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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To email my notice with immediate effect.

117 replies

Meltinthemiddle · 20/07/2022 22:55

Started a job 3 weeks in ago as a health care and support worker and it's not what I've been expecting. I've come from a special school and this feels so much different and alot more expected in my job role then what was discussed. Such as driving their vehicle which is a van, I said I could drive but wasn't expecting to drive a automatic van thought of it is making me anxious, cooking meals and so much cleaning! They are short staffed so I've literally been left to get on with it. My rota has been all over the place and I actually ended up working the weekend even though I wasnt told I was due in but I decided to go in when called asking where I was! I still don't even know my hours for the next two weeks and the are doing weekly due staffing over the summer. That aside I don't enjoy the job either! The thing is I'm not someone who doesn't just turn up an dket people down but I can't face handing notice in both situations is making me ill and I've not stopped crying. In the employee handbook it says I have to give one weeks notice after a month working there so what happens if I've only been there 3 weeks? It just feels shit

OP posts:
Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 22/07/2022 06:30

OK I've messaged someone saying I won't be in giving a heads up and I've sent an email. This is totally not me and I feel awful and so anxious about the response and come back 😭

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 22/07/2022 06:31

Meltinthemiddle · 22/07/2022 06:16

I don't know whether to go and work today and sort it out 😢

No, just go back to bed.

Relaxalotl · 22/07/2022 06:34

What comeback? You are allowed to leave. There's nothing that they can actually do to you beyond perhaps being a bit irritated.

I remember your first post and am amazed you stuck with it as long as this given how much you clearly hated it from day one.

Ladybug14 · 22/07/2022 06:43

Meltinthemiddle · 22/07/2022 06:30

OK I've messaged someone saying I won't be in giving a heads up and I've sent an email. This is totally not me and I feel awful and so anxious about the response and come back 😭

Do you mean that they might not pay you? That's illegal.... I'm sure it won't happen

devildeepbluesea · 22/07/2022 06:47

Just to say, I’ve only just seen this thread. Before 1 month you don’t need to give any notice - this is written in law. So do it now before the 27th!

Completelyovernonsense · 22/07/2022 07:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

Completelyovernonsense · 22/07/2022 07:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

saleorbouy · 22/07/2022 07:15

Have you communicated your thoughts to HR or your manager about how you are feeling and that the job in below your expectations of the organisation.
Request that the rota is done in good time to plan your own life and ask for support on the tasks that are causing you concern or where you potentially might need training.
Changing jobs is hard and requires some adjusting.
Give it time and see if you're supported in your new role after outlining your concerns to management.
If you get no assistance to help your settle and adjust to the role then use this as the basis for your resignation.

theemmadilemma · 22/07/2022 07:19

I just had an employee start on a Monday and leave on a Wednesday. She sadly felt it wasn't a good fit. From my side I was just grateful neither of us wasted more time. Sometimes it happens.

We let her go immediately. No hard feelings.

BroomHandledMouser · 22/07/2022 07:20

Oh love, you’ve done the right thing here.

I echo what the other PP’s say too, and please don’t give a second thought as to what the come back is. I know it’s hard because you care about others, but you’re doing this for you and your MH.

Take the weekend to centre again x

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 22/07/2022 07:20

Well I've emailed and messaged that I won't be in as I do actually feel run down with it all and they have been nothing but nice and have asked to ring me and reassure me and discuss things. So now I feel like shit and guilty that they are being so nice 😭 and that they will talk me over. I did message that I will do any shifts next week if I have to do a notice period. I actually do feel crap today with covid symptoms but negative still which is why I decided to call in ill. Think I just need time out! So stressed 😭

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 22/07/2022 07:26

You don't need to work next week, you don't need to give notice - it's under a month. Why offer to do so?
They don't need to call you, don't answer or you're just going to be guilt tripped.
Stick to email, it's done now - you literally have nothing more to worry about.

StillMedusa · 22/07/2022 07:36

Well done Meltinthemiddle...
I handed mine in and the relief I felt... (plus embarrassment ) was huge.
I DO have to work a month's notice and this is week two, so I can see the end in sight. (Mine is local council social care so it's a month even if you've only worked a day!) I was squirming at the thought of going in, but I was honest and said the jobs just not for me, and they have been fine about it.

No idea what I'm going to do next tho! I'll do a bit of supply back at school as and when they need it but I don't want another permanent contract anywhere... it makes me feel suffocated after all those years. I may look at agnency work for that reason, but I'm going to give myself a couple of weeks to work out what is best for me but still brings in some money!

I feel annoyed with myself for 'failing' to make the transition, but at least now I know it's not for me!

Just be relieved you've got out now.. !

IFinallyJoinedNowWhat · 22/07/2022 07:36

Glad you’ve sorted it. I was in a similar situation many years ago… wanted to quit but didn’t feel I could etc etc… eventually got up for work and had a panic attack and never went back. Called in sick and quit. I couldn’t have gone back if I’d wanted to. Stick to your guns and take time to feel better and move on. It’ll be fine. Sometimes you are the most important person. If you try and muddle through you could end up making a serious mistake anyway. Take care of yourself 💐

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 22/07/2022 07:42

Thank you everyone for your support! I know I've gone on and onabout it. Every time I felt brave enough to do it, someone would be nice and I'd feel bad and change my mind. I'm dreading the call now as they do really seem nice people but it's just shit with staffing and communication which is just adding to how I feel about the job role itself.

OP posts:
TemperTrap · 22/07/2022 07:46

Write some things down and have in front of you when they call.
Then if you get flustered, you've got prompts.

