AIBU to really hate people saying "You'll be fine"?

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

It feels like when someone/anyone says "You'll be fine", it either means "Shut up", or "You're being irrational"?

I guess it depends on context, but it just feels a English way of shutting one down.

And, is just being 'fine' really something to aspire towards?

Physical/mental/spiritual/financial issue? "You'll be fine".

Moribund? "You'll be fine".

🤔

Context is king here.

and the floodgates never close…

Toxic positivity and it is dismissive and pisses me off.

In how many of the examples were you not fine in the end?

A lot of people about making assumptions/suppositions about OP's (my) current status.

@MrsTerryPratchett we weren't talking about Physical/mental/spiritual/financial issue? "You'll be fine" being and all encompassing thing. We should have done and/or for old school MNers (penis beaker salute).

I agree, depends on context ...

Drama-llama teen can't get to sleep because they've got a maths test tomorrow - "you'll be fine."

Friend who might have cancer - "you'll be fine" ... very dismissive and thoughtless."

@Salie68x this happens to me too. I can't understand why. I've given up trying to have close friendships now

I'm not sure it is better. If they want someone to stop going on about it, they might as well just say so. Or say something like 'good luck with it' and end the conversation.

I agree that not everyone is able to help; equally, not everyone wants someone trying to help. Sometimes they just want to feel heard.

The couple of people in my life who can do that easily and quickly, so that the conversation moves on with both of us happy about it, have a real skill with people I think.

It’s extraordinarily dismissive. I loath it.

I realised I used to do it until I did some training in active listening for work and jeez it’s opened my eyes. There are a million things you can say to someone when they are having a tough day/having a moan right through to being genuinely very worried about something, ‘you’ll be fine’ isn’t one of them.

Even a very small acknowledgment is 100% better. I’d rather hear ‘sounds like you’re really worried about that’ than ‘you’ll/it’ll be fine’.

Agreed, it can be a shut-down. Many people do not have the capacity to be present with another person's grief/distress/hardship. For these people it can feel safer to brush the feelings aside than to say 'I'm sorry you're going through that'.

Yeah I can't stand it either. It's my in laws and sister in law's go to phrase. I thought it seemed rather hollow all these years and they aren't particularly eloquent or emotionally intelligent at the best of times. It is probably a bit of gaslighting too.

I say this a lot, to people I don't know that well, who are moaning about things I can't quite grasp the gravity of (because to me they're not grave). It doesn't mean I lack empathy, it just means I don't get it.
To people I know well enough that I know not to say this, I would listen and make sure they felt heard. But I only have enough emotional energy to do this for a few close people. It drains me.
So maybe when you're getting upset because you feel gaslit, they're getting upset because they feel drained.
Maybe just open up to people who respond well to you?

I very rarely seek help or open up to people. The last 2 occasions I did I had this response, so I've learnt not to. It was very invalidating and confirmed my belief that a lot of people are selfish and can't be bothered. One "friend" has even stated she can't handle it if I'm stressed about something as "it's too much for her". I remember sitting and listening to her for 5 hours non stop once ranting about her ex boyfriend and trying to be supportive.

I do say this, but hopefully in the appropriate context. I would never say it to someone who is going through something awful, particular something I have no lived experience in. But then I don't have the time and mental space myself to go through a million different cognitive distortions with someone who should be dealing with it in some sort of therapy.

Sometimes it feels like you can never say the right thing though. I was told that saying something like "It sounds like you are worried" is telling someone how to feel, and that saying "I am sorry you feel so scared" is making it about yourself and your own feelings.

I find it very dismissive and invalidating when it's one of the first things a person says. Generally I am sharing my struggles with someone so I can vent and have someone empathise and validate my emotions. "You'll be fine" does the opposite of that, hence why it jars with me. If it's said towards the end of a conversation, after the initial empathy and support part has happened, that feels different to me - more like a reassurance than a dismissive thing.

This. Sometimes you don't know what to say, maybe not much can be done or you don't want to make someone feel bad!

This is similar to " don't cry ". The person doesn't know how to respond to your situation or just can't handle it
It belittles the feelings of someone who's in pain.

I was told I’d be fine by the baby boomers, both those actively screwing me over by rents and those merely watching it. Guess what. They lied. I’m on catch up now in middle age, when they had all paid their mortgages off and were contemplating retirement. So yes, it’s shorthand for shut up and let me carry on being a selfish twat at your expense.

Agreed. I worry sick about housing and where I may end up in years to come..(rent)
answers of ‘you’ll be fine’ don’t cut it!