To find this a bit of a red flag in people?

[Irmagerd1]

The other day I met a couple that my partner knows. They seemed friendly, particularly the girl. She talked a lot, I mean really a lot, which is fine, maybe a bit different from me but that's who she is. But she was starting to get quite deep and emotional and I had only just met her. Telling me about dark periods in her life and how X point was the only time she'd felt she had any self esteem in life, this kind of thing. At this point I'd met her for 15 minutes.
I noticed that every time her boyfriend was going to speak she'd cut him off and start speaking.
Maybe she wears her heart on her sleeve, or is just very open but it just really seemed too much for someone I'd known for 10 minutes.
Another person I met a couple of years ago was like that. Within an hour of knowing her I knew her relationship history, the relationships she had with her family, that her ex had been controlling, and so on.
I later tried to make friends with her but she just didn't reply to my messages and then randomly cut my partner (who she'd been mates with for years) out of her life, refusing to meet with him and deleting us both of all social media for no apparent reason. I guess she had had own issues.
I think since her I'm always a bit wary of this super over friendly and over familiar types within minutes of meeting them.
Am I wrong to be? Anyone else?

Anyway I'm not going to be made to feel bad for what I think as I'm allowed to not like hugging strangers and so on. She's allowed to be who she is to but I don't have to like it. Some people on here seem to have taken offence

My mum has always said to be wary of these types of people.

I have to be honest, I overshare sometimes. Not to that extent but I always think, “Was that too much information?” Or “why did I say that?”. It’s something I’m working on. I’ve also become become emotional at inappropriate times/places and felt embarrassed afterwards. Apparently it’s a common ADHD or ASD/ND trait. Also working on interrupting others as I don’t want to be that person.

YNBU though. It’s not unreasonable to establish boundaries with people and nobody likes being talked over.

Agree. I am wary of new aquaintances who are over-sharers too and back off if I get too much information too early. It's a form of social ineptitude, obviously, but I also see it as selfish and inconsiderate and lacking self-awareness and empathy. I'm a fairly private introvert, so often come in for jibes of being 'stand-offish' from people like this.

Why would all that stuff be of interest to a new aquaintance? Do they really want to hear gory details? How is it going to make them feel? What do they want from you? These things are clearly not on the radar for some people - it's just about THEM.

The corollary of this attitude can sometimes be an expectation that you will reciprocate and tell them all your innermost secrets, and resentment it you don't. And drama and offence-taking seem to be very near the surface. Definitely a red flag for me.

I think they're trauma dumping and trying to build rapport too quickly

This. I had some counselling in the past. I was terribly depressed couldn't work out why I felt I had no friends. I'd moved around a lot which was one reason and then desperate for friends I would try to build rapport/ catch them up to speed with my life as if to make instant close friends I was so bloody desperate for.
Trauma dumping to. The more you share the easier it is to deal with.

I think maybe she just struggles with social interaction then didn't respond when she realised she'd over shared.

Has your DP spoken to her since?

The other thing, did the men exclude her because she had another woman to talk to? I've seen this in the past where the women are just expected to entertain each other.

Nobody said you have to like it 🤷🏻‍♀️

But if you're going to judge her and her behaviour, then you can't be surprised that people are judging you in return!

Some people do over share, I think it’s rude to lay heavy, personal stuff on people.
I got some dark stuff in my life, but I wouldn’t bither other’s with it.
It’s not their responsability.

Also not a hugger, people need to learn boundaries.
They should accept that not everyone wants their hugs/ have sensory issues or whatever.

I don’t do hugging - they can fuck right off with that shite

I don't think it matters whether its a red flag or not. We are all entitled to our preferences in who we befriend and spend time with and if this person is not your cup of tea then that's that. I loathe being hugged by strangers.

Red flag feels a bit strong but I think an element of wariness is right. People who talk over others, interrupt and bring every conversation back to themselves can be very draining — particularly when you’ve only just met them.

