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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a tattoo

72 replies

Pinklady245612 · 17/07/2022 14:58

I really want two new tattoo's - I have two already but are both very covered unless I'm in a bikini. The two I want would be much easier to see - one on my forearm and one on my shoulder.

The AIBU - my oldest friend asked me to be best woman at his wedding next summer. I know he isn't a fan of tattoo's especially on women. No dresses have been chosen yet so depending on style the shoulder one may not be seen, but I highly doubt the one on my arm will be covered.

AIBU to consider getting the tattoo's now or should I wait a year, knowing I'll be in several of their photo's?

YABU - just wait, it's only a year
YANBU - your body, just get them done now

OP posts:
yonce · 17/07/2022 15:05

I'll get flamed - I also hate tattoos on women! And men tbh.

My sister is heavily tattooed (think arms down to wrists / legs including ankles!) and I had her as a bridesmaid at my wedding. Tbh I picked a floor length dress and a wrap that covered to the elbow partly due to the weather and partly due to this.

I'd never have asked her not to get any more tattoos before the wedding, she gets them for her and not for anyone else - me not liking tattoos is my issue, not hers. Whether or not I approve / like them, she loves them and they're part of her, she was happy to wear a wrap (and tbh all the other bridesmaids with no tattoos did too!) for the photos as she knows I'd prefer it.

Your oldest friend should understand this, however if you're nervous surely you can have a chat with them?

Viostep · 17/07/2022 15:05

It's your body, so it's entirely up to you. It doesn't matter what his opinion of tattoos are (especially on women, wtf). Do you think he'll turn all groomzilla on you and kick off?

OneCup · 17/07/2022 15:09

I would go ahead regardless but would let him know.

Luidaeg · 17/07/2022 15:43

Your body, your choice. That said, if you're not in a rush to get it done, why not wait?

I give blood, and wanted to get a piercing, and you have to wait x weeks before you can give again, so I went for the giving blood apt, then straight round to get the piercing done to be able to give blood again as soon as possible

slashlover · 17/07/2022 15:46

If you want more tattoos then get them. You can buy camouflage style makeup to cover them if your friend isn't happy.

musicforthesoul · 17/07/2022 15:48

Your body, your choice. If you already have your ideas all sorted and are on the tattoo artists waiting list then I'd just go ahead.

If you're more in the musing stage and haven't got any firm ideas yet then I'd focus on getting the shoulder one sorted first then possibly wait for the arm one depending on how close it is to the wedding. By the time you've saved up/booked in to have it done you may be a lot closer to the wedding date anyway so it wouldn't feel like a big postponement.

Sapphirejane · 17/07/2022 15:53

Get them if you want them. If they are close enough to want you to be their best woman, the tattoos shouldn’t matter more than you fulfilling that role. I am a bit hmm at the whole sexist “doesn’t like tattoos on women” though.

FT123456 · 17/07/2022 15:57

Female here with quite a few visible tattoos - if the tattoo is something you want, get it as other as said your body your choice :)

ThreeLittleDots · 17/07/2022 15:58

Your body, your choice. I have two easily visible and couldn't care less if anyone doesn't like them.

alphapie · 17/07/2022 16:32

I'd honestly wait, for the sake of a year it's not worth upsetting close friends over.

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

It's incredibly frustrating when members of the wedding party do things to their appearance that will cause issues with the overall look of the party, it causes stress and esp as you know his views it would be a bit shit to just get some more for the sake of it.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

heattreat · 17/07/2022 17:14

alphapie · 17/07/2022 16:32

I'd honestly wait, for the sake of a year it's not worth upsetting close friends over.

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

It's incredibly frustrating when members of the wedding party do things to their appearance that will cause issues with the overall look of the party, it causes stress and esp as you know his views it would be a bit shit to just get some more for the sake of it.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

You must be kidding, your bridesmaid couldn't have curly hair....

What a massive bridezilla!!

That's probably one of worst things I've heard!

PlanetNormal · 17/07/2022 17:20

Your body, your choice, obviously. But I think it would be a lovely thoughtful gesture for you to wait until after the wedding.

slashlover · 17/07/2022 17:22

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

Waiting to TTC is insane.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

You're a shitty friend BTW, you made a BM straighten her newly permed hair, therefore damaging it more?

