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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a tattoo

72 replies

Pinklady245612 · 17/07/2022 14:58

I really want two new tattoo's - I have two already but are both very covered unless I'm in a bikini. The two I want would be much easier to see - one on my forearm and one on my shoulder.

The AIBU - my oldest friend asked me to be best woman at his wedding next summer. I know he isn't a fan of tattoo's especially on women. No dresses have been chosen yet so depending on style the shoulder one may not be seen, but I highly doubt the one on my arm will be covered.

AIBU to consider getting the tattoo's now or should I wait a year, knowing I'll be in several of their photo's?

YABU - just wait, it's only a year
YANBU - your body, just get them done now

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:12

Genuine question @alphapie why didn't you want a BM to have a perm at your wedding if that's the hairstyle they wanted at that time in their life?

Did they all have to have matching hair?

If so... why?!

pinkyredrose · 17/07/2022 18:12

alphapie · 17/07/2022 16:32

I'd honestly wait, for the sake of a year it's not worth upsetting close friends over.

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

It's incredibly frustrating when members of the wedding party do things to their appearance that will cause issues with the overall look of the party, it causes stress and esp as you know his views it would be a bit shit to just get some more for the sake of it.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

Agog at your post and the lengths you went to to make sure the weddings were 'perfect',

I wish more people would realise that the wedding is just one day, they've got the rest of thier married lives together, that's the important part, not styled photos.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 17/07/2022 18:15

If he doesn't want you as a bridesmaid because of a tattoo, then he's not as good a friend as you think he is.

And the woman who made her friend get her perm straightened to be a bridesmaid is, frankly, fucking bonkers imo.

allieyen · 17/07/2022 18:15

Yanbu - I'd get one now if that's what you want. It would be unreasonable of anyone to expect you to do otherwise.

WhackingPhoenix · 17/07/2022 18:20

If your friend loves you for who you are, he won’t (or shouldn’t) care how you look.

I’m a bridesmaid for my best friend in September and was planning to put a pale pinkish toner on my hair this week (I didn’t in the end) but I ran it by her first and her response was “why the fuck would you even ask?! You could turn up bald and I wouldn’t care!” Smile

Luidaeg · 17/07/2022 18:28

WhackingPhoenix · 17/07/2022 18:20

If your friend loves you for who you are, he won’t (or shouldn’t) care how you look.

I’m a bridesmaid for my best friend in September and was planning to put a pale pinkish toner on my hair this week (I didn’t in the end) but I ran it by her first and her response was “why the fuck would you even ask?! You could turn up bald and I wouldn’t care!” Smile

Your friend is amazing

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:29

@heattreat not with her cut no

She cut it short, and with a perm looked more mad professor than bridesmaid.

So it was straightened out so it could be done up. There was no moving it if it wasn't flatter.

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:31

slashlover · 17/07/2022 17:22

I waited to start TTC so I could be the most present MOH possible for my friend, I see this as no different.

Waiting to TTC is insane.

I say this as someone who had to pay extra to get a BMs newly permed hair straightened, as despite promising they wouldn't get it done before the wedding, they went and got a perm 2 weeks prior. Took the poor hairdresser 4x as long to do one girls hair.

You're a shitty friend BTW, you made a BM straighten her newly permed hair, therefore damaging it more?

Not a friend, family but yes.

She promised she wouldn't get a perm, her hair length meant with a perm it couldn't be done as an up-do

She had the choice to not be in the wedding party or get the perm straightened out on the day, her choice.

Thefriendlymoth · 17/07/2022 18:32

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:29

@heattreat not with her cut no

She cut it short, and with a perm looked more mad professor than bridesmaid.

So it was straightened out so it could be done up. There was no moving it if it wasn't flatter.

Is that your opinion of how her hair looked or what she thought? 😬

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:33

wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:12

Genuine question @alphapie why didn't you want a BM to have a perm at your wedding if that's the hairstyle they wanted at that time in their life?

Did they all have to have matching hair?

If so... why?!

Due to the length of her hair, with a perm it couldn't be done up. I wasn't going to have one BM with shit looking hair that couldn't even be manipulated into the same style as the others. Looked more mad professor than bridesmaid.

She was given the option, come as a guest or get the perm straightened out, she chose the latter.

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:35

@Thefriendlymoth my opinion, DHs opinion, her parents opinion.

Many were relieved when it was straightened out, she didn't get it permed again after either, liked the way it looked fully straightened and has had Brazilian blow drys ever since

wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:38

@alphapie

She had the choice to not be in the wedding party or get the perm straightened out on the day, her choice.

Mate, it's hair. Just hair. You sound like a bully.

I bet she spent the whole day feeling like shit after being bollocked by you into the hairdresser straightening out her perm like a mum would make a rebellious teenager wash out dye.

It's sad that what your bridesmaids hair looked like on the day was literally more important to you than them being in your wedding party.

I imagined you banged on about it for ages afterwards too as you still seem to think your behaviour was in any way normal!

wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:41

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:35

@Thefriendlymoth my opinion, DHs opinion, her parents opinion.

