What can I do about homeless teen?

[Surprisedat42]

Dd 16 has a boyfriend she’s been with for a year and half. He does stay at ours sometimes but recently he’s been here more and more and I’ve told Dd it is too much. It turns out he’s been staying between here and two friends, because his mum has thrown him out. He doesn’t want anyone to know.

I’ve made sure he’s had food and showers here and I’ve given him a load of clothes that my younger brother in his 20s was getting rid of - including some nice trainers etc, as his stuff was looking a bit tatty. I’ve washed his stuff and I said I would help him look for a job.

He's here at the moment, but his relationship with Dd is a bit tempestuous and he can’t stay here long term, especially as we have a baby on the way in February. I don’t particularly want him here living with Dd, they are far too young for that and I can’t take care of him as well as my own family long term. I can’t throw him out on to the streets - so I need to get some support for him. Regardless of whether he wants anyone to know or not, I’m going to have to get some help sorted for him. How do I go about this?

Normally I would say speak to his school, but sounds like he is between courses, so I would be tempted to call social services for advice still unless the mum resolves this very quickly. SS can liaise with the mother and get to the bottom of it.

I think most areas in England at least have Multi Agency Safeguarding Hubs (MASH) teams. You could google to see if your council has one and call them for advice maybe or if not just social services. He is a child who needs help and it is great you are giving him it, but you also have your DD to think of and you are pregnant + he may need specialist input to help him in the long tern. Best he gets the help now whilst he is still a child too.

I also might consider asking him (very nicely) to sleep on the sofa if you don't have a spare room, so it puts less pressure on your DD, but depends on this situation.

Good luck and thank you for looking out for him

Difficult to know if his mum is telling the truth or him. He may not enjoy the family rules, or his mum may not want to admit she kicked him out. He's not your responsibility. You should think about talking to social services about their support for 16-19 year olds. I had students in bedsits, or foster care if parental relationship had broken down.

I'm sure loved was a Freudian slip.

OP

As others have said get SS involved.

I'd be tempted to get him a tent in the garden so he is not 'safely housed'

Mum might not be telling the truth. Tell him you need to help him find proper accommodation of his own and contact the safeguarding lead at his school or college. Then social services. Be aware that his mum might lie throughout - she might well have kicked him out, but doesn't want to 'look bad' so won't admit to it in public, thereby scuppering his chances of getting help. Some parents are awful.

I'm always a bit wary when a teenager says their parents kicked them out.
My DS also lived with his girlfriend for a few weeks after he told her parents that we had kicked him out...completely untrue, he chose to leave against our will.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen and there are some not-so-great parents out there but just be mindful that he/they could be manipulating you.
Good luck!

I was homeless at 16, it wasn’t because I was a tear away. Posters seem quick to assume the fault is with him. Obviously you cannot be his foster home but I just wanted to point out he isn’t necessarily a bad kid.

I am a foster carer and in past hay taken in 16 year olds. One boy who's Mum had thrown him out because he argued with Step Dad. He was no trouble at all. Ate whatever I made him and very respectful. He left at 19 and SS helped him find a bed sit. We also had a girl who's Mum had thrown her out at 15 as she could not manage her. She had been pregnant but miscarried then she came to us. She was quiet for 3 or 4 months then started staying out most of night, she was mean to our foster son and generally quite troubled. She left straight after her 17 birthday to live with bf. Speak to SS about getting him a foster placement untill he is 18. Then they can offer help with finding flat or bedsit and will help with benefit claims too.

You need to say he can’t stay where you are. If you admit that he is staying over, they will try to get you to take him in.