What can I do about homeless teen?

[Surprisedat42]

Dd 16 has a boyfriend she’s been with for a year and half. He does stay at ours sometimes but recently he’s been here more and more and I’ve told Dd it is too much. It turns out he’s been staying between here and two friends, because his mum has thrown him out. He doesn’t want anyone to know.

I’ve made sure he’s had food and showers here and I’ve given him a load of clothes that my younger brother in his 20s was getting rid of - including some nice trainers etc, as his stuff was looking a bit tatty. I’ve washed his stuff and I said I would help him look for a job.

He's here at the moment, but his relationship with Dd is a bit tempestuous and he can’t stay here long term, especially as we have a baby on the way in February. I don’t particularly want him here living with Dd, they are far too young for that and I can’t take care of him as well as my own family long term. I can’t throw him out on to the streets - so I need to get some support for him. Regardless of whether he wants anyone to know or not, I’m going to have to get some help sorted for him. How do I go about this?

How old is he? Social services should offer him some help in finding a bedsit or similar.

He’s 16

Is he in school or college? They may be able to help. Otherwise its SS.

He’s starting a new college in September so I was going to wait till then but I don’t think it can wait as he has been arguing with Dd.

Raise it with social services, don't let on you let him stay otherwise he won't be prioritised, as he won't be deemed high risk

The issue will be whether he will engage with them. You can lead a horse to water and all that

Well I don’t have a room for him - he’s sharing with Dd and we genuinely don’t have the space.

If his own mother can't stand him and his relationship with your daughter is 'a bit tempestuous' you need to step up and protect your daughter by sending him on his way. He sounds unpleasant. He can contact whatever charities help people in his situation. It's not your problem and the less he brings his 'tempestuous' nature upon your family the better.

Hi you need to speak to local council and have him assessed for 16/17 accommodation like a foyer. Make it clear he has nowhere to go.

There are various supported schemes. As a child he should also have a referral to social services and allocated a social worker.

My Dd is argumentative- I’m not sure it’s all him! He’s not unpleasant, I just can’t look after him.

It will put a lot pf pressure on your dd and the relationship if he effectively moves in. The situation is not sustainable and he needs to find an alternative place to live. Why was he thrown out, does he have other relatives?

You need to contact SS and be very clear you cant take him in. Tell him first and the issue might resolve itself if he doesnt want people to know.

Personally I wouldn't take him at his word though. Someone official needs to get in touch with his mother.

I don’t know - I haven’t got the full story. I’ve contacted his mum and asked her to call me.

Such an awful comment

This is a child who has been made homeless and you are thinking his mother is in the right here?

I feel so stressed with it. I can’t throw a child out onto the street.

We had the same with DS’s friend, not girlfriend, so it was easier to have her stay however, I contacted the school safeguarding lead (you can contact the new college) and social services. It took a lot of pushing in my part to get her into a semi-independent placement but we got there eventually. SS were very reluctant to do anything as she was safe with us but I had to put my foot down with them and say it wasn’t sustainable for her to be sleeping on a blow up mattress on DS’s floor.

Contact Housing Needs at your local authority, they can interview him in company with children's' services and decide if he is a child in need and where to go from there. He won't be out on the streets, he might not like what they offer but staying at yours isn't sustainable is it? BTW , I have met 16-year-olds who have behaved appallingly, they were clearly either very troubled or were criminals in the making and I could understand why the parents had to ask them to leave; often it was to protect much younger siblings.

Contact the college as a safeguarding issue.

He will be able to claim some money to support himself. And yes to social services so at least he’s on their radar.

He can register with careers service too and they can signpost him for support.

He’s not a criminal in the making or badly behaved, though I don’t know how he’s behaved at mums house. I need to speak to her in the first instance to establish the truth and then I’ll contact college. I’ve messaged her but not heard back.
I think I’m a bit hormonal and pregnant as well - so I’ve been in floods of tears today.

Is dd at school? Their safeguarding te might help you find help.

I think you need to engage with social services and push it to do something. If it thinks for one second you'll take this on it will let you.

You can only do what you can do.

Hi @Surprisedat42 I was pretty much estranged from my parents at the age of 17. I loved with a friend for three weeks before getting myself some hostel accommodation sorted.
My friends parents getting involved would have been so helpful for me and I do think you need to get official people involved. They will be able to offer help and support and it sounds like he really needs that.
Also your daughter does not need a live in partner at her age
Good luck and it's good that you care, even if it just the pregnancy hormones going into overdrive!!
Good luck hope it works out.

Lived with even!!

He is very lucky to have you - I was homeless at 16 and was helped a lot by friends parents. You can approach your Local Authority Homeless Team or Children's Services. They are required to carry out a joint assessment to decide who has the responsibility to house/support.

Quote The Southwark Judgement if you meet any resistance. Council's are generally not unhelpful, but overrun and underfunded.

I work in housing, happy to answer any questions. Best of luck.

What a terrible comment. He’s a child.

I’d suggest that he takes some responsibility and calls children’s services at your local council. Or Foyer if there is one near you. Shelter may also be able to help. At 16 he can leave home but his rights to support (roof, money) are limited. You may need to advocate for him. I get the dilemma you face:he is 16 and doesn’t have the skills to get what he needs and you find it (understandably) hard to Chuck him out of your house. However pleasant or not he is, he needs a roof over his head and to eat.