Many were relieved when it was straightened out, she didn't get it permed again after either, liked the way it looked fully straightened and has had Brazilian blow drys ever since

"Many were relieved" 😂

It was a perm being straightened out, not confirmation murder charges were dropped.

What a lovely bunch you all must be to be going on between each other about someone else's hair. An adult with full autonomy over their own body.

Anyway, don't want to derail OP's thread. Just can't believe anyone would think that was reasonable re the perm but I'm heartened to see the only person who seems to think it was reasonable to make a BM get it straightened on the day at the bride's behest, under threat of losing their place as BM (think I'd have been relieved by that point tbh) is the bride who did so.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 17/07/2022 18:42

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:31

Not a friend, family but yes.

She promised she wouldn't get a perm, her hair length meant with a perm it couldn't be done as an up-do

She had the choice to not be in the wedding party or get the perm straightened out on the day, her choice.

Show quote history

I honestly would have told you to shove the straighteners up your arse. Family or not. I am shocked there are actually people like you in the world.

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:42

wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:38

@alphapie

She had the choice to not be in the wedding party or get the perm straightened out on the day, her choice.

Mate, it's hair. Just hair. You sound like a bully.

I bet she spent the whole day feeling like shit after being bollocked by you into the hairdresser straightening out her perm like a mum would make a rebellious teenager wash out dye.

It's sad that what your bridesmaids hair looked like on the day was literally more important to you than them being in your wedding party.

I imagined you banged on about it for ages afterwards too as you still seem to think your behaviour was in any way normal!

She spent the day feeling the exact opposite but don't let facts get in the way of your weird opinion on people you don't know

WhackingPhoenix · 17/07/2022 18:43

Luidaeg · 17/07/2022 18:28

Your friend is amazing

Show quote history

She is pretty wonderful 🥰

wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:47

@alphapie

My weird opinion? You realise you're the only person who thinks what you did was normal / acceptable / kind etc? Everyone else who posted in response was genuinely shocked and thought it was odd / unacceptable / unkind etc? Even after that... you don't think that might mean your opinion is the strange one?

And yes she is a stranger to me. But you clearly didn't know her that well after all if she did something you thought was so unreasonable in the day of your wedding...

Have a good evening!

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:50

wellhelloitsme · 17/07/2022 18:47

@alphapie

My weird opinion? You realise you're the only person who thinks what you did was normal / acceptable / kind etc? Everyone else who posted in response was genuinely shocked and thought it was odd / unacceptable / unkind etc? Even after that... you don't think that might mean your opinion is the strange one?

And yes she is a stranger to me. But you clearly didn't know her that well after all if she did something you thought was so unreasonable in the day of your wedding...

Have a good evening!

Yes, your weird opinion.

She liked how it looked, so much so she hasn't had a perm in the many years since and has had Brazilian blow drys to have straighter hair.

It was a phase, coincided with her going vegan and wearing dungarees, all of which ended around the same time.

StingrayStingray · 17/07/2022 19:01

WhackingPhoenix · 17/07/2022 18:20

If your friend loves you for who you are, he won’t (or shouldn’t) care how you look.

I’m a bridesmaid for my best friend in September and was planning to put a pale pinkish toner on my hair this week (I didn’t in the end) but I ran it by her first and her response was “why the fuck would you even ask?! You could turn up bald and I wouldn’t care!” Smile

@Pinklady245612 Get your tattoos if you want them.

One of my bridesmaids tried to dye the tips of her hair to match our wedding colour and it went bright bubblegum pink instead! Grin It was a fantastic accident, she looked great and I loved it! I can't imagine being so strict about the all important "look", it was important to us that the bridal party and groomsmen were happy and comfortable.

Men who loudly make known their likes and dislikes about what they think women should look like/say/act/be/do give me the shudders

Harridance · 17/07/2022 19:13

Do you hate vegans and dungarees as well?

alphapie · 17/07/2022 19:17

Harridance · 17/07/2022 19:13

Do you hate vegans and dungarees as well?

Nope, it's called context. She was going through a first year at an art school phase. Just left home, went fully 'hemp'

My wedding, my money paying for it, my choices 🤷‍♀️

Harridance · 17/07/2022 19:23

Fair enough, im amazed people want stuff to match so much at weddings

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 17/07/2022 19:27

alphapie · 17/07/2022 19:17

Nope, it's called context. She was going through a first year at an art school phase. Just left home, went fully 'hemp'

My wedding, my money paying for it, my choices 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

No. That's a shameful view. Ok to outfits, but even then I think the wearer should have a say. I hope you don't have kids.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 17/07/2022 19:31

@alphapie
Every word you say here makes you sound worse. Your 'friend' should've told you to stick the straighteners where the sun doesn't shine. You really do sound horrible/controlling/batshit.

heattreat · 17/07/2022 19:37

alphapie · 17/07/2022 18:35

@Thefriendlymoth my opinion, DHs opinion, her parents opinion.

Many were relieved when it was straightened out, she didn't get it permed again after either, liked the way it looked fully straightened and has had Brazilian blow drys ever since

Nah! You're making that bollocks up!!! No one on the world is that fucking awful to do that to a bridesmaid!

No way ever!

Did you pick only "beautiful" on the outside people to be bridesmaids?