Does it sound like my DS has ASD?

[Yellowfloral]

He was a really early with his speech, his speech and vocabulary is really advanced now (at 4) for his age.

His current obsession is with numbers, he’s very competent with numbers, adding and subtracting. He spends a lot of time counting. He wants to count everything.

He doesn’t appear to have problems socially as far as I’m aware, he’s always had plenty of friends and likes to play with other children. Even children he doesn’t know at the park for example. He’s certainly not what I would call shy.

His pre-school teacher has flagged up that he struggles to make eye contact with the adults. But I’ve never noticed that, unless he’s different in the classroom than at home/in other social situations.
They’ve also said he needs support in simple tasks in the classroom (tidying up etc)

Anyway, I don’t know what to think.
His academic ability is advanced for his age, there’s no particular issue socially or with his speech (in fact he doesn’t stop talking)

But the pre school seem to think there’s something going on.

He is quite sensory seeking, he likes to put things into his mouth and rub things on his face. He’s not keen on hand driers but he’s getting more accepting of them now.

He’s beginning to be less fussy with food and trying more things.

He’s not keen on riding his bike or scooter but he loves running, walking, climbing and soft play.

@ofwarren

@Summersummersun is right, hindsight is a wonderful thing. we all did our best with the information we had at the time, the energy we had at the time and life circumstances at the time.

In terms of what a diagnosis would achieve OP, you mentioned in your OP that he needs support with simple tasks at pre school. This will most likely increase as he grows, school classrooms are busy environments with 30 children and lots going on, teachers don't have the capacity to help individuals with simple tasks. The expectation is that children get on with things themselves, without fuss. Children who don't, or can't, are often labelled as naughty, unless the teacher knows there are SEN reasons why they can't/don't. And even then, the teachers don't have much capacity to focus on one child.

Friendships also change, and 4 year olds are a lot more accommodating than 6 year olds, and again than 8 year olds, etc. A diagnosis would mean (hopefully, in a decent school) access to social resources/help for your DS.

I echo this completely. Your DS is secondary age, even a few years ago there was so much less awareness than there is now. We do only what we can do.

He couldn't deal with the constant swapping of classrooms, following a timetable, the noise and the general busyness of a secondary school. His safe place of routine at Primary was gone.

Socially, he was not like the other children. He found it hard to relate to them and them to him. He was bullied and called weird which would make him stim more and cover his ears which made the kids laugh so they would do it more.

He had an absolutely dreadful time. They tried accommodations such as giving him a pass to leave class but he was a nervous wreck.

I wouldn't worry about it now as he is happy and progressing. If you start to see more worrying and obvious signs or he becomes unhappy or has behavioural issues, maybe seek advice. A diagnosis only means something if it helps the child and parent and this doesn't seem necessary now.

It can take over 2 years to get diagnosed.
It is not sensible to wait if they are willing to put him on the list now.

A diagnosis only means something if it helps the child and parent and this doesn't seem necessary now.

A great example of a really weird but very common attitude.

It is not sensible to wait if they are willing to put him on the list now.

Is there enough there to merit being put on a list now? I'm not an expert, so may well be missing stuff, but I can't see any strong indicators based on what the OP has said.

This is really helpful when looking at neurodivergency. Many of the conditions cross over and we all generally have more than one. doitprofiler.com/personal-profilers/childrens-profilers/

Mine was similar at that age - academically flying, no speech delay - in fact he was hyperverbal and hyperlexic, reading freely at 4, very gregarious (though there were differences in the way he related to other children, which grew more pronounced and problematic as they all developed). He was diagnosed at 6.

It wasn't until much later that the real value of that diagnosis kicked in. He wouldn't have made it through secondary school at all if we hadn't had it, it was our greatest asset when battling the school to get him the most basic of accommodations. As it was, he still ended up self-harming, depressed, suicidal at one point. He was constantly, very violently bullied for about 3 years. The diagnosis enabled us to access support for him - inadequate support, but better than nothing - and gave us traction when we pushed back against the school's repeated safeguarding and provision failures. Both he and I are incredibly thankful that he had it. He's nearly 20 now, studying at Oxford and doing much better in himself, though he is still having counselling and still has mental scars from what he went through at school.

I can't say whether your child is autistic - but if you feel in your gut that he is - and being academically able and sociable are NOT certain indications that he isn't - then I would advise you to start the process, get him assessed, and get the diagnosis as quickly as possible. You may not need it now, but that can change.

