To want to take my own children to school and pick up sometimes?

[Coolertoday]

I am a teacher, currently 3 days a week. Obviously this works well for school holidays but less so in term time.

I’d like to stay three days throughout my childrens time at primary school - this means until I am 52/53. I don’t imagine many promotions will be available to me after this.

So - is it unreasonable to want to stay part time, mainly so I can take them and pick them up a couple of days a week?

Surely as a teacher you realise that your child’s teacher does not have time to be chatting to you after school , building up a relationship etc . ?
I’m a teacher too, albeit in Dublin where it’s an actual 8:40 to 2:20 role for most of the year and for better money .
I took some time when kids were smaller but at your age I would focus on pension . Unless your husband is so wealthy that even if you split you’ll be comfortable .

So - is it unreasonable to want to stay part time, mainly so I can take them and pick them up a couple of days a week?

I suppose it just feels a bit indulgent to have two full days all to myself

Surely this is a discussion between you and DH? Is he happy to take the financial weight, now and when you both retire? It doesn't really matter what MNers think.

So is the school run a way of making this seem reasonable, rather than 'I just don't want to'?

I'm not intending to be goady, asking for clarification.

I would, if finances allow. I work PT to allow me to do pick-ups and spend afternoons with DD (and a lot more time with her younger sibs). It's being able to support her learning, listen to her, have calm dinners together, do different things in the afternoon sometimes. Nothing that exciting, but it aligns with how I like/want to parent and we've organised my work and DH's to allow that.

This.

It's about the time with the DC in the morning/ afternoon not the actual school run. I don't for a second think the OP means the very short time it would take to walk/ drive/ wave/ pick up. FGS.

She highlighting seeing and talking to the teacher tbf... which we many of us have pointed out, probably wouldn't happen

It’s really strange that people assume I want to pin DCs teacher to the wall rather than just walk with my own children and not have to have wraparound care. That’s why I assumed there was an element of goadiness in an earlier post.

I think working full time with children just is quite intense and stressful - part time not so much - as everything gets crammed into weekends.

I’m not sure it’s easy if you practically never get to speak to the teacher, though. That’s not as important as they get older but I do think it matters at primary

That is literally all I said re the teacher and one or two posters have in fairness extrapolated a lot from that.

When you say "to not live now" I guess that's the crux of it. It's all about your perception and own attitude to risk.

If you personally find it too stressful or simply would rather not work full time, then just be sure you understand you're potentially choosing less stress now and more stress as someone in their 60-80s. You're being very short sighted to not even consider your pension. DH may not be there to bail you out. You could have decades of stress by not even thinking about it now.

I think the Mumsnet obsession with pension provision is a bit odd to be honest, and pretty well missing the point. If you go into teaching its pretty well understood you aren't going to live an executive lifestyle or cruise the Med in retirement.

I would go part time if it suits you, I am working 4 short days just needing breakfast club and currently studying, but when that is done will try and get all household jobs done on the 5th day. It means I am able to occasionally go on school trips or attend school events which I couldn't do at all if working in a school full time. Lack of flexibility was one of the reasons I didn't go back to teaching.

I think the Mumsnet obsession with pension provision is a bit odd to be honest,

Not really, considering a huge proportion of the female population have inadequate financial provision (and often don't realise it until they're in their 50s) It's an issue which disproportionally impacts on women, and ironically they're more likely to outlive a male partner into the bargain.

Of course work/life balance is important and there's lots of perspectives to consider. But I certainly don't find it 'odd' to consider your quality of life in the future as well as in the moment. I speak as someone who worked 3 days a week when my children were under 5, because at that time, I wanted to balance nursery and time at home. (More about me than them- I'm sure they'd have been fine if I'd worked FT.) Even that short period of PT worked knocked thousands off my pension. I made sure I returned to FT and then went for promotions when my youngest dd turned 4 and started reception. For me, the prospect of continuing a diminished pension didn't justify continuing working PT when the two weekdays I'd be home, my kids would have been at school anyway!

Of course the OP must do what she and her DH believe is best. No one is arguing that. But she posted to ask for people's views and I don't find it in the least odd that some of us (perhaps those of us nearer 60!) will highlight the importance of a pension.

I have been teaching full time since I was 22 - I have to agree with a pp that the obsession with pensions is a bit misguided.

Hi OP, your plan sounds eminently reasonable to me! Of course, you are not planning to give the teacher the third degree every day (so weird that people have twisted your intentions to this). Of course, you DC will be happier to have you pick them up some days and not be in wraparound care. When did it become necessary for mums to need to justify picking up their own kids from school?!

