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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in feeling let down by work?

72 replies

Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:41

Me and someone else in the department left at the same time they’d been there 3 years longer than me. I’d only been there for a year. So I completely understand how much they will be missed (please don’t misconstrue this I genuinely liked that employee and I was so happy for them they truly deserve it)

In the end I felt deflated because it seemed the speeches just felt less sincere for me and I was in their shadow. He had a lovely heartfelt speech along the lines of “you were brilliant we’ll miss you so much you’re so loved etc etc and you were an asset to us anything we needed you were there for us please come back to us if you don’t like the new place. If we ever needed you you always helped us and nothing was too much of an ask”

I got “thanks for all your help you worked really hard here and we know it hasn’t always been easy thank you for the help and good luck” ( I know it’s because I wasn’t there long)

It just seemed the way it was said wasn’t as sincere but I feel like I worked so hard to do the best for everyone. Later my manager was crying with the other staff member and said “yeah you picked a shit day to leave to be honest” almost saying, the other person is more important today you won’t get thr attention. The head also stated I. Their farewell “snowflakewater is now leaving as they came in to cover for x employee” almost framing it like I left because my time was up, but they offered me an extension In January and I declined so I felt there was some sense of annoyance on their part. Others who had been there the same time as me but left for other reasons got some kinder words and also “please do return and see us if you don’t like it” I never had that? But when the contract was being offered I was seen as “ a backbone to the team”

I may not be perfect but that did hurt. I gave a lot to this place and always tried my hardest and in return I just feel I may aswell not have been there.

The head then hugged the colleage and wished them well whereas just tapped my arm and said “good luck”. In all honesty I feel it was because I turned down the job extension a few months ago that the head just turned slightly funny on me but I just really felt like I wasn’t looked upon fondly at all.

I’m definitely feeling deflated today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:43

By the way I know a years service is NOTHING in comparison and I just want to say I’m happy for all co workers it’s just how management treated me in the formalities and farewells

OP posts:
ChagSameachDoreen · 20/07/2022 22:44

It happens. Some people are just more popular than others in the workplace, for a variety of reasons.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:47

ChagSameachDoreen · 20/07/2022 22:44

It happens. Some people are just more popular than others in the workplace, for a variety of reasons.

100%

OP posts:
Jalepenojello · 20/07/2022 22:48

Going to be honest, unless I was really working closely with a colleague, I’d barely blink if someone left 12 months after starting. I am sorry you feel so deflated…I think it’s so easy for you to compare due to another colleague leaving and you can really feel the difference…

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:50

Jalepenojello · 20/07/2022 22:48

Going to be honest, unless I was really working closely with a colleague, I’d barely blink if someone left 12 months after starting. I am sorry you feel so deflated…I think it’s so easy for you to compare due to another colleague leaving and you can really feel the difference…

I suppose it just feels crap BUT yes I know as I wasn’t there long it’s not as noticeable! So I’m with you on that because when I’ve been at other places for a while and people leave really soon the impact they make is much less!

OP posts:
Hunderland · 20/07/2022 22:50

YABU. And ridiculous.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:50

Hunderland · 20/07/2022 22:50

YABU. And ridiculous.

Understandable🙂

OP posts:
PinkButtercups · 20/07/2022 22:50

I get that you're hurt but don't let it get to you. Easier said than done.

midairchallenger · 20/07/2022 22:51

You're massively overthinking this and seem to be interpreting everything through a pre-existing downbeat negative lens that isn't justified.

Your speech was nice - if they didn't care they didn't have to say anything, they could have just brushed you off or ignored it. They didn't, they went to the trouble of thanking you and acknowledging.

It's not about you being less valued. They've only known you a year compared to three years - of course they have a different depth of relationship with you in terms of physical affection. It doesn't mean your work is any less valuable or that you as a person are any less valuable.

Stop looking for negatives and focus on the positives. You will only make yourself feel rotten if you zoom in trying to twist everything into a negative.

safetylastday · 20/07/2022 22:52

With covid etc I imagine half the people have never met you in person altho not clear from your op
But yabu and you’ve acknowledged that? 3 years is literally 3 x more time
with people of course they’ll react differently

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:53

safetylastday · 20/07/2022 22:52

With covid etc I imagine half the people have never met you in person altho not clear from your op
But yabu and you’ve acknowledged that? 3 years is literally 3 x more time
with people of course they’ll react differently

I’ve worked in person for the full year 🙂

OP posts:
blueshoes · 20/07/2022 22:53

Unless this is a very junior admin role or a fixed contract role, I think it takes 2 years before a new joiner 'pays back' the investment that the company makes in hiring them. Unless the company screwed you over in some way, leaving before 1 year may be seen by management as leaving them in the lurch.

