To let people know now that it’s presents for kids only this Christmas

[Ivechangedthis]

There is so much expectation from people around Christmas. July seems suitably far ahead to say, don’t buy for anyone other than the children, unless you really know what someone wants and want to spend on it. Friendship and love not gifts. If you feel bad contribute to the costs of Christmas lunch. or give people cash if you absolutely need to gift (choose a £5 gift from a second hand shop).

tell people now so there are no surprises/expectations.

Absolutely this.

And yeh. Many people start planning and shopping in summer so reasonable time to mention it

We do presents for the kids and one secret Santa gifts for the adults, budget is £30.

But then, there are people like me. I have one adult child and her partner to buy for. I am also "allowed" to buy for my three great nieces. But not their parents, my nephew and niece because a similar "rule" applies in my family.

but I actually enjoy buying presents for those I love, and I'm lucky enough to be able to afford it. So the family rule deprives me of pleasure.

I don't want presents back. I'm too old and financially comfortable to need anything. And anyway, I remember all too well the financial struggle of bringing up a young family, and would hate to put my niece and nephew through any more financial pressure.

but the point remains, it denies me a small pleasure, choosing something I think each would like.

This is interesting - would you feel it was spoiling their surprise if you asked them what they would like?

If they told you would you feel happy to take their lead?

We did only kids and parents only for years, it is so liberating. We spend the money on being/doing things together instead.

Grandparents/parents are sadly gone. "Kids" are all mostly 21+ now and classed as adults. A couple are 18+ and get cash in a card and there is one youngster who still gets toys (they are not local so it will be a direct delivery wrapped by amazon) so not much buying for us at all this year.

So enjoying no stressing getting gifts this year, next year there will be a couple of babies (and I'll be a great-aunt) and it will all start again!

I've cut the present malarkey out.
We do days out as a family instead of gifts.
Same with friends and their children. Do a group Christmas Day our no gifts.

This is great because

1. I don't have to think about gifts, order, buy, collect, store or wrap anything
2. I was sick of my children receiving things they would never use, play with etc and filling the house up with plastic
3. Much prefer experiences and we would be doing Christmas days out anyway so it's not extra money we are spending
4. I buy my children exactly what they need and like and have a little more to spend on them as I'm not buying other children presents.

We all tell each other what we would like. Doesn't have to be exact thing, can just be "I would like some nice thermo mug". Still can be surprised if it's a crazy design.

That's a bit awkward, I have just been out and bought yours @Ivechangedthis

Too early IMO. People won't remember. It's only July! I would leave it til September. Most people don't even start buying presents for anyone til October-ish.

Hmm I dunno, I think it depends how many of your usual present crowd have children and how many don't. I'd just make this agreement with those who do, and continue as normal for the rest.

^^ Basically because I wouldn't like to think there might be some individuals who wouldn't get any/many gifts with this rule in place.

MIL announced we were doing this a few years ago- in about Oct. I pointed out that I had already bought all family gifts already, but was happy to comply and just give to kids.

Come Christmas day, however, we all got gifts. MIL had 'neglected' to update me that she had changed her mind, yet again, and clearly told no one else of her original plan! 😡

Mind your own business OP you do what you want and let others do what they want. I love Christmas and will buy for adults as well as children.
Your post was judgy and preachy, and what others do, does not concern you. Concentrate on your own family.

This seems like a good idea. I have had more success making deals with individual relatives about not exchanging gifts. I think the ‘kids and childless adults’ policy is good- that includes young people who might still like presents or a bit of help while they are starting out on their own or people who live on their own and so will probably have higher living costs.

However I have found that not all of the adults in my family are happy with the idea of not being bought a present.

We all just bought token gifts last year and intend to do the same this year. Mainly things to eat or drink!

All the adults could do secret Santa?

Whilst I agree it's for children it isnt fair if those without children receive nothing.

Thanks all - I’ve picked up some useful ideas.

I buy for 3 adults....my adult dcs and my dh. Certainly not brothers, friends, in laws and other randoms.

Sorry but I am not going to spend out on kids then have nothing to open myself on Christmas day. How depressing!

You'd send that to your family?!!!

No I think its shit to impose this rule on the childless/free. By all means tell them to only buy for your children but in return you should buy a gift for them.

I'm just going to change what I buy so its more practical or a fancier version of something they use already. Eg. Nice handwash, fancy shower gel. The little touches that can brighten a day.

My brother in law has a big family they all buy the children , but they put all the adults names in a hat every adult picks one name and just buys for that adult, so everyone gets a present. X

She's not telling others what to do.

She's offering an alternative perspective for what many people feel obliged to do, which may be helpful to some given the financial pressures this year.

Too many aggressively defensive posters on here

No, it wasn't "judgey" or "preachy". Why are posters so aggressively defensive on here when someone just brings up a suggestion that might make others feel less obligated to get themselves into debt for one day a year?

Don't take it personally

She's not telling others what to do.

To be fair, it is a little awkward as once you suggest this idea, the other person knows that you don't really want to buy a gift for them so will likely feel obliged to agree.

I'd only moot this idea to other families with children who might find it handy to buy less too and it's an even agreement.