Get married !! If you are the poorer half

[Lindasllama]

Have read so many different threads on here this evening and still women are putting themselves in such a precarious position..

if your earning power will diminish once pregnant.. if you are /will be reliant on your 'D' P for financial stability when child arrives . Why haven't you both signed that legal contract called marriage ?

I honestly believe this stuff should be taught in schools to empower women to make their own well informed choice before they screw their later lives looking after kids - ending up far poorer than their children's fathers .

If you are the higher earner. Own your own home , have independent income .. then this question does not apply. Only interested in the thoughts of those who will be screwed if DP fucks off and will leave you screwed .

Of course having children shouldn’t only be for well off women.

But the point is that as a woman in minimum wage or whatever you are not going to enhance your financial prospects by hooking up with a man just for the sake of it. Particularly one who won’t marry you.

Better poor but free and independent than poor and having all the shots called by a bloke who is also poor and doesn’t really give a shit.

@Blossomtoes yes we both get each other's.
We are financially water tight.

Yes this is a good message to teach girls. However the boys will learn it too.

Well I would never be screwed because I am employable and have earning potential. I am married, but if you are a SAHM you have time in your day to work on your future. Yes, you're busy, but there's no travel, it's a whole day, oftentimes little one is at school leaving 5 hours at least to improve yourself; a course, learn about investments, do a little job for cash to use, crafty stuff to sell etc. etc.

Take advantage of the situation don't sit there eating bon bons.

Sounds like you have a proper man there who will ensure his children's mother is taken care of no matter what. I know mine is the same. They do exist, you just have to be clear about wanting them when dating. And have something to offer them in return.

Sons have to be educated too for their future marriages

My son is adamant he doesn't want kids, and knows that if he partners up with a woman who does and is eventually persuaded to have them (how many times do we see that on here), he can't say "well it's you who wanted them" and leave her to bear the burden in so many ways.

He's got his eyes wide open and is determined to only settle (if at all) with a like minded woman who shares his aspirations.

Wtf have I just read? Maybe go out to work and earn your own bloody money

Well I realise you don’t want my opinion because I earn enough to be financially independent (even though I’m currently subsided by my other half (to whom I’m not married) because I’m on maternity leave) … but I’m going to give it to you anyway. I can’t disagree more with the idea we should be teaching girls they need to get married to be secure! I certainly won’t be teaching my daughter that. What we need to do is challenge the societal issues that leave women in this position (I.e the gender pay gap, the idea that caring is primarily women’s responsibility and the high cost of childcare).

Agree wholeheartedly with this.

Oh the irony of this thread! For every poorer person in a couple, the other will be better off. If none of the better off decide to marry, how will the worse off end up married?

Or should people only dates those of the same income? But then what happens after children, after promotions etc.... Total rubbish.

I've taught my daughter to be financially independent and advised to it have children with an prepared and wanting to be 50% involved in childcare. I taught my son to be financially independent and to be prepared to do 50% of childcare.

I advised to never marry to provide security for their partner or unless they are prepared to potentially lose more than half their assets.

So it's okay for men to end up poorer but not women? How about pick your partner well before you have DC.

Exactly what I was trying to say up thread. All I got was "clue is in the title". Peak Mumsnet

Yes I absolutely agree that marriage does not mean some sort of magical ring of security. However it does provide for a huge amount more than cohabitation. Which provided bugger all.. unless you get v lucky and able to make a claim for housing under the childrens act.

If you are the generalised sahm alluded to here who is left by a husband it is unlikely she would get spousal maintenance. However she would have a financial interest in a property if they own. Of which she would usually be able to secure more than a 50% interest in. Not great - but something .

Parents living in their cohabiting partners property are entitled to nothing save CM.

No. The point is that when you get married and have children, sacrifices have to be made by everyone.

I didnt work for 10 years as I birthed and looked after 4 kids. My ex wouldn't have been able to do his job had he had to look after the kids 50% .

If we had both carried on working and not had kids we would both have been better off.

However, my career pause set me back whilst his grew. I had to restart.

So if there are equal childcare and career breaks and stuff then it's fine to each keep what they earn

It's not about leaving your financial security to a man. It's that if you get pregnant and have dc, most of the time, there will be a hit to your career due to time taken out. Once your pay falls beneath his, it often becomes default that the woman is the one to sort out staying home if dc are unwell etc to protect his higher earnings. This causes a further curb on her career. It is doable but very hard to have zero negative impact on a career if you have dc. So this needs to be accounted for in divorce

I'd never marry anyone who earned less than me anyway. Made that mistake before, won't happen again.

The people that I know who are in a precarious financial position in middle age are ALL people that have been through a divorce. I really don't get this argument. It's really expensive to go through a divorce.

If none of the better off decide to marry, how will the worse off end up married?

Marriage isn't a right

a family member has recently died and didn't do a will. I think his partner thinks she will get his estate as common law wife. The reality is much different.

He needs to pay attention to mumsnet advice

You can (and should) make wills without being married.

If everyone followed this no one would marry anyone unless they earned exactly the same. It's hard enough finding the right person let alone one that earns exactly the same as you. What happens if once you are together one starts to earn more? Iv you got a pay rise would you dump them?

You can be in a relationship with someone without marrying them…

You should be responsible for your own financial well-being and 50 percent of your child's.
You make sure that you are financially savvy and everything is legally binding.
You don't get married, have a child and give up work and hope for the best.
This is financial suicide

Little crafty jobs and selling your possessions do not equal financial independence. How depressing that you think that’s what women should aspire to do. And regardless of how many courses you do whilst your kids are at school, you will struggle to get a job with no work experience in the area.