The pre school have flagged it, so yes.

Ah, DD was all of these things too. She is now 12 and can't leave the house.

I was all of those things, most of it was fake, masking, which was massively mentally damaging.

Please don't deny your child the opportunity of an assessment, and it is just that, an assessment, if there is any chance they might meet the criteria for diagnosis. Knowing who you are is vital.

My 9YO DS is autistic.

He could talk before he could walk. Largely self taught himself to read. I remember when he was 2YO HV came in to do a check on his baby brother and she commented on his ability to memorise a book about dinosaurs. Even now his reading age is well into the teens. Maths and everything else he is OK with.

When he was younger he appeared to be fine socially. He was always prone to being a bit 'emotional' shall we say. But put it down to his age etc.

Things really changed when he went to school. In Y2 his teacher (same one he had in reception) commented that he had the same behaviour his peers had outgrown (outbursts, tantrums, resistance to change and very anxious). This has become more apparent and pronounced as time as passed.

To the outside world he is bright and able. But we see the other side (anxious, unable to regulate emotion, aggression etc). He can't use cutlery. Hand writing is terrible. Can't tie his own shoe laces. Won't go to the toilet on his own when we go out somewhere. Has a meltdown if we leave him in the car when we put the trolley back in the supermarket.

Something to consider is that generally ASD does run in families. Something that came to light when DS was diagnosed is that most of my family (and probably DHs too!) have very autistic traits. We are all adults who have been successful in education and our careers. My parents reassured me that DS was 'normal' and 'just like me as a child'.

Possibly. At this age onwards DD was seen as "gifted" . The social difficulties didn't become an issue until a few years later when she found her iron clad moral compass & stood up against bitchy or unkind behaviour to anyone, teachers included.

The mistake was made that because she was very bright & very advanced milestone wise, she couldn't have ASD. She definitely does

For us a diagnosis changed everything and nothing at the same time.

Day to day, nothing has changed. He is still in mainstream education. Doesn't have a TA or anything like that.

But it helps that it is on everyone's radar. It is formally documented with school now and they know that he may have an issue with XYZ. So they can help prepare him for that and make certain allowances.

It also helps him understand himself better. He is now reading up on autism and he has said this helps him understand his own behaviour. It also helps reassure us as parents that we're not failing because he can't do basic things no matter how God damn hard we have tried (and we have tried to get him to use cutlery, god we have tried!).

Last of all, it helps other people understand him. People have and will negatively judge his behaviour until told he is autistic. Suddenly he is no longer difficult or spoilt (yes he has been called these things) in their eyes.

Meant as plainly as I've taken your question to be, the child DS was when he was 4 is not the child he is now at 9. I wouldn't have said there was an issue with DS at 4YO. It wasn't until he was 6YO I considered it. Now at 9YO it is very much more pronounced.

A diagnosis only means something if it helps the child and parent and this doesn't seem necessary now.

Silly attitude. It takes years to get through the system & by the time you do he will be needing help. My DD was finally assessed for help after a fight in year 9 & found to have significant processing problems. They had refused to believe it up to that point as she did so well academically. They actually apologised when they realised how much she did struggle... she was always upset & frustrated with herself as she knew she was capable of better, but thought herself "stupid & useless" because she couldn't get things down on paper in good time or misunderstood & answered wrong questions due to rushing. This destroyed her confidence for years & put her off key subjects she had excelled in

@RockinHorseShit Your DD was upset and felt frustrated, but OPs child isn't and appears happy and well adjusted. So did you or school either not recognise or not acknowledge earlier problems, or were they just not there at an earlier age? OP can only go on what she sees, and nothing she has said is a real red flag. If nursery thinks there is an issue, they need to talk in depth to the parent about their concerns and only then, look at assessing.

The sensory seeking in the nursery environment would be my concern, but that could be down to stress.

The only merit that I can see is it apparently takes years to get a diagnosis. Thats wrong, and if I had serious concerns I would look at a private assessment if and when the time comes

My eldest was very similar at that age and was later diagnosed as autistic, what would have been Aspergers. They are extremely bright but didn't always achieve as highly in school as they could have due to struggling with executive functioning and managing workload. IME at age 4 there were just hints of issues. Things got harder as they grew older and the differences between their social skills and those of their peers grew wider. I'd say if his pre-school has flagged it then it is almost certainly worth pursuing. Just knowing and understanding can make such a difference.

