AIBU to feel so emotional about my child leaving primary school?

[SallyWD]

My DD is leaving her wonderful primary school tomorrow and I'm really taken aback by how emotional I feel about this. I almost feel like I'm going through a grieving process. It's such a lovely school - honestly all the children in her class and all the parents are just great. Everyone gets on so well and in a way it feels like one big family. These children have all been together since they were 4 years old and are now going their separate ways. I feel so sad! And it's ridiculous because my daughter is going to a really good secondary school. I know she's more than ready for it and I'm sure she will thrive but still it just seems like the end of an era and kind of heart breaking. I think I feel sad for a couple of reasons - firstly it's time passing too quickly, her growing up too fast. It only seems like yesterday that I took her for her first day in reception. I can still remember what I said to her that morning and the look on her face as I walked away. Secondly I've seen these parents nearly every day for 7 years and I'll miss them! Yes there are some I will still see as we're friends but realistically there are many I won't see again. For most of us it was our first child in the class so it feels like we've all been through a journey together. Thirdly I'm just sad that she's leaving this school where she has so many close friends and has ben so happy (even though I feel positive and excited about the next school).

So I just wondered - do other people feel the same way as me? Or am I being a ridiculous, sentimental old fool?

I don't get all this feeling of grief at all. Always been excited to see them move on to the next stage.
Moving on to uni and leaving home is a bit different.zi have one child who moved abroad at 22 and of course I miss him terribly, but mostly feel excited and proud of his enterprising spirit!

Yes leaving secondary is very different and a damp squib for parents! As it should be.

Actually in a way it’s a good thing to feel sad shows you and your child have had a lovely positive experience. And you don’t have to lose touch with other parents they can morph seamlessly from mum friends to local friends.

I completely know what you mean about feeling sick 🙁.

Yes this is my concern too. My eldest is actually loving secondary school. It's been really positive for her. However my son is a completely different person. He's very shy and anxious and life can be a struggle for him. To be honest, I feel sick with dread about it all. Will have to take each day as it comes.
Hope it goes well for your son and that things improve for your daughter.

Personally I dont get the level of emotions. When i left primary (quite a while ago!) I cant remember anyone getting emotional, there was definitely no tears at school. It was exciting , you were 'big', you were moving on to the next level.
an ex teacher I feel the tears began to ramp up year on year. At our school we'd have some kids who were way past upset and really it spoilt their last day for them.

For our DS i was just excited for what the next chapter held. He was ready and I wanted to see what he would do.

When we went to take him to Uni it was brilliant, looking around, meeting his hall mates etc. I was then made to feel 'abnormal' by many friends because I did not cry all the way home. I did not cry at all! I was so excited for him, yes it was weird without him at home but he was living his best life.

I stayed at home for uni cos I was teenage mum with DS. He was the first in our whole family to go away for uni. I sometimes wonder if it is an age thing, or if its because I was in education, taught these kids daily and could see the positive potential etc.

Our FS left primary in the year 2020. They did do a 'meet up' at school to 'celebrate, socially distanced chairs in hall, he really didn't like school, really lovely school, so it was probably a perfect way for him to celebrate . He wouldn't have enjoyed the normal y6 celebrations.

I think it's normal - it's bittersweet isn't it? That you have all of these happy memories and it's an ending (and a new beginning of course)!

My 9yo is about to start their 3rd school (asd, struggled to cope in previous 2) and I'm sad they won't have that 7 years of memories when finishing primary but c'est la vie

Didn’t they go back in June 2020? Year 6 were one of the classes who returned to school.

Yes but in weird bubbles and the school used covid as a good reason to do absolutely fuck all when they left.

I’m so glad I found this thread! I have been feeling so sad lately and found myself looking at photos of my dd when she was really small and then burst into tears. I didn’t know where it was all coming from.

She is only leaving infant school but it does feel sad how fast time is flying by.

I am sentimental and feel things deeply though. I know it will pass 😅

I was elated when mine left, never loved the primary years, neither he nor me. But I think I’m always excited about what my son will do next so look forward with relish rather than back.

It baffles me. I have never felt grief about my child growing up. It seems a strange thing to waste time and energy on rather than enjoying and being excited for new adventures and opportunities.

Besides which I feel for the kids. What if a kid is really excited about moving up to "big school", enjoying all the end of term festivities and looking forward to summer holidays then they see Mum weeping and wailing? That's got to be confusing and putting a dampener on things.

I certainly haven’t weeped or wailed in front of my dd 😅 I didn’t even cry at the leavers assembly- just on my own. Plus you can feel excited for their future and feel a little sad for how fast time is going by - at the same time!

