To send child away to relatives to access small class sizes?

[BelleMarionette]

Cross post from Sen board to get more replies

Currently, my DC who is 7 with autism is in a state mainstream school, and isn't coping. There are over 30 in a class, and they are finding the noise and overcrowding unbearable, and as a result are not spending any time in the classroom, due to disruptive behaviour. School time does not result in any learning as a result. They are intelligent but behind in all areas.

A private school has recently opened near a relative and they have small class sizes (under 10). It sounds ideal.

Unfortunately, logistics wouldn't work with them staying with us and attending school, so they would need to stay with relatives.

Financially, it would be a stretch, but possible.

Am I crazy to consider this?

Currently, I feel like I'm left with no option, as school is letting them down so badly.

I think it’s a bit odd that you have jumped straight to sending your child across the country and breaking the bank as the best option personally.
— apply for an ehcp now. If school aren’t being supportive then don’t wait for them just do it.

contact the class teacher for next year and talk to them now. If he is 7 is he moving into year 3? The structure of juniors may well help him.

talk to the senco outline all your concerns and question how they are going to support and what you can do at home to help.

school can call in advisors from local special schools and other services if needed.

if school aren’t meeting their needs they look at others locally one may be a better fit for him

@BelleMarionette

www.senaction.co.uk/index.cfm?task=free

Contact these for free advice. Your child has a diagnosis of ASD to they should have had a ECHP a long time ago and this will then look at the right school provision and the right support l- I.e small groups 121.

This is what I would be looking into before anything else as they will need it even at the private school.

Children on the Autistic spectrum struggle with conventional learning even if they are gifted academically. Therefore they are under the learning disability category.

Contact your Local Social Services Department who will have a Disabilities section and will be able to offer you more specific advice for the are in which you live.

I'd advise you to check out schools in your area. There may be one or two that you're not aware of which have small classes and will be much better for your DC than the current one.

My DC go to a small local school which is fantastic for SEN (DS is autistic, although doesn't need a whole lot of direct support, but they've been great with him and his confidence has grown massively). The school is a city school, but just seems to be one that falls through the gaps - there are a couple of larger better-known ones in the area, and they suck in all the pupils, I guess! But a couple of parents have transferred their kids into DS' class in the past year and they've astounded at how much better the small school is for them.

So I'd say, Google schools in your area, and take a good look at each one before you make a decision.

Also if behaviour is the main issue I can almost guarantee you’ll end up on the wrong side of a bunch of class mates’ parents. I’ve seen some horrible campaigns against children by other parents- all designed to get the “ badly behaved “ child out. I’m sorry to say it’s very often been successful. It starts off with the usual party exclusion, play dates, parents stopping all but the briefest acknowledgment, playground whispering, long holiday for the child with no play mates and then a collective parental grievance to the head of the school. The child will usually be gone fairly rapidly after this point. Parental pressure is everything at private school. These parents will be threatening to remove their own kids if the school doesn’t take action and the school can not afford to take the chance of such fee income loss. Unless it’s a really specialist school don’t chance it

Your child has a diagnosis of ASD to they should have had a ECHP a long time ago

this part isn’t true. A diagnosis on autism doesn’t automatically mean a young person will qualify for an EHCP. In this case it sounds like one needs to be applied for as a matter of urgency and their is enough evidence to mean a needs assessment is needed but that isn’t always the case

I should clarify a diagnosis of ASD with the needs the OP is outlining means they should have had an ECHP a long time ago. School should have never dismissed it as behaviour- that's so damaging to a child x

How does the child feel about being sent away to school to live with relatives? How far from you would they be? How often would you be able to visit?

Is there a Pupil Referral Unit near you or something similar? We have these where I live and they are specifically to help children with behaviour issues, particularly those with ASD or ADHD. Typically the child would spend 2 or 3 days per week with the PRU and the remainder of the week at their mainstream school. In rare cases, the child would go to the PRU full time.but that only happens if they are at risk of permanent exclusion. The classes at the PRU are smaller (usually around 5 or 6 per class and no more than 8). It might be worth speaking to your school to see if they can refer your child to one of these units as you may find it will help your child enormously.

Only thing I'd think is would you not miss them? Other than that if they are happy there why not?

@Incywincyspi @FlyingPandas
massively depends on the school. Both prep schools my daughter and the one my sons went to, were great with mild SEN. Small class sizes and a willingness to adapt and try things if one approach isn’t working.
the state schools my eldest attended are far worse.

