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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel so emotional about my child leaving primary school?

74 replies

SallyWD · 21/07/2022 13:53

My DD is leaving her wonderful primary school tomorrow and I'm really taken aback by how emotional I feel about this. I almost feel like I'm going through a grieving process. It's such a lovely school - honestly all the children in her class and all the parents are just great. Everyone gets on so well and in a way it feels like one big family. These children have all been together since they were 4 years old and are now going their separate ways. I feel so sad! And it's ridiculous because my daughter is going to a really good secondary school. I know she's more than ready for it and I'm sure she will thrive but still it just seems like the end of an era and kind of heart breaking. I think I feel sad for a couple of reasons - firstly it's time passing too quickly, her growing up too fast. It only seems like yesterday that I took her for her first day in reception. I can still remember what I said to her that morning and the look on her face as I walked away. Secondly I've seen these parents nearly every day for 7 years and I'll miss them! Yes there are some I will still see as we're friends but realistically there are many I won't see again. For most of us it was our first child in the class so it feels like we've all been through a journey together. Thirdly I'm just sad that she's leaving this school where she has so many close friends and has ben so happy (even though I feel positive and excited about the next school).

So I just wondered - do other people feel the same way as me? Or am I being a ridiculous, sentimental old fool?

OP posts:

WombleOfWimbledon2022 · 21/07/2022 14:00

Mine have still got ages at primary school (Y2 and Reception) and I am already feeling emotional at the prospect of them eventually having to leave for all the reasons you have given - so YADNBU! 💐

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 21/07/2022 14:02

It was DS’s last day today and we both cried at pick up time…..

Wnikat · 21/07/2022 14:04

I felt the same. Weird, isn’t it? I think it’s grieving the early childhood years that are now over.

Itswaytoohot · 21/07/2022 14:06

Of course yanbu, it's such an emotional time. But you do adjust quickly and they certainly do.

ChiselandBits · 21/07/2022 14:20

Personally I really don't get this kind of reaction at all, but I am notoriously unsentimental and hard headed. You feel how you feel but I do think you need to step back a bit and be prepared for much less engagement with the secondary school.

funinthesun19 · 21/07/2022 14:31

My DS leaves tomorrow and I’m emotional about it. He’s been there since he had only just turned 3, so a very long time.

I know this also sounds a bit silly and irrational, but his younger siblings will be there without him in September and it doesn’t feel right. I know by September we’ll be so focused on moving forward and him settling in his new school, but I know I’ll still get pangs of sadness without him part of primary school life anymore.

Ginandcrispsarebliss · 21/07/2022 14:38

Same OP. My DS leaves primary school tomorrow.
Wishing your DD a nice last day at primary tomorrow and she is happy at secondary school.

PuttingDownRoots · 21/07/2022 14:42

I feel more excitement for her really... shes ready for something bigger.

However shes been to five schools and at her current one for four terms, so not emotionally attached to it as a parent. (Although her current teacher has been amazing)

Original poster

SallyWD · 21/07/2022 21:46

Thanks for your replies everyone. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. For those with children about to leave primary school, I wish them (and you) all the best.

OP posts:

BiscoffSundae · 21/07/2022 21:48

I feel the same but my dd has asd and has a 1:1 whose worked with her for 3 years, she loves her 1:1 so it’s really weird that she won’t see her again, she has put in so much effort with dd so I do feel emotional about her leaving

GarlandaChynoweth · 24/07/2022 07:01

DS1 left primary on Thursday and I'm surprised by how sad I feel even though he's been looking forward to starting secondary for ages and is more than ready. DS2 and DD will leave in two and five years so it's not as if he's my last one! It feels very much a summer in limbo, with him between schools.

Pinklady245612 · 24/07/2022 07:31

It's sad, but look at it as a positive that you've both had such a great experience. You're very lucky.
Personally I thought I would feel sad as DD is my last baby to leave primary so it really is the end of an era, never walking through the gates or doing a school run again. But then I sort of clicked my heels at the same thought - I never have to do a school run EVER AGAIN! I really liked all the teachers at our school and the kids were nice, but there were negatives for us too - the school organisation was absolutely shocking, amongst other things. The parents were friendly enough but only about 3 I would say were friends, and not particularly close friends either. DD is ready for what is coming and actually it is going to make life a lot easier for me so I'm not overly sad. Your experience sounds different though so it's quite expected to feel emotional

Tumbleweed101 · 24/07/2022 07:34

Yes, it’s normal. I felt sentimental about them leaving primary school and nursery. It is the end of their younger childhood and secondary school is very different for them and for us as parents. I didn’t get sentimental about them leaving secondary school though, feels very different.