I would be polite but cool at their departure as a manager.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/07/2022 22:53

In all honesty I feel it was because I turned down the job extension a few months ago that the head just turned slightly funny on me but I just really felt like I wasn’t looked upon fondly at all.

Thats probably right tbh. And fair enough I guess.

A year isn’t that long and they gave you a chance to stay so I’m not sure how much fuss you could reasonably expect, not more than you got though.

If you’ve ever worked somewhere for 4 years you’ll know the difference to just one. And those 4 years included the whole covid nightmare which lots of colleagues found quite bonding.

They were perfectly nice to you. They just weren’t as sad to see you go.

ThreeLittleDots · 20/07/2022 22:54

I can see how that would have been hurtful, and I don't think you're being ridiculous. Fuck 'em!

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:55

midairchallenger · 20/07/2022 22:51

You're massively overthinking this and seem to be interpreting everything through a pre-existing downbeat negative lens that isn't justified.

Your speech was nice - if they didn't care they didn't have to say anything, they could have just brushed you off or ignored it. They didn't, they went to the trouble of thanking you and acknowledging.

It's not about you being less valued. They've only known you a year compared to three years - of course they have a different depth of relationship with you in terms of physical affection. It doesn't mean your work is any less valuable or that you as a person are any less valuable.

Stop looking for negatives and focus on the positives. You will only make yourself feel rotten if you zoom in trying to twist everything into a negative.

You’re so right. I think it’s maybe because we ended up leaving at the same time I just felt in their shadow

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:58

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/07/2022 22:53

In all honesty I feel it was because I turned down the job extension a few months ago that the head just turned slightly funny on me but I just really felt like I wasn’t looked upon fondly at all.

Thats probably right tbh. And fair enough I guess.

A year isn’t that long and they gave you a chance to stay so I’m not sure how much fuss you could reasonably expect, not more than you got though.

If you’ve ever worked somewhere for 4 years you’ll know the difference to just one. And those 4 years included the whole covid nightmare which lots of colleagues found quite bonding.

They were perfectly nice to you. They just weren’t as sad to see you go.

Yeah I think prior to the offering of am extension they were lovely. But after they werent very nice at all. I often was ignored by the head or I would just keep my head down

OP posts:
Cherryana · 20/07/2022 22:59

I think it’s okay to acknowledge all the things- it stings and by tomorrow that work place will be somewhere you used to work.

You chose to move on for a reason and you got paid for the time you were there.

You know you did a good job while you were there and now you are free to move forward to the next step.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 22:59

ThreeLittleDots · 20/07/2022 22:54

I can see how that would have been hurtful, and I don't think you're being ridiculous. Fuck 'em!

Deflating for sure. I wasn’t valued at all but that’s okay I didn’t want to be in the shadow of another

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 23:02

Cherryana · 20/07/2022 22:59

I think it’s okay to acknowledge all the things- it stings and by tomorrow that work place will be somewhere you used to work.

You chose to move on for a reason and you got paid for the time you were there.

You know you did a good job while you were there and now you are free to move forward to the next step.

Thank you💛I’m just processing it i suppose. I know my time was minuscule. But when others who have been there the same time as me have nicer comments and the person from my dept got a big hug and I got a tap I just didn’t know what to feel

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 20/07/2022 23:03

It all feels a bit pointed, as if they set out to make you feel bad. If you ever regretted your decision, I'm sure you don't now! Graceless pricks.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/07/2022 23:03

Yeah I think prior to the offering of am extension they were lovely. But after they werent very nice at all. I often was ignored by the head or I would just keep my head down

Then you can’t have been expecting much fanfare at all? They comments you say they made were perfectly nice! You wouldn’t have believed them if they said they loved you and wanted you to come back. I’m confused by your update. Either all was rosy and your send off wasn’t in line with the existing dynamic, or they were ignoring you and your actual send off was pretty pleasant.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 23:05

ThreeLittleDots · 20/07/2022 23:03

It all feels a bit pointed, as if they set out to make you feel bad. If you ever regretted your decision, I'm sure you don't now! Graceless pricks.

Felt like it was framed like they let me go, that wasn’t the case, then I felt a bit snubbed by the head. It was like “yeah bye”

OP posts:
Cherryana · 20/07/2022 23:10

Ahhh a school. It’s all petty status games…I know it’s easy for me to say, but try not to give it headspace and be glad you are not like that.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 20/07/2022 23:11

Cherryana · 20/07/2022 23:10

Ahhh a school. It’s all petty status games…I know it’s easy for me to say, but try not to give it headspace and be glad you are not like that.

I was always raised to respect people whether they contributed a month or 5 years. The dedication they give will always be different but the appreciation should be similar

OP posts:
WGACA · 20/07/2022 23:20

Cherryana · 20/07/2022 23:10

Ahhh a school. It’s all petty status games…I know it’s easy for me to say, but try not to give it headspace and be glad you are not like that.

100% this!