@bluegardenflowers if you read my post again, you'll see that it's generally later that the issues start to show, but it takes so bloody long to get through the system, it makes sense to start the process asap, so you are getting somewhere when he is struggling.

Aside from socially, for example... I found mine struggled more when maths became more complex & needed workings out to be shown to get full marks. She really struggled to get her head around this as she instantly knew the answer without having to use any workings out, but was loosing marks by her refusal to go back & include workings out.n there's lots they can struggle with, rarely with HFA is it an obvious issue for them at this age

The problem is, "when the time comes" is likely to be some sort of crisis point, when previous coping strategies come crashing down.

A diagnosis now can avoid someone reaching that crisis point.

It was my suicide attempts that eventually led to my autism diagnosis, and unfortunately that's not an uncommon story.

It was my suicide attempts that eventually led to my autism diagnosis, and unfortunately that's not an uncommon story.

Ditto in a similar way with our DD, despite by then having other diagnosis linked to ASD. They insisted that as she was so bright etc that she couldn't be ND, which is ridiculous. DD also then pulled the plug on diagnosis when we were finally getting somewhere as she changed her mind having witnessed others bullied for the diagnosis. Our GP, her psyc, professional friends all see it in her now & she scored more highly than even we suspected when assessed with AQ. Nothing we can do though as we do recognise it's now her call, it's such a worry for her heading off to Uni though

OP, the fact is that the pre-school see a lot of children through their doors over the years, and your son has been flagged as being outside of what they would consider typical. Being neuro diverse is not a criticism! (My youngest also is) Surely it's worth pursuing? My youngest for what it's with is 6, hit every milestone early and can be described as 'confident' but struggles with rigid thinking and hates crowds (will move my hand and rub his face against it). I imagine it will help him as he gets older to understand that he is different and why.

Please reflect on why you think of the pre-school's suggestions as insulting as your son is "so clever". My youngest is above and significantly above ARE in almost all subjects, but he does struggle with some simple things or changes that neuro typical children can take more in stride.

He didn’t crawl, but he pulled himself up into walking very quickly.

This⬆️ can be a sign of Hypermobility, which is linked to ASD, my DD did this at 9 months

Also just because your DH & DFIL were successful in relationships & work etc doesn't mean they do not have ASD, they've just found a way to mask effectively & outwardly cope. Many very successful people are ND

Sounds exactly like my two children at his age. Both very advanced with language and numbers (son knew alphabet at 18 months and daughter could count to 100 at a similar age). No concerns raised by nursery, or primary school. Actually primary SENCO said my year 6 son most definitely was NOT autistic.

As previously poster said - secondary school is when it all fell apart. Both had mental breakdowns. Both now diagnosed ASD. Both now in special schools and still struggling with mental health.

I have no doubt that had there been early intervention both children would be in mainstream school and doing well.

PLEASE don't dismiss what the nursery staff are saying. I wish someone spotted it in my children.

@Yellowfloral

My DS, who is 7, has just been diagnosed with ASD, he also has suspected ADHD. He met all, and I mean all, of his developmental milestones. His only trait in early childhood was being very intelligent. Even now, he is very independent. He doesn't have a lot of the traits mentioned by people e.g. he can toilet himself, do buttons, zips, use a knife and fork, shower himself. He makes his own breakfast. So nothing that outwardly would suggest autism. He has very little in the way of sensory issues, absolutely nothing that prevents him from living a 'normal' life. No rigidity to routine or obsessions. Meltdowns - maybe 1 or 2 times this year, at most. He is very quick to bring back from a meltdown, 5 minutes at the most. So in terms of 'classic' ASD signs - he has very few. Even reading the threads on here I felt unsure of whether he would be diagnosed or not, he just didn't seem to fit with a lot of the traits being described.

However, my son does lack social communication skills, which are becoming more obvious as he gets older. Two-way conversation can be tricky at times and he often needs instructions repeated as he forgets. He is very keen to communicate, make friends, share and show things he is interested in, he's just a little socially clumsy. He doesn't really ask social questions e.g. 'How was your day mummy?' but will ask to play with me, tell me he loves me. He can get very hyper and excitable and can be difficult to calm down. It's very difficult to know what's going on as a parent, that's why we need a professional to have a look. We paid privately as the list was years and we had the diagnosis within a couple of months.

One thing I always wonder - and please forgive me, I'm not meaning to be rude to anyone - but I read a lot on here about teenagers struggling with school, being beaten up, bullied terribly, ending up with severe mental health issues... why do parent's continue to send their children to school in those conditions?