Sapphirejane · 17/07/2022 17:23

I’ve never understood the need for everyone to look a certain uniform way at weddings. I just wanted photos of my nearest and dearest feeling their best and having a good time.

Original poster
Pinklady245612 · 17/07/2022 17:23

Viostep · 17/07/2022 15:05

It's your body, so it's entirely up to you. It doesn't matter what his opinion of tattoos are (especially on women, wtf). Do you think he'll turn all groomzilla on you and kick off?

No I don't think he'll go groomzilla on me, that's definitely not his style. I just know that he'll not like them on me overall and so wasn't sure if I should take this into consideration

OP posts:
Palamon · 17/07/2022 17:23

If you like tattoos, get them.

Your friend can choose to put you in something that covers them. This is what I would do.

bambi1132 · 17/07/2022 17:25

It's your body your choice. I personally love tattoos. However if it really matters to him there is makeup that can cover them up

AbreathofFrenchair · 17/07/2022 17:26

Pinklady245612 · 17/07/2022 14:58

I really want two new tattoo's - I have two already but are both very covered unless I'm in a bikini. The two I want would be much easier to see - one on my forearm and one on my shoulder.

The AIBU - my oldest friend asked me to be best woman at his wedding next summer. I know he isn't a fan of tattoo's especially on women. No dresses have been chosen yet so depending on style the shoulder one may not be seen, but I highly doubt the one on my arm will be covered.

AIBU to consider getting the tattoo's now or should I wait a year, knowing I'll be in several of their photo's?

YABU - just wait, it's only a year
YANBU - your body, just get them done now

Your body, your choice.

People can be quite sneery about tattoos and have this weird thing where it seems like they think that passing their opinion of how much they hate them makes them better than you.

If he's a proper friend then he wants you there regardless. If he doesn't because of tattoos, then maybe he isnt a good a friend as you think?

Original poster
Pinklady245612 · 17/07/2022 17:27

Thanks for the views everyone. I think I've decided that as a first port of call I'm going to get some camouflage make up (totally forgot that existed, thanks to the poster who mentioned it). I can try it out on my current tattoo's and if it works well I don't see why I can't get them done if I'm willing to cover up on the day - will mention the plan to the groom so he's aware. If the make up isn't great I'll have another think

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 17/07/2022 17:31

alphapie · 17/07/2022 16:32

I'd honestly wait, for the sake of a year it's not worth upsetting close friends over.

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

It's incredibly frustrating when members of the wedding party do things to their appearance that will cause issues with the overall look of the party, it causes stress and esp as you know his views it would be a bit shit to just get some more for the sake of it.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

Omg. I hope the friend is no longer a friend.

AbreathofFrenchair · 17/07/2022 17:35

alphapie · 17/07/2022 16:32

I'd honestly wait, for the sake of a year it's not worth upsetting close friends over.

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

It's incredibly frustrating when members of the wedding party do things to their appearance that will cause issues with the overall look of the party, it causes stress and esp as you know his views it would be a bit shit to just get some more for the sake of it.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

Are you kidding me?!

You are bonkers 😂😂

stinkingheat · 17/07/2022 17:35

alphapie · 17/07/2022 16:32

I'd honestly wait, for the sake of a year it's not worth upsetting close friends over.

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

It's incredibly frustrating when members of the wedding party do things to their appearance that will cause issues with the overall look of the party, it causes stress and esp as you know his views it would be a bit shit to just get some more for the sake of it.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

This is awful, why on earth would you do it to your friend?! Surely you want your bridesmaids to feel happy, confident, and part of your day? I can't imagine telling my curly haired bridesmaid that it didn't suit my day, I wanted her to have her hair the way that made her feel most comfortable. This is not the point of the thread but so unreasonable and baffling

Mally100 · 17/07/2022 17:42

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 17/07/2022 17:31

Omg. I hope the friend is no longer a friend.

Show quote history

I have noticed this op posting these types of responses on threads Hmm

wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:06

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

Yeah your sympathy should really be with the paid hairdresser here rather than your friend who you probably made feel shit on top of trying to control 🙄

I think based on this and previous posts elsewhere at the moment they're on a wind up but maybe I'm just being cynical.

howshouldibehave · 17/07/2022 18:09

say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

Really?!! Your poor bridesmaid