It feels like I can't push then away though when they hug me or tell them 'no hugs' without coming across as odd or rude so I just do it out of politeness

It’s fine to not like it. That doesn’t make it a “red flag”, any more than your quietness is a red flag for her. It’s just an incompatibility.

Exactly this. Its often a sign of early trauma, lack of boundaries (not their fault) and a misguided attempt at connection and intimacy. Sometimes the burden of shame is so heavy, its a way of offloading some of that weight.

Was drink involved? It could alcohol lowered her inhibitions. I have done the oversharing thing even though I'm a lot more reserved in normal circumstances. I was through a very traumatic period of my life. When I sobered up I cringed so much at how much I had overshared and then was too ashamed to face them so avoided them.

Years later and both of us sober, a woman overshared with me really intimate traumatic details about her life. I felt really connected to her and glad that she was able to confide in me. I felt a lot of empathy towards her and wanted to support her even though we don't know each other.

It's cheesy but I felt honoured she felt comfortable enough to open up to me. I have been told I'm a good listener and have one of those 'kind faces' where I look like I'm smiling even when it's just my default resting face. I would have happily kept in touch with this woman and wouldn't have minded listening to her again, even though I had a lot of my own grief and problems.

It feels good to give back and have an authentic conversation but I completely get uncomfortable oversharing can make some people and I don't think they're wrong to feel this way I just want them to know that it could be a habit of oversharing or it could be they are going through something and you happened to be the one to have this 'dumped' at and to give the benefit of the doubt because one day you may be the one doing the dumping, however unlikely it may seem now.

So it it a red flag? Potentially that they may be an energy vampire but I would say it's an orange flag for boundaries and a red flag for not being mentally well or really struggling in their own life or with mental health right now. They might be in a crisis or it could be their personality.

Draining is the correct word. She's a good person I'm sure, it's just very different personality types and I couldn't wait to get away.

Sometimes oversharing is due to a particular issue. I can overshare due to my ADHD and past DV trauma. I don't always want to it just happens.

Perhaps I have been quick to judge re the oversharing. It's also the cutting people off and constant talking that I found hard, I'll maybe give her a wide berth. If she doesn't like my quietness that's fine too. She may be different next time.
Funnily the other person mentioned in my OP told me 'I don't like quiet people."

Perhaps they needed to offload and yours was the sympathetic listening ear? They may not have been looking for a long term friendship and could subsequently regret being too open.

It's often easier to confide in a stranger than someone you know well.

When I meet someone like that I tend to think drama, chaotic life, problems with emotional regulation, problems with boundaries. Not necessarily bad person, just in the midst of emotional chaos. The reason I think that is because that was who I was when I was like that.

Depends if it was relevant. If the topic was relevant and she shared it, then YABU.

Eg. Asking what she does for work, and it comes up.

Why would it be a red flag? Maybe poor social skills. But what other red flag? Unnecessarily dramatic.

Not the cutting people off though, that’s just rude and that is a red flag all on its own regardless of all the other stuff.

I think that’s fair enough. There’s an implicit suggestion in the OP that her emotions and experiences are more valuable for being kept to herself, and that her hugs are worth more because she doesn’t ‘waste’ them on strangers, but I think it’s a moral neutral either way — they’re just different self-presentations.

As PPs have said, dominating the conversation is deeply tiresome, though.

YANBU. Apply it to the opposite sex; if a bloke overshared during a first date, I'd run a mile. It's a massive red flag, not least because oversharers are rarely interested in anyone but themselves.

I steer clear from oversharers. They also come across untrustworthy to me, they might overshare something about me! I know the type you are referring to.

As previous posters have mentioned, oversharing can be a sign of neuro divergence. Adhd can make me overshare, especially if I'm nervous - I will then be absolutely mortified about it and ruminate on it for weeks afterwards. I still inwardly cringe at things I can remember saying years ago.

It is one of the reasons why I dread real-life interactions, even more so now I know some people view it as being over dramatic or a red flag!