Well, first of all you can be excited about the new adventures of secondary school and sad about primary school coming to an end.
I certainly haven't cried in front of my children about this, only in private. I've been very upbeat and positive about what comes next.
What I find so sad is that they/we are leaving behind a whole little community of children and parents. Our school was small - one class per year and everyone knew each other. Most of them have been at the school since nursery so they've been together since they were three. They were barely out of nappies when they met. Now many of them are much taller than me and pubescent so they really have grown up together. I'll miss seeing the parents and children twice a day, nearly every day. The kids are moving on to many different schools so I suppose I feel sad at the fracturing of their little group (even though I realise they can't stay together forever, if course!). My son struggled with selective mutism so school was tough for him but his classmates were always so kind and accepted him for who he was. Obviously things might be very different at secondary school.

Maybe it's harder for the parents than are involved in the school and base friendships around it as obviously that will change once the child goes to secondary.

Yes, I'm sure you're correct. For me, personally I never got that involved as such. I didn't even make that many close friends amongst the parents (I'm shy so it doesn't come easily). But I would certainly chat to them each day and we'd know a lot about each others lives, help each other out.
We moved to this city just before my eldest started school and we literally knew no one. For me, the school community was quite important - I'd been feeling incredibly lonely and isolated but once my kids were at school I really valued the connections I formed and the daily interactions I had. I suppose that's a big part of the sadness for me. It's probably very different if you're not doing the school runs and already have lots of friends and family nearby.

Yeah quite possibly. I never did school runs except on the odd occasion and couldn't have picked out any of the kids classmates parents from a line up.

Only occasionally I got to attend any of the endless shows either ( my kids were in 2 different primary schools) as was usually working.

So maybe that's why I didn't feel upset etc

My daughter is at a similar school, one form entry (with a handful more joining in year 4) I actually find it quite stifling but I suppose it depends on your cohort. We were just unlucky, some nasty pieces of work in her year group unfortunately (referring to the parents mostly but surprise surprise the bullying is now starting)

it’s a very emotional time , and it is the end of an era

All those who are rolling their eyes, it's not about people not being happy for their child and ready for the excitement of what's to come. It's about the links to the community and the regularity of seeing the same people everyday. I'm really happy for my child and I'm excited for her but it's pretty common knowledge that the everyday interactions people have have a massive effect on mental health and I will miss that sense of community and the happiness of primary school. I will stay in touch with friends but there will be people I've spoken to daily who I won't see again and I'll miss them. It's a very specific time in our lives and I have really engaged with it fully - running clubs, socialising. I do think I'll have to work harder to feel like I'm part of my local community. It's also the passage of time. When you're in those young years, you hardly have time to look up and like with any formative experience- uni, certain jobs, it can feel sad when it has passed. I certainly feel like I'm watching a moment in time and I'm sad it's over. For me, not my child.

Yes exactly. You've summed it up perfectly. I'll be keeping in touch with a couple of the parents but there are people I've seen nearly every day for years, who I'm very fond of, that realistically I won't see again. I'll miss them and their children that I've known since they were 3 years old. I'll miss the routine of going to school twice a day, having a little chat with parents and teachers and children.
I'm sad for me and for my child - because he's struggled and he's leaving behind a very safe environment where everyone accepted him.

I've been reading all your replies and I completely agree with them.
My daughter left primary school
Yesterday and I feel very sad. I will miss seeing familiar faces that I have seen for 7 years the children whom my daughter has grown up with. To me it feels the end of an era a time I can never get back and I wish I could live it all again and bottle every memory. I feel
Sad that my daughter will change as secondary school is such a big leap into the un known and the school size is humongous compared to what we are used to.
My dd is leaving all Of her friends as we were Out of catchment for the feeder school where all her friends Are going so that's a big change also that she is dreading.
Please Tell me it gets easier xx

I feel for you. It really does get easier. I started this thread when my daughter left primary school two years ago. She's now about to start year 9 and she loves secondary school. She's really thriving and has made new friends. Once I saw her settled at secondary school I realised just how ready she was for it. I was so sad about the end of primary school but of course she'd outgrown it really and was ready for the next step.
Big school is completely different. It's massive and I'm not involved like I was but it's still good. She's made a really lovely group of new friends and I've got to know them and their parents. She's had some great experiences. A lot of her friends at secondary school didn't know anyone when they started there but they've all made friends.
I'm very sentimental and I hate endings but in a way her primary school connections haven't ended. Today my DD and about half her old class from primary school are all meeting at the park! I can't tell you how much this warms my heart. They had such a special connection, I love the fact they're still in touch and meeting up now, two years after they left that school and despite the fact they're all at different schools.

It's totally normal to feel like this. It shows you have a good relationship and care about your children..I don't know why people feel the need to be negative about it. Its important to mark these milestones and be a bit sad when a phase is over. It's healthy, it helps you move on.the next chapter is completely different but it's lovely seeing them develop into young adults. I think it's important to try to find new stuff for us too!

Wow?! The last summer of childhood?! That’s crazy!