To not want to go to the tip today?

[TipTopTurvy]

Dh doesn't drive. Today is my day off.
Dh has just announced he wants me to take some old furniture to the tip.
I dont want to, having already done 3 loads of washing - he has hung out one, tidied the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom and...its hot? Its 28 degrees here so dont fancy sitting in line to haul the furniture into smelly tip containers. Plus it's far too heavy for me to lift the other side by myself. (I have no idea if he will come. I suspect not)
I said no, it's too hot. He responded with well instant this stuff gone, and it's not that hot yet, you said so yourself. (At 7am. It's now 28 degrees)
I said I would do it on saturday, my next day off. He said no and he wants it gone today.

Fucking hell op, why oh why are.you putting up with this arsehole

You can live without him, you work, you'll get benefit help, Jesus christ, kick him out

I am so confused as to if this actually abuse tho? I mean, I did get him arrested?
Hes on the phone to his mam now, in the garden, where the neighbours can hear, telling her how he spent a night in the cells because if the lies his family told. How his trust has been broken. (He was arrested on gbh and common assault charges as dd said he had pushed and scratched her. Theres a thread somewhere about it under another name. Please don't link as I dont want the usernames connected as I am a serial name changer) apparently they nfa because according to him they said he didnt do anything. They said to me that there was no independent witnesses so who knows.

He assaulted your DD, you called the police, they arrested him.

You have NOT abused him. You reported the facts to the police. He abuses you and the DC.

It's commons amongst abusers to be guilty of DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim & offender.

If you are abusive why does he doesn't he want to leave? Get away from you and have nothing to do with you?

Please speak to woman's aid and AA. You need support and to start detaching from him emotionally and practically.

You can live separate lives under the same roof. He can walk, cycle, get a taxi and so on. Sure you can offer a lift if and when it suits you.

He is so awful that you went to the tip in this ridiculous heat to appease him yet you are accused of being being his abuser?

You didn't actually get him arrested, you called police as he was being abusive and THEY decided to arrest him. He broke your trust and everyone elses when he acted up and abused everyone.
Sounds like he's drunk now, if he's loud in the garden, defending his behaviour.
Gobshite.

He has been drinking.
Hes been signed off since March (?) I clean up the house etc. He will put the occasional wash in. Hang it up. Take it down and put t on the table for me to fold. He used to do the groceries, but for obvious reasons now doesn't.
He has had a go at me tonight. I said what does he want. Listed off a while bunch of reasons. He said he wants to make a go of our marriage as he feels we are drifting apart. What were my suggestions. So I suggested marriage counselling. He said what were we gonna get out of that? He brought up the year my second child was born, apparently i was a fruit loop. I had pnd!! That's when i changed apparently.
He says I need to do more around the house. I said when I worked evenings he came home to a clean house. Then arrived home at fine 11 and he hadnt done the dishes. He reckons this didnt happen.
Yes, the house is messy today but it's been hot, I have done two tip runs, taken dd to the shops, picked him up from the shops, dropped and collected eldest and popped into work. Also made dinner with dd, two loads of washing and tidied the kitchen. And folded other loads that were dry.
He has gone to his mates shop and done a load of washing.
He reckons I make bad decisions every day. I said no, I just put boundaries in place and you dotn like it.
He is now stalking the house taking photos of every bit i have failed at to report me to social. What goes around comes around apparently according to him.
They are already involved due to the police incident anyway.
His shit from the hotel he stayed at two weeks ago is still sitting on the bedroom floor! He has been home and I have been working full time!

Arghhhh. My heart is beating so fast.

And like a pp said, if he can no longer trust me, is SO angry at me, then why is he here??
I literally just said to him that this marriage is over.

So he expects you to do 99% of everything at home whilst working when he isn't?

What has been signed off with?

Tell him to report away to SS.

He isn't acting like someone that wants to make the marriage work, it's more like someone that wants you to put up and shut up so he can carry on drinking and doing as he wants and you run around like a headless chicken taking abuse from him.

OP Please get yourself and your kids out of this. He sounds awful, and yes he is abusive.
I know you said you can't leave for financial reasons, but you will find a way. Have you spoken with Women's Aid?

I remember your other thread. Please do what you can to get rid of him.

Signed off with depression and alcoholism

Do you want to continue living in this environment?

He's an alcoholic he will choose alcohol over you and the DC every time. He hasn't hit rock bottom.

Save your DC from living with him.

Financially, what is he bringing to the table?

Why can’t you leave him? Is this the poster who pays for everything, including the rent?

Do you really want to be with him forever more? Come on, you’re worth so much more!

I've done the sums. I cannot afford this house etc.
Plus he says he is leaving his job so no child maintenance will be forthcoming.
Plus I have looked online and all private rentals are minimum double what we pay for the mortgage.

The rental prices are literally my whole monthly wage.

You would get the housing element of UC whilst you divorced/sold the house.

You could then look at shared ownership?

You are walking on eggshells the whole time. It's so hard. My mum used to have to appease my dad like this. It's awful. The fear of them kicking off and becoming violent and aggressive is constant. I hope you can find a way to manage your finances to get away from him. It's so damaging to you and your children. I know it's hard to escape ❤️

Can you get a good solicitor and get enough out of the property say 75 percent the rest to him and buy another smaller property?