AIBU to really hate people saying "You'll be fine"?

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

It feels like when someone/anyone says "You'll be fine", it either means "Shut up", or "You're being irrational"?

I guess it depends on context, but it just feels a English way of shutting one down.

And, is just being 'fine' really something to aspire towards?

Physical/mental/spiritual/financial issue? "You'll be fine".

Moribund? "You'll be fine".

🤔

The thing is that most people don’t really know what else to say.
For the most part people can’t actually help or fix whatever the problem is and you just want that person to feel a bit better.

Agreed.
Are you a) an oncologist or b) God?

I think it's disrespectful. Some of these comments about attention seeking. 🙇🏻‍♀️
Anxiety is a real thing, and be really deliberating to some people who suffer with it. "You'll be fine" is probably the worse way to deal with it. What you want to be saying is "okay, break it down what will make you feel better?"

Yes to this, and in fact, being nice about reassurance actually makes some people less likely to keep talking, as they feel listened to and heard. The dismissive stuff sometimes makes me want to go 'well you obviously didn't understand that is really IS something to worry about, this is why...' (I don't, I just don't confide in them, but then I'm not one who confides often anyway). But I think it makes lots of people keep complaining, just so that they can get a bit of understanding.

I only tend to say this to people seeking the drama and who will actually be ok, they are in fact just being dramatic

People said it to me when DH was going through diagnostics for cancer. It wasn't OK (but it was definitely a way to move the conversation on from what I was scared of).

@Mardyface

My mum does the same thing. No matter how dreadful or upsetting the situation she'll give a dismissive "never mind!". For this reason I didn't tell her directly when I miscarried or was made redundant. I was just not what I wanted to hear.

That's assuming the listener feels that they are in the place and role to help. I don't have enough to help every person I meet. And of the people I will help, I may not be able to every time. I've had friends who take and take and take.

'You'll be fine' is better than 'please stop going on about it'.

My DH says it. A bit like what’s the worst that can happen! He intends it as a cross between reassurance and humour. Sometimes I need that!!
Do people say it to you often though? Are you trying to lean on the wrong people too much with your worries?

Context is everything with this.
I would prefer "you'll be fine" to "Oh no! I knew someone who had that. He's dead now, of course, but not before all his limbs fell off and he went into multiple organ failure".

There are some people who will suck you dry if you say that. Just no.

It's really not.

I agree that it depends entirely on context. Sometimes it feels very dismissive, other times it can feel like the only thing to say.

I very rarely voice any concerns, so when I do, I really am stuck/struggling, so yes I hate it. It's rare when it happens.

However, I do agree with a previous poster that some people always seem to have drama, or struggle with things regularly. These people will usually be fine.

IP buggered off them?

I get you’ll be fine all the time, I lost my husband just over a year ago and I am really struggling with it all.
folks don’t want listen to how you are feeling and it makes them feel better if you can say you are fine.. I am not a drama queen or attention seeker. Most days I put on my best fake smile and get on with it the best I can.

FFS

OP buggered off then. Fat fingers.

It is very cold and dismissive, yes.

Or if you are Irish "sure it'll be grand"

Or the Australian 'she'll be right'.

You are right…..but I use it ALL the time

I am so very loss for your loss. One day at a time ❤️

I sometimes say this to people. It's meant to be reassuring when they're worrying unnecessarily, and normally comes with a kind tone and other words of encouragement.

I have used it rarely in a "shut up" sort of way, but only to my mother who plays the victim and catastrophises as a hobby.

I supported 2 friends through breast cancer. Took them to appointments, listened to them cry, get angry, held their hads, bought them small thoughtful gifts, was really supportive always there. When i was diagnosed, not cancer but equally serious, I was told, it'll be fine, by one friend, and not too worry by another. It wasn't helpful and I've taken a big step back from both.

a sentence designed to make the recipient feel very small…

I agree it can be very dismissive if used in an insensitive way.

Massively depends on context though:

eg 1: teen child expressing concern that they won't be able to manage the return journey back from central London: totally appropriate.

eg 2: friend going for a colonoscopy or after having learned they are being made redundant: not appropriate at all and downright cruel.