What are the school doing to support your child?

Obviously I don't know the triggers for the challenging behaviour or how this presents in the classroom, but they should certainly be putting things in place to support him.

If he is out of the classroom a lot I assume that he must have some TA support as otherwise he would be sitting by himself all day?

If he needs help regulating his emotions have they tried Zones of Regulation? If he is struggling to articulate his feelings, Art Therapy or similar might give him a calm space to open up.

I suppose I feel that the school could be doing more but maybe all of this has failed and he is more suited to specialist provision.

Are there any smaller schools with smaller classes in your area, preferably ones who welcome SEN children and feel that they could meet need? I would do that before sending him away.

I really appreciate the replies, even if it is difficult reading.

The triggers, as far as I know, is being in a noisy and overcrowded classroom.

I'm not sure what to ask for, apart from a 1 to 1 and working outside the classroom?

I will discuss with school EHCP and either them committing to applying this week, or I will apply.

I'm open to a special school, if there was an appropriate provision, but again I know it's not easy to access, and an EHCP will be needed first.

As long as it is not a typical private school.

They may not have the patience for the disruptive behaviour and I suspect that the move from school and home will interfere with his sensory overload.

I'd search out a public sn school or home school him.
I know it seems impossible.

OP - you need a proper meeting with your son’s school.

My son had a diagnosis of ASD in Reception and his EHCP wasn’t in place until the start of Year 4 (Covid obviously delayed the information gathering).

However he had support put in from the start of his difficulties - more TA support, movement breaks, ability to spend time with SENCO etc.

You son’s school have done a woeful job and I’d focus on that now.

I'm not sure what to ask for, apart from a 1 to 1 and working outside the classroom?

A good place to start would be a meeting with the SENCo. Ask them what they are putting in place so support your dc. What reasonable adjustments are they making? How are they using the money within their budget that is already there to support children with SEND.

The fact (s)he has autism does not automatically indicate they need an EHCP, but it does make it pretty clear that the school should be making adjustments.

If the school haven't done Autism training, then that is something to ask for.

Then I would ask for the LA's Autism support Team to offer some advice and strategies.
If (s)he is being overwhelmed in the classroom EVERY DAY then it is incumbent on the school to reduce the sensory overload your dc is experiencing.

Is it easy ? No
Is it possible ? Yes.

If you get no joy from the school, then contact your LA and explain that your dc is being excluded from the classroom on a daily basis and the school have told you there is nothing they can do. That WILL be responded to.

You need to just find a small school closer to you.

I had exactly the same issue. Asked on FB for advice for a decent small school that could cope with SEN. Was suggested a school I had never heard of, only 5 miles away. It's absolutely perfect.

You will probably find the solution is a lot lot closer than you think .

No way should he be sent away - that will not work. Also private schools are crap at dealing with SEN.

Whereabouts in the UK are you?

What relatives are they?

You need to check whether it comes under private fostering regs.

does your DC have any diagnosis?
I would speak to send schools near you (assuming there are any).
You may be able to join the send school without ehcp or a formal diagnosis.

My DC had a diagnosis but no ehcp prior to attending a specialist school. The send school picked up on other issues during the trial day that no one else did.
Once at the specialist school I applied for an ehcp with the help of a solicitor and support from the school.

I relocated for the school there was no option for us locally.

Send school without an EHCP? How does this work, did you fund it yourself?

Current diagnosis is autism. They are extremely obvious sensory issues as well. Possible ADHD.

I'm deliberately being vague regarding the relatives relationship and location in the UK, but can pm.

If you could move so child could attend this school great. It won't help your 7 year old to be sent away no matter how good your intentions. Children who are unhappy don't learn. If your child has additional needs they need you even more.

Your DC is just 7.
Chill out 😉
One of mine has ASD, at 7 we were focusing on just having a nice time. She has 2 degrees now.
If it's in him he will learn, if it isn't you will make him ill by pushing him to fit the mould.
In your situation I'd save the £20k a year school fees for him and give him £200k+ to start a business with when he's older or put a deposit on a house.
At 7, his place at the top or bottom of the class, is of no relevance whatsoever.

Yabvu.

You'd need an EHCP to get them into a special school. Have you tried ear defenders? You can get small in ear ones so that others won't be able to see and take the micky.