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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to take my own children to school and pick up sometimes?

92 replies

Coolertoday · 21/07/2022 09:34

I am a teacher, currently 3 days a week. Obviously this works well for school holidays but less so in term time.

I’d like to stay three days throughout my childrens time at primary school - this means until I am 52/53. I don’t imagine many promotions will be available to me after this.

So - is it unreasonable to want to stay part time, mainly so I can take them and pick them up a couple of days a week?

OP posts:

LockAqua · 21/07/2022 19:35

TBH if I were your DH I wouldn’t be happy at you working such limited hours for something as frivolous as school drop offs.

I’d probably send you to work full time in all honesty to ensure you were contributing to the household.

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 21/07/2022 19:42

I work four full days but this enables me to mostly pick up my kids from their school bus, both are secondary now.
When they were in primary I negotiated early finishes so I'd drop the last lesson and obviously not get paid for that lesson but that worked well at the time.
I find four full days is the absolute most I can manage without my life being rubbish. I feel it's a good balance between pension accrument, pay and having time at home.
Even if I worked the extra day I would only take home £200 a month after pension, NI and tax. That's £50 a day or less than £10 an hour especially after planning and marking. There's no way I'm working an extra day for £50 minus travelling costs.

I'm M6 and like you my husband earns a lot more than me so four days is a really good balance now my kids are at secondary. I'd stick at three days if I were you.

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 21/07/2022 19:49

Also in response to LockAqua, you have no idea how her husband feels. If he is earning a high income that probably comes with long hours and he may appreciate someone being there to enable his career.

My partner appreciates me working four days which means he doesn't have to worry about a lot of the household stuff that I can do. He's not bothered about me earning/working less because I pick up all the slack. Also the £50 take home pay that I'd make for an extra day he can make in a hour, it doesn't make sense for me to flog myself to death when as a family we don't need me to.

Even working three days a week the OP will still be working around 30 hours a week if she is teaching.

WTF475878237NC · 21/07/2022 19:51

I'm sorry you lost your parents young and I can see why that's influenced your thinking here to prioritise the here and now.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 21/07/2022 19:59

I work part-time and I don't even have DC.

IMO life is too short to spend the vast majority of your waking hours at work. I work approximately 25-30 hours per week (self-employed, so it varies) and I wouldn't swap it for the world.

I'm dropping to four days/20 hours per week over the summer holidays too

Applegreenb · 21/07/2022 19:59

Coolertoday · 21/07/2022 09:42

No … I suppose it just feels a bit indulgent to have two full days all to myself

why do we do this to ourselves as mums, I’m pretty sure you will still be cleaning, running errands lots of other things. I hope you have something planned in just for you whether it’s time at the gym or a trip to get your nails done. Not bad at all and needed in my book. It’s important to have this time if you can afford it

lazaro · 21/07/2022 20:00

"TBH if I were your DH I wouldn’t be happy at you working such limited hours for something as frivolous as school drop offs.

I'd probably send you to work full time in all honesty to ensure you were contributing to the household."

Do husbands "send" their wives to work in your world, LockAqua?

RadFad · 21/07/2022 20:11

I currently do 3 days a week with DD1 in primary and DD2 in nursery on my work days. I plan to stay on 3 days once DD2 is at school. I would like to do school run a couple of days a week, cleaning and shopping when children aren't around and shops aren't rammed. Also because I would like a couple hours to myself to read or crochet.

If money was an issue I can up my hours or work bank shifts. I'm a senior nurse with an established career pre children and no desire to progress to management so that doesn't worry me.

If you can afford it and it fits your family then do it and don't feel you need reasons to justify it.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 21/07/2022 20:34

TBH if I were your DH I wouldn’t be happy at you working such limited hours for something as frivolous as school drop offs.
I'd probably send you to work full time in all honesty to ensure you were contributing to the household.

Even leaving aside the obvious, OP's DH coming home to a tidy/er home, cooked meal, less life admin and calmer children is probably worth it.

The scales fell from my husband's eyes when he saw what other parents have to do to sort holiday and illness cover for their kids.

user1487194234 · 21/07/2022 20:38

I was 3 days until my 3rd DC went to school
Would have felt self indulgent (to me ) and unfair on my DH to stay part time after that

Nat6999 · 21/07/2022 21:35

I didn't realise the value of doing pick ups & drop offs at school until I left exh & had to give up work due to ill health, I missed out on so much, even things like when dc are bursting to tell you about their day. If you can afford it, go for it.

WimbyAce · 21/07/2022 22:15

I will be part time for the foreseeable even when child 2 starts school (a while yet). I got pregnant just as child 1 started school but didn't have any plans in any case to increase my hours. Would still have to think about childcare in holidays (although not in your case) so unless things got desperate money wise I will keep my part time hours. Neither of us are high earners but luckily no childcare costs at present.

maybein2022 · 21/07/2022 22:31

I think YANBU at all, as long as your husband is on board (and I don’t mean ‘lets you’ that a very weird concept) I mean you’ve had an adult discussion about it and the rationale, and he is in agreement, and you can afford it. And that perhaps you understand that if something changes in your financial set up or you need more money and your husband is already FT that you may have to go to 0.8.

I dropped to 0.6 recently and absolutely love it. Now on maternity leave but if and when I go back I won’t be doing more than 3 days for a long time unless I have to!

cantcomplainabouttheweather · 21/07/2022 22:41

I really don’t care about my pension tbh.

Says the woman who has stated her husband is a much higher earner than her

I'm the main earner and no way would I support my DH going PT just to do the school run - why should I work my ass off all our working lives to then be the "main" provider in retirement as well just Because he wanted a chat with the teacher at the school gates - the school runs I have done the teacher doesn't have a second to chat to parents - you should know that - being a teacher yourself

WimbyAce · 21/07/2022 22:42

I think providing you are contributing to the household and making a difference it is fine. I have no qualms about it as I know it makes all our lives easier in general and it's me that has less spare cash as I still contribute a big portion of the bills and I did throughout both maternity leaves.
Other half has a lovely time as he goes off to work without worrying about sorting kids out and never has to worry about holiday cover etc. So I feel when I get those hours to myself they will be well deserved.

cantcomplainabouttheweather · 21/07/2022 22:42

@TheWayTheLightFalls

Not in MN world - he'd be expected to home home from work and then also do 50% of all those things you mentioned like cooking meals and tidy the house 😂

Stripsorspots · 21/07/2022 23:25

It's brilliant that you can afford it and have the flexibility to it. You'll have time for yourself, time for life admin, your kids will see more of you, you'll get to know other parents. I worked mornings only when my daughter was little and it was great having the time with her. It was a big pay cut and will knock a dent out of pension, but absolutely the best decision for us.

You will be happier and your kids will be happier, your family will benefit and as a family you can afford it so I say go for it!

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