AIBU to really hate people saying "You'll be fine"?

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

It feels like when someone/anyone says "You'll be fine", it either means "Shut up", or "You're being irrational"?

I guess it depends on context, but it just feels a English way of shutting one down.

And, is just being 'fine' really something to aspire towards?

Physical/mental/spiritual/financial issue? "You'll be fine".

Moribund? "You'll be fine".

🤔

I do find the dramalamas don't take well to be told they will be fine or it's ok or any kind of reassurance

They want us all catastrophising along with them

Oh the drama!!

I have to use it on my MIL or she’d never stop seeking attention moaning

I guess it depends on context, but it just feels a English way of shutting one down.

It kind of is.

Context is everything.

Physical/mental/spiritual/financial issue? "You'll be fine".

Most people would be delighted with being fine in all those areas.

Physical/mental/spiritual/financial issue? "You'll be fine".

That sounds like a LOT of issues you are sharing. Do your friends/family/others get equal time for their concerns?

If you are speaking to someone lose to you then tell them that what you need from the interaction, whether it be talking through stuff or just a moan.
If you aren't that close then you'll have to accept it's a normal thing for someone to say to you.

It’s flippant and uncaring. I would think it rather rude to say that to someone who was voicing concerns to me.

Dont worry about it. you'll be fine

Agree, do you not want to be fine or reassured? Yes, sometimes it being acknowledged that things are shit is cathartic, but would you not want to look for how to manage that?

Some people need to be shut down

I agree it can feel very dismissive. It isn’t reassuring at all.

So what would you rather people say to you instead of that?

Would you prefer it if they agreed with all your worries and worst case scenarios and simply felled your anxieties?

Would you prefer to be told you’re not going to be fine when it’s likely that you will be absolutely fine?

In any of the scenarios where you have been told "you'll be fine" did it actually end up that you weren't fine? You were severely injured or horribly scarred in some way?

Or was it a case of people simply stating a fact?

"You'll be fine" and in the end, you were actually fine?

Have you watched Inside Out? There’s a beautiful bit in that film where Sadness just sits with BingBong in his sadness and doesn’t try to jolly him out of it. My ex used to find Sadness really annoying but I found Joy more annoying with her incessant cheeriness and lack of empathy! Give it a watch.

I agree, OP. In some contexts, it can be really dismissive. If you're worrying about something and you tell someone about it, sometimes what you need to hear is good luck/hope it's OK/that sounds hard/I'd be worried too or something like that. It depends a lot on who the person you're talking to is and how well they know you I guess. I have one friend who always sounds dismissive, and another who can be really reassuring and good to talk to, without going into any great details or anything; she can just express understanding and the hope (and likelihood) that things will be fine, in a really easy way. I don't think many people are that good at it.

It goes along with "oh I wouldn't worry" or "don't worry about it" , kind of platitude, unhelpful and dismissive

Agree that it's dismissive, when people say it it usually means, "Ok you've moaned about it, I've listened and I'm ready for you to stop talking about it now" when really if they just said "I know it's rubbish, I will keep thinking of you and let me know how I can help" they'd likely get the same result but the person who was upset would feel like they have a real friend.

I say this when attention seekers feel the need to offload their never ending series of self inflicted 'dramas`

I find it dismissive too. It's what someone says if they haven't listened/understood/don't really care. It doesn't take much to say something genuinely reassuring or supportive: 'that sounds tough, I hope it goes OK, please let me know how you get on'.

Or the response, 'well its over now', when talking about something negative that happened

It's gaslighting at its finest!

“I am worried about X”, “Oh you’ll be fine”, “yes you are right I have no need to be anxious about X”. Yeah doesn’t work. I try and find nicer ways to reassure people.

Yes and 'never mind' which my mum used to say all the time if something disappointing happened. But I did mind!