Does it sound like my DS has ASD?

[Yellowfloral]

He was a really early with his speech, his speech and vocabulary is really advanced now (at 4) for his age.

His current obsession is with numbers, he’s very competent with numbers, adding and subtracting. He spends a lot of time counting. He wants to count everything.

He doesn’t appear to have problems socially as far as I’m aware, he’s always had plenty of friends and likes to play with other children. Even children he doesn’t know at the park for example. He’s certainly not what I would call shy.

His pre-school teacher has flagged up that he struggles to make eye contact with the adults. But I’ve never noticed that, unless he’s different in the classroom than at home/in other social situations.
They’ve also said he needs support in simple tasks in the classroom (tidying up etc)

Anyway, I don’t know what to think.
His academic ability is advanced for his age, there’s no particular issue socially or with his speech (in fact he doesn’t stop talking)

But the pre school seem to think there’s something going on.

He is quite sensory seeking, he likes to put things into his mouth and rub things on his face. He’s not keen on hand driers but he’s getting more accepting of them now.

He’s beginning to be less fussy with food and trying more things.

He’s not keen on riding his bike or scooter but he loves running, walking, climbing and soft play.

As well as the currently epic waiting lists for diagnosis in the public sector, be aware that private diagnosis involves a wait as well. The system is simply overwhelmed after everything shutting down in 2020.

We did a private referral in June 2020 and were seen in October 2020 (a cancellation). That service has now closed its waiting list it's so busy.

No-one decent and professional; but no-one, is going to diagnose a DC with something they don't meet criteria for.

We got a diagnosis at age 7 after wondering for several years if something was different and then the lockdown confirming it. We still haven't been able to get an appointment with an NHS paediatrician. Hoping we may manage it before secondary school!

One thing I always wonder - and please forgive me, I'm not meaning to be rude to anyone - but I read a lot on here about teenagers struggling with school, being beaten up, bullied terribly, ending up with severe mental health issues... why do parent's continue to send their children to school in those conditions?

I didn't. I took mine out to home educate.

I took mine out too. School wasn't working for her, so we stopped it.

Also I must add a lot of the reason parents still send children is because it's what they think the child should be doing. It's very common for parents to lose sight of what their child needs because they are focused on what stage they 'should be' at: it's very hard to let go of something so engrained as school.

One thing I always wonder - and please forgive me, I'm not meaning to be rude to anyone - but I read a lot on here about teenagers struggling with school, being beaten up, bullied terribly, ending up with severe mental health issues... why do parent's continue to send their children to school in those conditions?

I removed mine & homeschooled & used the breaches of duty of her care that we all suffered, as a tool to push for a better school place elsewhere. Which thankfully was a great school & made a difference

That's not a criticism before anyone gets offended.

Mine was diagnosed just before secondary school, very high functioning, any traits at 4 I easily put down to age, nursery didn't notice anything. It becomes much more obvious approaching secondary school - the social differences become a lot more obvious.

I'd agree with that to a degree @alnawire, but I'd put it down to lack of confidence when faced with the authority that is the school. I saw DDs first & awful school break several parents by blaming thier failings, on poor parenting & these poor parents didn't have the education or confidence to fight back & properly support their DCs against that school. They started pulling exactly the same dirty tricks on us I'd seen happen with others, all to cover the schools backside

The difficulties of children can get missed at preschool so if they’ve flagged up an issue, it’s not very likely that they’re wrong.

I’d engage with them instead of dismissing them.

I should have added, I saw one boy taken from his DM & placed with the DF, they labelled her an alcoholic... that school bloody made her into an alcoholic fur blaming her fir her DS behaviour... he was moved schools by the DF & soon diagnosed with ASD after that. She'd been asking the school for years if they saw anything wrong & they blamed her. I still see her now & her now adult DS is working & doing brilliantly as he finally got the support he needed to cope in school. He moved back to his DM a few months after changing schools.

Omg, that's just shocking!
That poor woman

People can give their opnions on here ,but no two children with autism are the same, if you think there are signs of autism ask for a referral for your child to be assessed.

My ds (13) was picked up as possibly needing an assessment by his early years teacher who told us he didn't join in on class activities and seemed to have his own agenda. He was very bright with maths and IT skills, but his language wasn't always easy to understand. He was (and still is) hypermobile. He was referred to SALT and to CAMHS to be assessed. The paediatrician told us there were some red flags, but he may well still be NT and give it some more time. She actually said she wouldn't be surprised to see us again as he got towards the end of primary school. He was finally diagnosed as being autistic last year after 2 years on the camhs waiting list. It took the psychiatrist 15 minutes in a room with myself and ds to make the diagnosis. He is bright, articulate and keen to please, but he has struggled a lot with socialising at school and has often been teased and felt rejected. Luckily there is a like minded group who accept him and although things aren't always easy, the teachers are great with him and his official diagnosis has ensured that his needs are taken seriously. More importantly it has helped him to understand why he thinks the way he does which has been a positive.

My DS didn’t have a single sign of autism for the first 4 years of his life. By age 5 there was definitely something but we weren’t sure if it was lockdown anxiety or something else. By age 6 it was quite obvious.

