To let people know now that it’s presents for kids only this Christmas

[Ivechangedthis]

There is so much expectation from people around Christmas. July seems suitably far ahead to say, don’t buy for anyone other than the children, unless you really know what someone wants and want to spend on it. Friendship and love not gifts. If you feel bad contribute to the costs of Christmas lunch. or give people cash if you absolutely need to gift (choose a £5 gift from a second hand shop).

tell people now so there are no surprises/expectations.

Something like it yep. When I was replying to the OP I was being harassed by a hangry toddler so it ended up being a touch more formal than I intended!

I'm going to start giving kids less this Xmas and try to make the money spent work as hard as possible.

I am determined to avoid more 'stuff' they don't need just to satisfy my desire to make them superficially happy.

We have suffered financially this year and I would far rather put money into a savings account for each of them to use throughout the year.

I know they would value it so much more.

And I am going to make a lot of other presents this year - useful, edible, sustainable is my mantra!

You do you. My family and friends likes buying each other presents. We don’t spend a fortune. But we get joy out of exchanging gifts. Nobody would want to stop.

We've been doing this for years and its taken a lot of stress out of it but it depends on your situation and there will always be someone who will be offended and won't go for it. My family have all been fine with it and when I see people Christmas shopping looking utterly fed up I'm glad that I don't have that worry.

Would you mind please not buying gifts for us this Christmas and accept maybe a mutual exchange of practical help ie childminding or gardening, or maybe just a fun video call instead?

Lose the "practical help" offer - it sounds very impractical and certainly likely to be a pain in the arse for anyone who doesn't have kids in the unlikely event that the help ever comes to fruition.

Completely agree. Is the OP the arbiter of Christmas? The thread title makes it sound like it’s a government policy or something.

I deserve presents too from my family, this whole ‘only for the kids’ can get lost. I love buying my adult friends and family gifts and I love receiving them.

We have a set amount per family and it's kids only. It's £30 regardless of no kids or more kids

We have 4 families we buy for (family)

2 couples don't have kids we get them something for them £30 between each couple - if/when they have a family it will stretch further

1 couple have 1 child so they get a gift as do parents within the £30

1 couple have 2 children they get £10 between the adults then £10 each per child

We have 2 kids we get £30 for our family from each

We all follow the £30 per household rule so nobody is spending more than anyone else - if you shop around and do the 3-4-2's you can get some good bits

At Easter we do "secret bunny" so everyone pulls a name out the hat and buys a £5 Easter gift for that person and then the bunny hides them around the egg hunt but with bills being as they are we may even do a secret Santa this year we'll see how it goes

Oh yay. Another no one comes along to tell me how to live my life. 🧟

What about the child free couples?

My cousins were very keen on this system. I am not exaggerating when I say there were 0 children on our side (there's only 1 now) and 10 on theirs. I still feel resentful now. TBF one of them buys thoughtful, curated, sweet presents for my one now (even though hers are adults) so she gets a pass.

If you're the one with the children and there are child-free people, don't be a dick about it.

Some people without kids might not really enjoy a Christmas with zero gifts in their home, although they're unlikely to say anything. I think if you're not going to do the same for all ages, then agree to buy for the youngest generation in each household. So a couple without children would receive something.

So long as single people or couples who are without kids are not expected to buy presents for anyone including children. I used to get this “just buy for the kids” malarkey, I would end up spending a fortune whilst parents didn’t have the financial worry or the stress of Christmas shopping and not a single thing for me to open on Christmas day, not even a box of chocolates, and yes I know you don’t give to receive but that’s really not the point.

Absoluely agree with this. I have a DBro and DSis. DBro is married with DC and I am married with DC, DSis is single, no DC.

DBro and DSIL decided one year that we, as a family, should all just buy for kids. Fine for families with kids, but were we just supposed to forget all about DSis?? Parents are dead, no partner, so basically no presents for her.

