand off but otherwise I agree that it’s worth getting out of only for the entertainment/tiring out value. If not then set aside twenty minutes for full on attention and completely fake it. You might find it satisfies them.

.

@Thursday37

'Why have another if you can't cope with the one you have?'

What a shitty comment.

@user19888891 Don't feel bad. 2 is a terrible age for some. And especially when you have a baby too. As pps have said, it sounds like she may be a bit jealous and resentful of the new baby. It won't last though, and it will pass.

As people have said, maybe take her somewhere where she can let off steam, and burn off some energy.

Oh, tiny kids can be the pits sometimes, OP. I hear you. Sometimes you just have to get through the day as best you can.

If you've got the money, put her in childcare in a working nursery. Especially if you've got another baby.

At 20 months I couldn't take anymore and we had the money and DS went into a nursery two days a week. Full time.

It's often when the baby starts crawling and becoming more independent that an older child becomes more jealous as the baby can get to the older child's toys. As with all things, it will pass. I agree that getting her outside is a good idea. Perhaps you could have a time each day that it is just you and her, possibly when the baby is having a nap. You could read to her, play games with her, crafty things. A special mummy and big girl time.

Meanwhile: www.ahaparenting.com/guide/toddlers

I’m infertile and distraught from many miscarriages and a life of being childless, you are so lucky to have her. If not, there are thousands of families who would love to adopt her or a child like her. Count your blessings.

I'm sorry for everything you've been through but that's unfair. OP clearly loves her child but is finding parenthood a struggle at the moment. She has every right to express that and doing so doesn't mean she isn't aware of how lucky she is to have her DD. At no point in her post does OP say her DD is not wanted, just that she is finding it difficult right now, so the mention of adoption is uncalled for.

This. And why have another if you can’t cope with the one you have?!

OP has not said she "can't cope" with her child, just that she's going through a difficult phase and doesn't have the energy to go out today! Why can't people just have a bit of empathy?

And why have another if you can’t cope with the one you have?!

Silly OP. Maybe she can put the baby on ebay.

I imagine the OP was coping just fine before having another one.
And even if she wasn't, maybe the baby was not planned , or maybe circumstances have changed.
Or more likely, it's just one day in the life of being at home with a 10 month old and a toddler. Tomorrow will be a new day, next week there'll be a whole different set of challenges. That's just life.

Whatever....she is in a pickle and came on here to less off steam and get some advice.

It really does get better. My dd was a monster at that age. Not so much with the hitting and screaming but with the incessant demands for undivided attention. I also had ds as a baby at the time. She’s now 15 and delightful. I even occasionally give her a day off from her penance of scrubbing the toilets in appreciation.