What can I do about homeless teen?

[Surprisedat42]

Dd 16 has a boyfriend she’s been with for a year and half. He does stay at ours sometimes but recently he’s been here more and more and I’ve told Dd it is too much. It turns out he’s been staying between here and two friends, because his mum has thrown him out. He doesn’t want anyone to know.

I’ve made sure he’s had food and showers here and I’ve given him a load of clothes that my younger brother in his 20s was getting rid of - including some nice trainers etc, as his stuff was looking a bit tatty. I’ve washed his stuff and I said I would help him look for a job.

He's here at the moment, but his relationship with Dd is a bit tempestuous and he can’t stay here long term, especially as we have a baby on the way in February. I don’t particularly want him here living with Dd, they are far too young for that and I can’t take care of him as well as my own family long term. I can’t throw him out on to the streets - so I need to get some support for him. Regardless of whether he wants anyone to know or not, I’m going to have to get some help sorted for him. How do I go about this?

I took in a 16 year old friend of DS2 who had been kicked out by his ‘M’ (she sided with new boyfriend!) - however we had the room and it wasn’t a chore for us. You sound lovely but I appreciate it must be hard with a new baby due. I hope the local council can help 💐

Which county is this in?
What is the boy hoping to study at college?
Hope something can be worked out for him x

Over 20 years ago a good friend of my daughter at 16, was thrown out by her mother. I won’t go into detail but there were extenuating circumstances as to why their relationship had broken down. We offered a safe place for the girl to stay here, after she told her mum where she was. She stayed for a couple of months. We then managed to get her a room in a sort of sheltered house where she was able to stay while she went to college. She later moved to a kind of foster parent situation. She really was a lovely girl, just struggling with lots of problems.

I am happy to say she eventually moved abroad, is now married with a little girl, she went to uni and qualified as a teacher and is very happy. Once she put a bit of space between herself and her mother, she was able to sort herself out and she and her mother are now very close. She credits my daughter and our family as the ones who saved her but really we just carried on as normal and treated her as one of our own while she sorted herself out.

Op, your situation is more complex but don’t rush to turn your back on him. I am sure there are places to help a young lad who has been thrown out by his mother. I understand you are not able to have him in your own home, but just helping him access help will make a huge difference to how his life turns out. Good luck!

I would contact the school if it’s still open and ask for their advice as I think they legally have him still enrolled until the start of summer.

I agree that you can’t have him living there, even if him and DD didn’t argue.

Social services- he’s a child - they can assess and take him into care voluntarily

I've also taken In a friends child... it worked out well.

Don't be distraught you are doing the right thing, just keep on at the mum and social services

Also you must inform the local authority if he is with you for more than 28 days as it unofficial fostering and needs to be flagged legally

Can I just say, you don't need to contact his mother. It's not for you to investigate. Don't take that on your pregnant and stressed shoulders. You just need to be clear about the safeguarding issues in your own mind - there is a homeless child here. And then talk to him and DD. Explain that there is a way for him to find more suitable accommodation, and you want to support him to do that. If he is resistant to seeking help with your support, then you explain also that when you are concerned about the safety of a child, you have to initiate safeguarding processes even if the child does not want you to ie you will contact SS and school/college safeguarding. Be empathetic and gentle, but clear about the boundaries of the situation. Even if he or DD kick back about this, it is actually an important thing in helping them both feel safe and that they are not just abandoned by the adults in navigating a tricky situation.

I’ve spoken to mum and she says she hasn’t kicked him out. I don’t really know what to make of it.

Agree, he can still apply to his local council anyway, and do a homeless application.

Ask her to come round and fetch him.

He's arguing with your daughter, he has a home to go to.

Sadly this happens all too often. My mother was a support worker and we had many teens stay at our home whilst they sorted out accommodation for them. Many mothers just chuck them out at 16 because they think they should have their own place at 16 but who is really stable enough to have a house at 16 and know how to pay bills and be an adult. Sadly many are too young. Speak to your local authority and they will put you in touch with the homeless sector who will deal with his age, as well as asking childrens services to step in. Most of the time they ring the mothers and ask if they will let them stay but if they say no they sort accommodation out for them.

If mum says she hasn't chucked him out, then he goes home, doesn't he? I was a homeless officer and this did happen; either mum shouted 'get out' and he has done so , but mum has just had enough of his silliness and didn't mean 'leave forever' , or he is trying it on. Perhaps being with his girlfriend with you looking after him is a better option than being at home. If mum tells housing needs that he hasn't been told to leave, then he won't be classed as homeless . In any case, you are within your rights to tell him to go home tonight. You don't need to get caught up with his drama.

I'm with you on that. He is still a child. Lots of suggestions from pp so hopefully you come right.

Mmm his DM could be lying as she's embarrassed by her behaviour towards her DS

I definitely think it’s worth contacting his mother, there’s every chance he’s not even been kicked out. I’ve known a few teenagers have a fall out with their parents because they’re refusing to follow reasonable house rules. They’d obviously rather bunk with their mates and girlfriends rather than live at home and have to do as they’re told. I’d have far less sympathy for someone whose parents are willing or even actually really want them to come home, but they’re too stubborn and arrogant to listen

Now that he's 16 can he be housed by the council as he's technically homeless ?

I wouldn't want him living at my house unless it was much bigger and even then it's awkward

This. Do you drive op? I’d literally say to him right now ‘I’ve spoken to your mum and she wants you home, so I’ll run you round there now’.

He’s not here at the moment but I’ve told Dd he can’t stay here tomorrow and I’ll speak to them both tomorrow about the conversation with mum. It is possible mum was embarrassed into denying she had chucked him out - but it sounds like he can go back home now.

Is he room sharing with your DD? That’s unlimited sex - you understand the implications I presume?

I'm a curious person and I'd probably drive him to his DM to see how they interact with each other. I'd also find an excuse to step inside the house to use the loo or something like that

Dd is on the pill and I knew they were having sex already. Both are 16 and have left school. I am ok with him here a couple of nights a week but that’s it.

I might drive him to his mums if he’ll agree. I just want to nest and get ready for baby and I want my own family here.

Not your problem. Him and his mother need to sort things out.

I might drive him to his mums if he’ll agree

Why are you letting a 16-year-old dictate your life and home to you?
Just do it.

You are pregnant, and as you say, nesting. You really don't need this stress in your home right now.

Glad to hear your daughter is on the pill.