Just be factual and clear.

Brefugee · 22/07/2022 07:47

Well done for making a decision OP. I think to be fair to them and the clients it would be a good idea to clarify what your notice period is and when you will be working until then. Get it i writing and just work those shifts.

Explain to them why you are leaving. Let them know where you think they could have improved your onboarding process, and that two rotas is ridiculous if the people who need them don't have them. They need to consolidate it into one with colour codes (or something) for the different workers/places.

Don't feel guilty. This is what probation periods are for. But next time you are offered a job take a bit of time, make them give you their time and explain, exactly what their expectations are and how you will be trained up in the job.

Good luck.

Popvan · 22/07/2022 07:54

Sounds like you'll go in and they'll talk you round. They're being nice now in fear of losing you.
I trust they have sent you on your food hygiene, moving and handling and first aid courses? Also if you're ferrying people in your car, you need to change your car insurance which will cost you or if it is a van you may need a minibus licence.

Care work is shite, workers end up below minimum wage with all the extras they put in while the fat cats cream money off the poor service users. Remember this when they are giving you the sob story.

Original poster
Meltinthemiddle · 22/07/2022 07:55

StillMedusa · 22/07/2022 07:36

Well done Meltinthemiddle...
I handed mine in and the relief I felt... (plus embarrassment ) was huge.
I DO have to work a month's notice and this is week two, so I can see the end in sight. (Mine is local council social care so it's a month even if you've only worked a day!) I was squirming at the thought of going in, but I was honest and said the jobs just not for me, and they have been fine about it.

No idea what I'm going to do next tho! I'll do a bit of supply back at school as and when they need it but I don't want another permanent contract anywhere... it makes me feel suffocated after all those years. I may look at agnency work for that reason, but I'm going to give myself a couple of weeks to work out what is best for me but still brings in some money!

I feel annoyed with myself for 'failing' to make the transition, but at least now I know it's not for me!

Just be relieved you've got out now.. !

Ah well done Still. I have agency worked lined up too but this experience has really knocked my confidence and decision making skills so now I'm just anxious about working 😭. I think it's the sector we work in wit government restraints and lack of funding, increased workload etc

OP posts:
CluelessHamster · 22/07/2022 07:59

I've worked in a similar set up to what you describe (thankfully not any more!) And, honestly, it was perfectly normal for people to start and disappear within a few days as they realised it wasn't for them. No one batted an eyelid, honestly! One women quit halfway through her first day - just didn't come back from her lunch break. No one thought any less of her. You owe them nothing. If they want to retain staff then they need to look at their working conditions and see what incentives they can provide to encourage people to stay. Yes, it's a shame for the clients but ultimately it's management's responsibility to sort out, not yours.

Don't go back next week. Don't stress about it any longer.

growinggreyer · 22/07/2022 08:01

I think you should just not answer the phone to them now. You could send a follow up email saying what the problems were and why you have decided not to keep the job eg the expectations, lack of training, messing you around with the rota and then say you are working elsewhere now and are not available for any more shifts. Draw a line in the sand, this job is done! Good luck for your next one.

YonderTweek · 22/07/2022 08:06

I totally did this too! I was excited about a new job and then it turned out to be nothing like I was promised, and they absolutely ran me to the ground. I burnt out and I was such a mess. I ummed and erred about it for about 9 months and in the end I was so stressed out I was signed off for six weeks and I just handed in my notice and never went back. It was awesome. 😂Of course I was a bit embarrassed and felt bad for the team, but my employer did take the piss and the job turned my life into a big ball of stress, anxiety and weird stress related symptoms (my OCD went crazy and handwashing took over). I just received a short reply from my boss saying sorry to hear this and take care. I think they all knew how short staffed we were and probably weren't surprised. I just couriered my work phone and other bits to them and that was it. I'm so glad I left because it was not life, it was just a horrible time.

That's good that you have agency work to fall back on, and you can always start looking for a new job soon. Maybe the next one will be amazing! 😃Don't let them talk you into staying. Just walk away and look after yourself.

Notjustabrunette · 22/07/2022 08:16

haven’t read all the replies, but yes you should leave. I would send an email saying that the role isn’t for you and that you will work your notice, ask them to confirm your notice. If it’s only 1 week and you’re only down to work 3 days per week, that’s only 3 days more work. If they ask you come in on days you are not scheduled for you can refuse. If they ask you to drive the van, explain that you can’t drive the van. You don’t need to go over and above what was explained to you in the interview.

AhaLyn · 22/07/2022 08:16

Op it’s a job that wasn’t for you. Do you have anxiety in general? You sound nearly hysterical in the posts and you haven’t done anything wrong. Hope you’re feeling better now after emailing them. Sounded crap.

dontgobaconmyheart · 22/07/2022 08:27

It sounds like you're just extended the situation and your own anxiety OP. You won't be the first person to leave somewhere not long after starting and I imagine they'll simply accept it and you'll all move on pretty quickly. In the nicest possible way I doubt they will particularly care past the point that it's extra work for someone else (not your problem). You don't need anyone's permission or agreement to leave or their positive opinion of it, you just need to do it.

I really would just request a call and explain that there has been a change in your circumstances and unfortunately the job is not going to be.suitable. Apologise for the inconvenience, ask what notice they require or if you can agree an immediate effect, send in the written notice for their records and in case you want a reference.

It is one of those things OP, nothing personal and certainly not indicative of your decision making skills. Id you continue to feel overtly anxious I would consider speaking to your GP. Anxiety can be very disabling.
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