Mine are all past that stage now, but, looking back, the school pick up time was one of the most invaluable times of day,. It's when they tended to open up about anything troubling them. or just share anecdotes from the day. Not only that, but you see the friends, get to know the other mums etc. When they are telling you about their friends, you know who they're actually talking about! You pick up on the friendship vibes by watching how they come out. It's helps you to preempt a lot of issues because you can Fortean see what's happening before the child Sees it or verbalised it. Plus, less tired kids because they're not in wraparound all the time.

Anyway, you sound like you know all this anyway...

I was head of a small department and ups 3 when I dropped down to teaching 3 days 12 years ago. I have no intention to go back full time even though my child is now at the secondary school that I teach at. I now have an elderly parent that needs help since the pandemic and can cope with teaching because I am part time. I'm aware that my pension will suffer, but I've had difficult choices to make about the present day. Do what is best for you now.

YANBU as long as it works for your family and I suppose you could go f/t if you ever got divorced or whatever (not wishing that, of course!) However, you’ll probably find every school thing falls on one of your working days - it seemed to happen to me when I did 2.5 days a week!

I was really only trying to help OP. A PP put it better than me though, balancing quality of life the next 10 years with quality of life for 20 years, in your later life.

I'm not obsessed with pensions I have just seen so many women get to 55+ and see things differently and wanted to offer you that perspective and advice, with the very best of intentions.

@WTF475878237NC - I’m sorry if I sounded sharp, that wasn’t my intention. But some posts do seem to suggest I’ve done nothing in the nineteen or so working years I had prior to having my own children.

I am aware I won’t get as much as I would if I stayed full time, but if I spent my fortune and fifties spread too thin, cramming everything into weekends and holidays, never having child free time, having to have cleaners and so on - that comes at a cost.

I think if I did that I would end up shattered and ready to retire by my late fifties which would also impact my pension. Staying part time probably means I can stay employed for longer.

Both my parents died before they got the benefits of their pension. I don’t think anyone should ignore retirement altogether but I also think basing every decision you make on making provisions for the end of your life is really miserable.

I am a teacher and worked three days a week until youngest DC was in Year 3. She now goes to breakfast and after-school club every day. I wouldn't have liked it when she was younger but she seems ok with it. I make a point to pick her up at 4.30 twice a week even if I have to take more work home with me (I teach nearby) and DH picks her up once at 4.30 so she only does two longer days. I feel like I am constantly dashing around (and the housework leaves something to be desired!). I often think back fondly of my three days but my current role works better full-time and I have got used to the money now. The hardest times are when one of the DC is sick and missing school events but they are used to it by now and enjoy spending the holidays as a family (DH is also a teacher).

It can be difficult at primary never having contact with the class teacher. I have to resort to emailing via the school office when it would sometimes just be easier to have a quick chat at the classroom door.

@basilmint regards the housework, I always felt that was a very simple equation if you're earning more per hour than each hour of a cleaner would cost!

I went from working FT to working 30 hours over 3 days. Best decision I ever made. It is the perfect balance for me and I have no intention of increasing this as my DC get older. It means that all the jobs I used to have to cram in at the weekend now get done in the week. This means weekends are proper family time. I feel much more able to tolerate stressful situations at work because I'm only there 3 days. I also have some long term health issues that are make working FT tricky. I'm not really interested in promotion, I love my job as it is and there are ways to develop within my role without increasing my hours.
OP, if you can afford it, your DP is on board and it will make you happier then go for it.

Yes, would be nice but sadly seems to be a shortage of cleaners in my area. Oh well, it's the summer holidays now so will finally have time to do it properly!

I stayed part time when my son started school, I was doing four short days, I’m now doing three slightly longer days, my husband will also be working three days when he returns to work in January. I will only ever go back fulltime if we couldn’t manage with us both part time.

I work Monday to Wednesday, he will be Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Rather than rush chores etc on our days off we use them for ourselves, so I go to the gym, go to a baby class etc, he cycles etc. As we’re lazy and we can afford it we do have a cleaner, after all we work part time for our benefit, I don’t fancy a day off if I’m cleaning and washing all the clothes.

As it seems you can afford it I would go for it. I'm sure as a teacher that you will have plenty of work to do on your days off which would free up more of your evening and weekend time. I am a lone parent and work as a university lecturer 3 days a week but spread over 4. I can't really afford that long term but I am making the most of if now. Walking home from school with my son is normally one of the high spots of the day.

I did this as a teacher with 4 kids and a much higher paid husband who worked very long hours. It made it possible to get stuff done that would have otherwise had to be sorted at weekends and in the evenings. I was also able to do things myself in those two days that I would otherwise have had to pay someone else to do out of taxed income. It worked for us, I honestly don’t know how I would have coped with everything if I was a full time teacher on top of everything else.

If you can afford it, your dh supports it, your employer supports it and you have thought through and are happy with any short and long term potential consequences (pensions, career, future big expenses parents usually plan/save for such as bigger house, kids going to uni); then this isn't even a question 🤷‍♀️ go ahead and indulge yourself