Is this just me or is this out of order?

[cakeheelslipstick]

For my fiancé's birthday present I bought a photo studio experience so he could have professionally taken photos of him and his 3 sons. On the day we were going back to the studio to choose the photos his ex wife asked one of their sons to take photos of the pictures on his phone for her to keep. This has upset me because the photos were my present to my fiancé. Fair enough if she wants some professional photos of her sons but I'd rather she had asked for details of the studio so she could purchase the photos from them. I've spoken to my fiance about this and he thinks his ex wife has done nothing wrong and I'm the one in the wrong for having an issue with it. Am I missing something here?

Bit of an odd present but I can’t see why you are being weird about the photos and declaring she can’t have copies unless she pays, they are her kids

OP doesn't want to have paid for pictures for his ex.

I don’t see what the issue is. It doesn’t affect you or detract from your gift. I think you are being a bit precious tbh.

I would have offered tbh anyway (and yes I’m a stepmum)

This just seems a bit odd, if you got digital copies of the photos which I’d expect. One or more of the sons could have just forwarded them, assuming they have a say/can access photos which feature them. A photo of a photo seems cheap and bizarre.

Hi 👋🏻 stepmum here. God I hate to say this but honestly I couldn't find myself giving to much of a toss about this tbh.

I could understand if it was a surprise present and she somehow ruined the surprise for your fiancé.

I imagine the studio being annoyed from a copyright angle.

I really think there are bigger more weighty issues that come up in blended families than getting upset over a photo being taken. IMO and I mean this gently. I don't think your feelings are about the photos really. Worth exploring what exactly it is about.

Meh. Don't see the issue.
I'd probably give her one if there was a nice one of just her sons.

Same here

The studio must know people do this all the time

Yabu but you probably have a load of back story drama with this woman

You would have more to worry about if she had kicked off for having you pay for that to be done, ie, being jealous. I think you are being ridiculously petty.

Assuming there are photos of just the kids and their Dad isn’t in all of them I think I would’ve offered her some copies of those ones anyway.

YABVU, it’s your husbands present anyway and he doesn’t mind so there’s no problem.

I think it was a little discourteous to be taking sneaky copies whilst actually in the studio, but discourteous to the photographer, not you.

Other than that, well if I had access to professional photographs of somebody else’s children for whatever reason, I would be offering them copies.

I honestly think you should be rethinking a relationship with a man with three children if this is your attitude towards some photographs. You know your own copies won’t degrade if somebody else looks at another copy.

I think if you’re going to use her children to facilitate your choice of birthday gift, you have to expect that she will show some interest. You don’t get to claim complete control over the thing because it’s ‘your gift’ when your gift can only exist with the cooperation of other people.

Does she know what you look like. Prob being nosy lol

You really ought to have given one of the photos to the kids to take home surely? if they are them and their dad. Then there really would be a problem.

*wouldn't

Fuming. Over that 🙄

I would have given the mother a photo of her sons. Always best to keep relations cordial when children are involved. Will make your life easier, too. Although something tells me you prefer the drama 🙄

I think it’s a bit sad it has to be a photo on a phone. Can’t you / your DP send her one of the digital copies?

How would a copy of a photo of her children and ex help her know what OP looks like?

Yeah, it's just you.

You are being ridiculous sorry.

My ex and I still regularly arrange photo shoots for our shared child and his older 2. I use a photographer who sends a disc or online link to the pictures and I always send it on to his ex wife so she can order any nice ones of the kids she wants.

It's a few photos...you are massively over thinking and looking for reasons to be mad at her. Dial it back or walk away cos you are clearly not cut out to have a relationship with someone who has children.

I went to a newborn one of these. You weren't allowed to take photos.

Why ?

This