To find this a bit of a red flag in people?

[Irmagerd1]

The other day I met a couple that my partner knows. They seemed friendly, particularly the girl. She talked a lot, I mean really a lot, which is fine, maybe a bit different from me but that's who she is. But she was starting to get quite deep and emotional and I had only just met her. Telling me about dark periods in her life and how X point was the only time she'd felt she had any self esteem in life, this kind of thing. At this point I'd met her for 15 minutes.
I noticed that every time her boyfriend was going to speak she'd cut him off and start speaking.
Maybe she wears her heart on her sleeve, or is just very open but it just really seemed too much for someone I'd known for 10 minutes.
Another person I met a couple of years ago was like that. Within an hour of knowing her I knew her relationship history, the relationships she had with her family, that her ex had been controlling, and so on.
I later tried to make friends with her but she just didn't reply to my messages and then randomly cut my partner (who she'd been mates with for years) out of her life, refusing to meet with him and deleting us both of all social media for no apparent reason. I guess she had had own issues.
I think since her I'm always a bit wary of this super over friendly and over familiar types within minutes of meeting them.
Am I wrong to be? Anyone else?

Sounds possibly neurodivergent. Recognise my own behaviour here.

Sometimes it is a symptom of trauma and resulting lack of boundaries.

So someone in need of help rather than "attention seeking" or "a red flag".

You are unreasonable for using such a cliched and over the top phrase like 'red flag'

I have adhd and I do this, especially when I’m nervous. It’s not a lack of self awareness and it’s not for drama or attention, I just can’t seem to help doing it.

I actually hate myself for it and try to avoid meeting new people. My old friends and family seem to love and accept me as I am but once someone actually said something similar to the OP but to my face and it upset me so much that I have been wary of talking to new people since.

I don’t expect everybody to like me but it upsets me to think I’m seen as a ‘red flag’.

Interestingly in my job, which is quite people centred, I don’t do this as much and am a good listener and much more confident in myself. It tends to be socially with new people that I struggle.

Last year I was sitting waiting for 15 minutes after getting my covid vaccine when a woman emerged, sat down next to me and proceeded to tell me her life story. Within those 15 minutes I knew that she'd been abused by her mother, had a child with x, y and z conditions, was bullied at school, suffered domestic abuse in her first marriage and was in therapy.

I actually knew who she was (even with the face mask on), she'd been in the year above me at primary school and I remember her getting bullied a lot, we have friends in common now; she doesn't know me though but she'd said something along the lines of she felt I was one if those people that you could just open up to without fear, or something. I just remember thinking omg be careful, she is clearly a very vulnerable person who'd already through a lot and someone could easily take advantage of that. Not sure what made her share such personal info with a random stranger though.

For me this would signal a history of trauma and problems with boundaries. I hope the person you speak of gets the help they need. I think in terms of your response, although I undertsbad it may be unsettling, I think some compassion and some research on the impact of trauma may help?

I used to do this sometimes
Not to everybody.
But occasionally I'd bump in to somebody and sense that they weren't a judgemental personal and that they had empathy and before I knew it I'd told them too much.

I did sense it scared people away though because I would always find myself realising afterwards, overshared again.

Then I watched this video which really helped. Below. This explains that oversharing is demonstrating a requirement for a really HIGH level of intimacy, immediately. It's a red flag to other healthy people obviously. This shocked me as although i was oversharing because I sensed they were healthy people emotionally, I was revealing my issues to them.

It is sometimes about poor boundaries and trauma.

I think its completely misguided (and a bit snotty) to suggest to someone that they research trauma to manage to understand complete strangers who overshare.

Its often also about anxiety, people who are anxious, or think that they're being expected to engage or nervous about silence or if they're self obsessed (which can both contribute to but also be a result of anxiety and trauma) they think they need to make conversation, but perhaps their social skills are poor so they gabble on about themselves with lack of self awareness.

It makes them very vulnerable, its why people like that end up with either similar friends/associates who are all similar and then they proceed to fall in and out having loads of arguments with people like that or they attract abusers because they give out so many signals of vulnerability.

I don't think it's wrong to open up to strangers. It happens sometimes when travelling and the next day you move on and never see them again. It's good and interesting. I like those open people. There are lots of kinds of people in the world, not just one kind, thank goodness.

It may signal a lack of boundaries but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a red flag. Some of the most bat shit crazy people I’ve ever met have hearts of gold.

She may just be an open book.

Sometimes l think if we allowed our guards to go down and be completely honest and vulnerable with one another there would be less mental health issues. We all go through stuff, but adhere to the stiff upper lip mentality that is conditioned on us early on, not sure how healthy that is.
It doesn't really bother me regarding people off loading, l think the real problem is many of us are embarrased as to what to say/ reply.

I tend to back away from early over sharers too. In my experience they seem to be drama queens who NEED to be the centre of attention all the time.
The same sort of people who like to post things on Facebook like 'I can't do this any more' with nothing further to explain what they're talking about just so that they get loads of 'you ok hun' messages back.
I'm sure not everyone that acts like this is this type of person but I've met a lot who are.
Personally I'm so the other way that I think it's a bit of a flaw too. I feel anxious sharing anything with anyone bar about 3 people in my life. I think this is also a trauma response and I'm sure some people find me stand offish but I can't, I feel ashamed of some of the stuff that's happened to me and I feel like it's not fair to put it on other people.
I also have a tendancy to get angry when I keep reading how brave it is when people share their experiences so that others can know theyre not alone. I mean sure it can be brave and I'm sure a lot of people do feel better knowing that other people have experienced similar , but personally it feels like pressure. Like if I don't share I'm selfish because what about all the other people???