To let people know now that it’s presents for kids only this Christmas

[Ivechangedthis]

There is so much expectation from people around Christmas. July seems suitably far ahead to say, don’t buy for anyone other than the children, unless you really know what someone wants and want to spend on it. Friendship and love not gifts. If you feel bad contribute to the costs of Christmas lunch. or give people cash if you absolutely need to gift (choose a £5 gift from a second hand shop).

tell people now so there are no surprises/expectations.

Would you really send this to close friends and family? It sounds like a work email. Why be so formal? How about: "We're thinking ahead to Christmas and we'd prefer not to exchange gifts this year. Hope you understand, see you soon!"

Voted YABU because it's effing July!

I know it’s too soon but some people have already started their shopping…

Now is absolutely the time to have these discussions. If you leave it until October it is too late.

OP. Another option is to say if a person has children only buy for them not the parents. That way childless siblings don't get left out.

There’s only one child (mine) in my whole extended family. She is the one person that doesn’t need presents! But will get loads.
Sod that for a game of soldiers, we all love presents and love buying them.
Be a pretty miserable celebration if 5 households have empty trees.

I get it for families that have more children and fewer adults perhaps but no thanks.

Yes, certainly not reasonable for people to be or feel left out.

A secret Santa is always a good idea for those who still wish to gift giving. Set a limit, only buy one etc.

Yes - capped secret Santa would work too.

In DH's family, we all do secret santa. We started two years ago and won't stop anytime soon as it saves so much money.

You know there is an entire board for discussing Christmas all year round?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas

(FWIW no, you aren't being unreasonable. Entirely sensible.)

ir you need to change Christmas protocols within your family or friend group, the sooner you have the conversation, the better . Lots of people start preparing ahead of time. You really can’t do it too early. The ideal time is a year ahead, but now will work.

One family has eight children (!!), one has three, one has none. Bugger that! The childfree couple don't need to buy 11 gifts and get nowt.

We buy family gifts now, which seems easier.

We've been doing this for years. My sister doesn't like it and keeps buying me crap and that I don't want or need, and she's the only one with kids that we buy for!

Basically once you're 18, you don't get a birthday present either. Works for us.

I did not know that.

The ideal solution for scaling back really varies by family.

my XH’s family used to do stockings for all the adults and everyone picked out a stocking stuffer for each other. They took it very seriously and got very creative, but it kept the overall budget low.

in my family right now we all have kids so we just don’t do an adult exchange at all.

my dad’s big sibling group each draws a name and buys one gift.

Please don't do the £5 from a charity shop thing. You just end up with a house full of shit.

Aside from that, buy for who want and make it clear in advance, sure - but don't tell other people who to buy for.

Adults only for all gifts (sounds like a dream) or family gifts would definitely reduce things too.

That’s so bad @LadyVictoriaSponge I hope you cottoned on to their selfish ways quickly and stopped buying for their kids?

YANBU but you can’t win. If you make this known now some people will forget and blame you for telling them too far in advance. If you leave it until say September which would be very reasonable, some will say they’ve already wrapped theirs up.

Do whatever works for you. I absolutely agree and we stopped adult gifts except among my own DH and DC years ago. Also buy for under 18s who are fortunately a diminishing number.

Yanbu, grown adults getting upset about no gift is incredibly immature. I only do kids. It's going to be a tough financial one for many, so it's good to give them very far notice.

Op I absolutely agree with you on this and every year I get presents from my sister etc, that I don't need nor particularly want. I get the sentiment that it's nice to want to buy for someone you care about, but often at Christmas time it's panic bought. Personally for me it's a nightmare having to buy back presents that I know aren't actually needed, as well as having to plan and buy presents for my own dc. I don't care if noone buys for me and my dc, my dh and myself are perfectly capable of buying for them and ourselves. I have suggested to some close family that we don't bother with presents several times and it falls on deaf ears, so then I'm obliged to buy back! I'm absolutely with you op and don't find it preachy at all.

I think it should be “kids and childless adults only”. We’ll be the ones working Xmas for the umpteenth time in a row so it’d be nice to be on the gift list for once. Haven’t had a gift in years now that everyone in the family has kids and so mysteriously wants to do “kids only”. 😂

I might have left it until the beginning of September, but agree with the sentiment.

We do secret santa, £20 limit for the adults. You can suggest something you want/need. With friends we've sometimes done well chosen books, which can be second hand or from the charity shop. But do say now if you want to change the protocol.

We used to do a secret Santa but that fizzled out a couple of years ago. Now it’s only presents for the under 18s. We don’t have any DC and don’t mind at all that we don’t get anything in return. I don’t want random stuff.