MumofSpud · 24/07/2022 07:35

I was sad too - and now this year DD has left secondary school!
It's also the fact that you simply don't have those connections with a secondary school that you do with primary - knowing all the staff / parents etc

livingthegoodlife · 24/07/2022 07:39

Nope. I don't get it at all. Happy to move onto more exciting things. Glad to leave all the primary school stuff behind. Not going to miss anyone as barely know the other parents. Can't wait!

MsTSwift · 24/07/2022 07:41

Primsry came to an end for our family in 2020 which killed my sentimentality as the school were totally shit re covid the teachers vanished got the odd worksheet unmarked and unexplained for weeks on end. My feelings about the school changed entirely. Relieved they were both at the well run rigorous online home school comp for the 2021 lock downs. Also had been involved in pta etc and was well over that. Took a great bunch of long lasting friends I met through the school so that was good.

WaitingOnATrain · 24/07/2022 07:58

I understand op. My dc will leave next year and I feel sad already. On Friday I watched the year 6 children leave and they were all crying. It almost made me cry too.

I also have been thinking back to their first day and how little they were. I was sad they were starting school, now I'm sad they are leaving!

I will miss the school run and seeing the familiar faces every day.

Mostly, I am sad for dc that they will part from their classmates. They have been together daily for so long. Their best friend since age 4 will be going to a different secondary school. It will be tough.

Ragwort · 24/07/2022 08:17

I tend to agree with Chisel, I was just delighted that my DS was moving on and I would no longer have to be involved in primary school, listening to reading, pretending to enjoy sports day etc etc. I couldn't believe the tears etc from some of the parents at the leaving assembly... but like Chisel I am completely unemotional about things like that. I kept in touch with some of the parents I genuinely liked ... in fact we all still meet up and our DC are all over 21 now. .

MumGoneMild · 24/07/2022 08:19

I find it weird how involved adults feel in this tbh. Its not your experience its your kids but you've moulded yourself around it. Finding it akin to grief? I think i would sit back and try and find my own things in life

i love watching my kids grow more independent and navigate things. Its a joy to see the adult you raise living life.

Original poster

SallyWD · 24/07/2022 08:19

Thanks for your responses everyone. It is really good to know others can understand my feelings and have felt the same. I'm also pleased to hear that it's not a painful experience for everyone.
We got through the last day on Friday. It was very emotional indeed, from my daughter's tears at breakfast time to the very moving leaver's assembly. I managed to hold it together throughout the assembly but afterwards a lot of the class were crying and hugging each other. At this point many of the parents (myself included) and teachers were in tears too. It's two days later and we're still feeling pretty sad about the end of this era. I still have that feeling of grief. Obviously we're trying to focus on having fun during the holidays and being excited about the new school. We've arranged quite a few things with my daughter's old school friends so she can have that feeling of staying in touch and continuity. I don't want her to feel like it's all over now.

OP posts:

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 24/07/2022 08:24

I cried watching the P7's leave for the last time a few weeks ago when our schools broke up and none of them were mine! Everyone stands outside and applauds them as they walk out at our school, it's very emotional and I will be a wreck when it its my DS in 3 years.

MsTSwift · 24/07/2022 08:31

But it is all over now. Secondary is very different. The change between year 6 and year 8 is phenomenal. Dd2 went from a cheerful tomboy lake jumper to a teenage beauty queen in 2 years. It’s all good though!

Original poster

SallyWD · 24/07/2022 08:33

MumGoneMild · 24/07/2022 08:19

i love watching my kids grow more independent and navigate things. Its a joy to see the adult you raise living life.

Absolutely it was my daughter's experience first and foremost but I can't say it wasn't my experience too. We had just moved to this city before my daughter started school and knew no one. I'd been feeling quite isolated then we suddenly had this large support network and ongoing close contact with other parents and teachers. Like I say, it's a very small and close knit school and all the parents were lovely (not one I didn't like or found difficult!). I really do feel that in our case primary school was a big experience for the parents too.
I do have my own life and its a very rich life but yes, I still have a sense of grief. I can't help how I feel. I'm very excited about the next school and watching my daughter grow and develop is a great pleasure indeed. She's ready for the next chapter.

OP posts:

marble11 · 24/07/2022 08:49

I left the leavers concert immediately after it finished. I couldn't believe how many parents were there crying. It's utterly pathetic. A few of them projected onto their kids as well and there were hysterical kids.

This was then mirrored in the leaving party Friday night fuelled by alcohol.

I have no time for it. People need to get a life and a grip. It is the start of a new chapter and a new adventure for your child. To compare it to grief is an insult.

MsTSwift · 24/07/2022 14:23

Leavers of 2020 had nothing. No assembly no play no disco. Wondering now whether that was a blessing in disguise!

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