Really made me cross tbh. Why don't people think things through!
I wouldn't mind if they were broke but they're very much not, DSis is not at all as financially comfortable. DBro and DSIL spend literally thousands on their kids gifts, but didn't want to even get a book or similar for DSis? Yet she was, of course, expected to buy gifts for their 4 children!!

We didn't go with their plan, needless to say.

And the child free singles?

As a family (well in-laws) we have agreed to do no presents, we have tightened our belts, and BIL and SIL have been hit hard by the cost of living crisis too. Our DC are young enough not to notice anyway so its no big deal. In the past we have done presents, however we cant justify it this year.

Good idea to do it early.
‘And agree at what age you stop buying for the kids while you’re at it.

That's a great idea

We do this in our family. My parents started it when were kids for financial reasons. As we became adults and their financial situation got better it crept in again. We all spend Christmas together across a couple of families and then a couple of years ago we had a Christmas where the amount of gifts were outrageous. Only a few small gifts per person but it all mounts up and the result was all of us sitting in a room surrounded by 'stuff' that was largely just pointless and bought just for the sake of it. Me and my sibling both felt really uncomfortable with it all. There was a lot of waste and we were literally stepping over gifts on the floor all the way across the room. It felt like a massive displace of reed and opulence and made us both feel a bit ashamed at the waste and pointlessness of all those gifts. After that year we had a chat with the rest of the family and stopped gifts all round except for the kids. And even then the gift value is capped (usually £10 for children that arnt yours).
Now we all love Christmas! It sounds so corny but it really is just about family now and us spending time together and it just feels 'right'.

Fine, but do it in October at the earliest. It's July!

If it works for your family, then do it.

I do think people should consider those without children though so they don’t end up having to buy without getting anything back.

Personally, I like getting presents from close family even though I’m an adult. My family don’t spend much money on each other though. It’s mostly small treats.

We once suggested to my husband's family (two sets of parents, 6 brothers, most with partners, some with kids, about 19 people in all) that instead of buying everyone presents, that we just pull a name out of a hat and get one decent present each... did not go down well so of course I ended up with several of those bath sets I never use and things you always get people you don't know and you don't want to spend a lot of money on as you have so many to buy for!
Now I just buy for my immediate family, step kids and their partners, and I send flowers to my in laws. Don't buy for friends or anyone else. I love doing that and as the number is relatively small it's affordable.

I stopped buying presents for anyone but my immediate family (Dparents, Dsis, my 3 DCs) and a small £10 gift for my 2 godchildren 14 years ago. It was such a relief.

Our rule was amount per household otherwise my Dsis would have massively lost out. So she spent £30 on me and my 3DCs in total; same on our parents together and she had £30 spent each on her by Dparents and I.

In reality I ended up spending more on my parents (Amazon Fire sticks for downstairs and upstairs, Android phone another year , etc) as what I wanted to buy them was often more. But that's cos they're my parents & wouldn't buy it for themselves - (& they never stuck to their budget for DCs! )

I'm pretty much finished so no point. Just waiting for alcohol deals for those presents.

I don't like the just buy for kids idea though. I'd say don't bother for the kids either if that's the case.

I prefer a secret Santa me. Much more fun and everyone gets something.

It’s a great idea, OP. Most adults don’t need any more “stuff”. Thinking of doing the same.

We went to kids only a while back. Not because we can't afford it, but it can be tricky buying gifts for adults. We all ended up spending money on stuff that they/we probably didn't want.

I'm cutting kids off at 18/21 as we're now on money/Amazon vouchers. Which isn't a problem, but it becomes a bit pointless when we all exchange our envelopes.

I love Christmas but spending time with people, games, nice food, a couple of films. I'm happy not receiving any presents but I appreciate I may not be normal on that front. Or just a selection box.

I can see what you’re trying to do but my family consists of
Mum & Dad 74, 74
Brother single 54
1 x DC 23
Brother 51
SIL 51
2 x DC 27, 25
BIL widow 51
1 x DC 13
Me 51
DH 54
2DC 23, 21

so do we all sit there while my 13 yr old niece opens gifts?