I know it’s a shock when you hear this about your child, especially when you really weren’t expecting it, but as everyone else has said - the right help and support is so valuable.

We had a bright boy who seemed to be very advanced with talking and vocabulary but a lot was echolia. He would copy TV shows he heard and repeat back a lot. He couldn't answer questions or hold a back and forth conversation. He was two and far more chatty than many of his peers. He liked to count and line things up and had a great memory for anything he heard.

I work in a nursery and can identify children with ASD pretty much immediately or at least within a few weeks of starting. There are some distinctive patterns even with high functioning children when they are 2-5yo. Getting proper assessments is beneficial as they will then get the right support in their education as they go through school.

I could have written this post! Sounds just like my (nearly) 7 year old son. Just starting to look into assessment for him now, through the school.

That post sounds like me too. I was the only one in my reception class that could tie my own tie and my own shoelaces. I was way ahead in reading so the teacher got me doing flash cards to teach the other kids to read.

My difficulties only really became clearly apparent after university when suddenly I was out on my own in the world with no obvious structure of framework and I can't cope.

My brother and I (in our 50s) are both on the list for ASD diagnosis. His son has already been diagnosed. We both have degrees and have done ok in life, however I think life would have been easier with a diagnosis many years ago. We both think our mum and her dad are autistic.

You could be describing my ds, he was exactly like this. He spoke very early and used sentences at 1, he could read at 3. Very bright. Confident and lots of friends, he was a very popular boy. Always showed a preference to conversing with adults but never struggled with other children. He had his own little ways and many idiosyncrasies.

At age 6 everything took a turn for the worse, he started with OCD, anxiety and the bullying began. His ‘quirks’ became less cute as he got older, he became annoying to his teachers, one actively disliked him and did not hide it! He had a very very difficult time in primary, he had two ok years with teachers who liked and understood him but the bullying lasted until he left.

He was referred by his paediatrician to the ASD pathway (who he originally began seeing for potential Chrons disease). She mentioned asd within two minutes of meeting him.
We always knew he was ‘different’ but he was our first and all we knew so didn’t really think anything of it. By this time we’d had our dd who was the complete opposite to ds and it was obvious she had asd before she’d turned 1. So as we went through dd’s diagnosis it became more and more obvious ds was autistic too.

Lockdown led to ds struggling the worst he ever has. We had to call ambulances and camhs crisis teams regularly for him. It was a terrible time for us all. He ended up on long term medication just to function.

Today he finished year 7 and despite initial ups and downs he has flourished, I split him from every single child from primary school and gave him a completely fresh start. He has a lovely bunch of friends and I can genuinely say he is happy. He is still medicated, quite heavily for his age but we have no choice. It was either that or lose him. He is a wonderful boy and he is slowly returning to the happy little chap he once was. The school has supported him brilliantly, he has a close relationship with a staff member who runs the student hub who helps him with his ocd which is mainly based towards toilet issues and germ avoidance as well as rituals and ticks. She is wonderful with him.
He is a very vulnerable boy, he still needs to be taken to and from school, will openly talk to strangers and the time I did let him try make the journey home from school independently, he went missing for an hour and a half!

I am in no way saying this is your son’s future BUT if someone has mentioned asd to you, I would hear them out and see what they suggest. I know we could have avoided so much distress for ds and our family had his needs been highlighted earlier.

I don't know.

It might help to look up the 'double empathy' idea. Frames autism in a much less negative way than the 'triad of impairments' stuff, which makes it easier to engage with.

It’s interesting how many of us there are with 6/7 year old boys that didn’t present as toddlers/preschoolers. I always believed (for some reason!) that neurodiversity was obvious from the get go. It really isn’t!

@NorthCountryBlues

It is really interesting, isn't it? I think the net for diagnosing autism has widened, so many children who would have previous just struggled through school (or labelled the nerds / geeks) are now being diagnosed. My DS wouldn't be diagnosed under the previous DSM criteria, it's only since they added sensory issues (he's a sensory seeker) that he fits it. I don't see my DS as disabled, just that he has a different way of looking at the world. I foresee him in a very analytical career, like engineering or IT. Or self-employed because he wants to be the boss all the time, like me! He'll be just fine... I also suspect I may be neurodivergent too.

Thank you to those who have answered regarding school. Even though my DS is only 7, I am already thinking forward to the future. Luckily, I have built my business and can be totally flexible, so home schooling is an option for us. My biggest fear is the teenage years and the system failing him; I believe if he can get through that, he'll succeed into adulthood 😊

I don't understand what the problem is with getting him assessed. Why would you NOT?

It's pretty difficult to spot neuro differences with a sample size of one!

I teach and have got pretty good at spotting undiagnosed specific learning difficulties (what used to be called dyslexia). That's because I teach dozens of students the same content every year. You get a sense of what's "normal".

It's pretty difficult to spot neuro differences with a sample size of one!

Oh sure, but my DS attended playgroup and then nursery from age 2 and no concerns were ever raised. The nursery teacher who eventually did raise concerns, by which time he was 5, has a lot of experience with SEN and said she never would’ve guessed it when he was 3. That’s what I mean by he didn’t present at all. Not just to inexperienced parents!