Get married !! If you are the poorer half

[Lindasllama]

Have read so many different threads on here this evening and still women are putting themselves in such a precarious position..

if your earning power will diminish once pregnant.. if you are /will be reliant on your 'D' P for financial stability when child arrives . Why haven't you both signed that legal contract called marriage ?

I honestly believe this stuff should be taught in schools to empower women to make their own well informed choice before they screw their later lives looking after kids - ending up far poorer than their children's fathers .

If you are the higher earner. Own your own home , have independent income .. then this question does not apply. Only interested in the thoughts of those who will be screwed if DP fucks off and will leave you screwed .

Sorry, I’ve tried to read the full thread but I’m distracted with my baby too. I always think I’m missing out on key bits of info with this issue so genuinely interested in the risks of being unmarried.

I’m unmarried with two children. I’m not really bothered about getting married. I am a joint owner with DP of two houses (50/50 share). I will go back to work after maternity leave but I earn half of what he does. I’ve missed out on two years of earnings due to mat leave but my career hasn’t stalled.

DP doesn’t have much of a pension (less than me) or savings (wiped out buying the property with me). I’ve always thought our assets are equal so never felt adversely affected by not being married. Am I being very naive and exposing myself? I’m sleep deprived and have in the past failed to understand fully or find the answers to what the risks to me are. I’m starting to wonder about inheritance tax though and considering getting some financial advice.

Of course if we did split up, I couldn’t afford our current lifestyle and he pays a lot more of the costs we currently have. Stupidly, we also don’t have wills. I need to get on top of this!

T*o empower women to make their own independent choices
*
Yet your whole post is preachy. This isn't the 1950's where women should get married off for financial security. Maybe you should dust off that little pinny of yours and go make the tea. Sorry, is that too outdated?

For example, if you split up and he had 50/50 custody he wouldn't have to pay anything. It's different if you are married.

So no-one gets married, so what? As PP said marriage isn't the be all and end all when it comes to relationships. I've been in mine for 20+ years....still not marrying him though.

@SweetMeadow it depends how much your properties are worth. If you are unmarried and one of you dies the other will have to pay inheritance tax on their share of the assets. It is one of the reasons a lot of couples decide to get married in their 60’s, after years of being together but unmarried.

Personally I find the idea of marrying for money pretty repugnant. I'm sure people do marry for financial stability, but with the divorce statistics as they are I'd suggest this isn't necessarily working out for many people.

As far as I'm concerned it's marry for love or don't marry at all.

Marriage is essentially a legal contract. Love has nothing to do with it.

IMO it should. That's just my opinion.

What happens if your child has a disability and requires more than normal levels of care? What if you are rendered disabled yourself through illness or disability? What happens at the point you have caring responsibilities towards your own parents or indeed, a sibling other family member or even friend?

i don’t disagree we need to teach girls to be financially independent but we are emotional and social creatures and shit happens in everyone’s life at some point. Financial independence can’t always be maintained - in which case, marriage is still the thing that gives you a level of security if your relationship breaks down. And relationship breakdown following serious illness or disability is not uncommon.

It's not so simplistic as the OP's suggestion. It requires a flow chart with a long string of possible financial and employment circumstances - do you own a property in your own name? Do you have dc? Do you have a career in which you could take off 5 years to have children but jump back in with nothing more than a training course or a few months of agency work? Are you concerned about inheritance tax? - to decide if marriage is a good choice or bad.

The question really revolves around the idea of SAHPs, not marriage. Raising children fulltime and not being employed is a risky path for many. Plenty of women very much want to be SAHM for at least some of their dc's lives, and the cold, rational thinking about whether that is a viable choice does not really happen as often as it should.

What @Boxowine said.

I will be teaching both my kids to aim for complete financial independence and if they do get married or have kids that they're both as equally responsible for them in terms of finances and actual care as their ohs are

Also @Vikinga

Because money and a career doesn't get in the way of loving and looking after your children when you're a mother.

It absolutely doesn't. Or when you're a dad. Which is why it's possible to still have a career and be a parent

Provided you can find a career that fits around your children. Easier once they're at school other than at holidays. When they're little you just have to pay someone else to care for them while you work. When they're at school you have holidays to fit in.

@BigFatLiar

Yeah I dont think its that unreasonable to have a career that fits around kids.

Most folk I know do.

Me and my oh do. We've never paid for anyone to look after them.

I'm not really sure why thats relevant though.

Using childcare doesn't mean you stop being a parent or loving or looking after your kids

Its not like they go in a cupboard once they're out of childcare.

Yet your whole post is preachy. This isn't the 1950's where women should get married off for financial security. Maybe you should dust off that little pinny of yours and go make the tea. Sorry, is that too outdated?

Then perhaps the law is outdated ? Yes it is !!
But it is what it is for now... so how best to support women ?

The best way to support women is to stop judging them for making choices you wouldn't.

The best way to support women is to make them feel empowered enough that know who they are, what they are capable of and that they are good enough to not tolerate anyones shit

This is exactly what I intend to do but it will be a civil partnership, not marriage, which I object to. For a woman that has made sure they are financially viable, have mirror wills and mirror pension statement of wishes, the actual ONLY disadvantage to not being married is this - cant pass assets for Iheritance tax if one partner dies.

There's also no widows pension but its ao comparatively small compared to personal pensions that i dont think its much of a consideration to many people (and probably wont exist for much longer anyway).