To send child away to relatives to access small class sizes?

[BelleMarionette]

Cross post from Sen board to get more replies

Currently, my DC who is 7 with autism is in a state mainstream school, and isn't coping. There are over 30 in a class, and they are finding the noise and overcrowding unbearable, and as a result are not spending any time in the classroom, due to disruptive behaviour. School time does not result in any learning as a result. They are intelligent but behind in all areas.

A private school has recently opened near a relative and they have small class sizes (under 10). It sounds ideal.

Unfortunately, logistics wouldn't work with them staying with us and attending school, so they would need to stay with relatives.

Financially, it would be a stretch, but possible.

Am I crazy to consider this?

Currently, I feel like I'm left with no option, as school is letting them down so badly.

Small schools can also be harder for social reasons. Even if the school has an equal number of boys and girls, that's a tiny pool of friends to choose from. Having a problem with another child would mean the problem is amplified - you can't ask to switch to the other class and everybody will know your business.

I think that you should talk to the school and see what their approach to SN is. It's very possible that they will need to charge you for a 1 to 1 on top of fees.

Yes Tigo, it's not a 'typical' private school, and details of their offering seem really attractive, and I believe would be helpful.

My child can be wonderfully engaged 121 or in small groups, but struggles in large groups.

Your child is 7 and you're prepared to send them away ro live somewhere else with somebody else.

This is one of the most unreasonable ideas EVER.
It will totally fuck the poor cild up for the rest of their life.

You don't need to talk to the school, you can apply for an EHCP yourself. In fact I'd recommend it in this instance as they have clearly been underplaying your DC's challenges.

With an autistic child already more vulnerable to trauma I would not personally want to remove them from home life.

Home is the only place my ND children feel safe. Removing that from them could result in attachment issues (one already has this), trauma, trust issues etc.

Any Semh schools in your area?

We don't have an EHCP. I am talking to the school about applying for one. I have had years of being told there was no issue by the school, when quite clearly there was.

You know you can apply for an EHCP as parents ?
If your child isn't able to access the classroom, then that is pretty good evidence right there.
Even if you are in a not very supportive authority, then at the very least, the LA would direct them to access some Autism Training and advice on how they could make reasonable adjustments.

Get in touch with IPSEA . They have model letters, and all sorts of advice.

The idea of sending your 7 yr old away to live with relatives is bonkers - even without their autism.
The idea of a Private school accepting a child who is too disruptive to remain in the classroom is also incredibly unlikely IME (and I'd be delighted if someone comes along to say they know of Private schools that do...)

Apply for an EHCP anyway. Can't hurt. Find out how the private school would support it / carry it out if needed. I would suggest a private educational psychologist report...

Also you wouldn't know it at first but there are quite a few alternative schools/ provisions within an hour of me - once you dig around you may find more schools like this locally or in a more affordable area.

What is this?

You don't seem to have done your research here and are skipping some major steps...out of desperation I'm sure. The school is letting your family down and should be advising and supporting you but it's a huge jump to just send him away.

Thank you for the suggestions. I have told by the council that it's better if the application comes from the school. I will see if the school will apply soon, if not then I will, but the process will still be long, and in the meantime I have a child who is accessing no learning.

There are legal timeframes for echp. Look at ipsea or sen sos for examples. Apply now and ask the school for supporting letter. Your heading into school holidays so that's a 6 week jump you can get now.
You can use likes of nessy at home or word hornet for reading. Similar programmes for maths

Unless the school that you are talking about is specifically for children with autism or SEMH (social emotional and mental health) then I'd say you'd be taking an enormous risk just on the off chance that smaller class sizes might be better for your child. I also have an autistic child, and although the noise and the number of children in the class were a big factor in his inability to learn at school, it wasn't just that. It was also the structure of the school day, the number of adults he needed to remember, the bigger kids in the playground, and most of all just the demands of doing things that he didn't want to do and wasn't interested in. He's gone from attending mainstream in year 2, to being told even specialist ASD schools can't meet his needs in year 3. You might find this new school can't meet his needs either.
Also, I've got a few (neurotypical) friends who were sent to boarding school at age 7 who still talk about the trauma of being left by their parents at such a young age. You are taking a risk of permanently damaging your relationship with your child who is potentially quite vulnerable emotionally already? Wouldn't you miss him? Is this school so much better than any other school that it's worth possibly making your child feel abandoned?

I have told by the council that it's better if the application comes from the school. I will see if the school will apply soon, if not then I will, but the process will still be long,

An application which goes in where everyone agrees - school, parents, other professionals - does have an edge, but the LA are legally obliged to act upon a Parental request. The fact you have said (s)he isn't even attending lessons is clearly something the school will have to respond to.

Honestly, get in touch with IPSEA. this is exactly what they exist for. Obviously any poster that replies might be really knowledgeable or any one of us could be spouting rubbish, but if you get some advice from IPSEA you will know where you stand.

What do you think it would do to him, emotionally, being sent away?

my son is autistic and the thought fills me with horror

you’d be swapping one problem for another.

Also, it is possible for the school to provide a 1:1 without an EHCP. The school would be expected to fund the first £6000 (not sure if this is correct number) of any provision themselves anyway, and they can apply for "higher needs block funding" while you go through the very lengthy EHCP process. My son had a 1:1 for months before his EHCP was granted because he couldn't cope without. It does sound like your school isn't as supportive as they could be though. A less dramatic step could just be to talk to other local schools to see if they could meet his needs.

Is it possible to move to another school near you? Smaller village schools often have smaller classes and cater for individual needs well. I have a friend who did exactly this

There are special schools which cater for academically able children with SEN, e.g. More House.

If your child cannot access the classroom he clearly qualifies for an EHCP, and you should get on with applying for one yourself. If you leave it to the school it could take ages before they even start the process. There's useful information on SOS SEN's and IPSEA's websites, and SOS SEN sells some very helpful booklets.

Apply for an echp, and look into local independent specialist schools (these usually are the best option for academically able sen children) and then try and get it named on their ehcp

Yup.
This

Apologies to the person I just quoted there - just realise I did read the original post wrong. My fault.

It helps if the school supports the application, but the legal criteria are the same whichever of you submits the application. If they refuse, appeal - it's relatively easy and over 90% of appeals against refusal to assess (the first stage of the process) are conceded by councils or won by parents.

Don’t assume the private school
will accept or welcome an autistic child. My 5 yo autistic son was removed from a supposedly inclusive and academically unremarkable prep in Reception. He’s not the only one to be removed from there.

Private schools generally don’t want SEN children.

What do the school say when you say he's accessing no learning?

What are they actually doing about it?

Yes an EHCP makes it a legal requirement - but they have an obligation to meet a child's needs regardless.

You need to come down hard on them now (if you haven't already) to see their plan in place for next year and if no joy, go to the LA or OFSTED.

Start gathering evidence of him not accessing learning. Ask to see and take photos of his workbooks.

You could ask the LA about EOTAS in meantime while you wait for EHCP process. You're right, it's meant to be 20 weeks but can take much longer. Unfortunately the system is stacked against you. But possibly easier to get EHCP at his current school than at private school. Def talk to the private school before making any decisions.

I don't think that moving your child to a relative is the answer.

To begin with, private schools are principally businesses, with parents being their customers.

I know of one private school that has recently 'managed out ' two children, on the basis that the school was unable to meet their needs. In one case, the child was bullying other children and in the second case, the child had SEN.

A better solution would be to move to an area with a good state school, where your child could be supported by a 1 to 1 TA, if they have an ECHP in place.