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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask whether you have ever had a man get nasty after being rejected?

95 replies

Heytheredeliah · 17/07/2022 14:43

I have rejected a few guys who obviously have a crush on me. Not in a nasty way, but just made it very clear the I am not interested in them. Most of them take it well and just don't pursue it any further, but I had one guy who was very nasty to me after I rejected him.

AIBU to ask whether you have ever had a man get nasty after being rejected?

OP posts:
ElegantlyTouched · 17/07/2022 16:38

Not nasty but I did have one throw a strop. Have never spoken to him sense though we were good friends up to that point.

Pyewhacket · 17/07/2022 16:39

No, but I had a woman get really shitty. In fact she threatened me. I was 18.

DOBARDAN · 17/07/2022 16:40

Yes, a few times.

(1) I rejected him after around two months only to find out that he had somehow taken my card details at some point, without my knowledge or permission, then proceeded to use to his benefit by purchasing things online.

(2) This time it was he who eventually ended our 3 year relationship together. He was a drunken, entitled, mysogynist who liked to make fun of me and was forever telling me how ugly I was and pointed out lots of flaws on my body, as if I was deliberately disappointing him.

I was very relieved he broke up with me and thought, as he had ended it, I wouldn't be getting any trouble. Wrong. He constantly phoned all hours of the day and night trying to sweet talk his way round to us seeing each other again. He also came to my house, ringing the doorbell for ages, but I wouldn't answer. Then he tried to make me jealous by declaring he was seeing another woman and how well they were getting on, and if I didn't quickly change my mind about him, he would be getting together with the other woman and never contact me again! Haha, yes, he said it as a threat! I then told him, whatever the outcome was with his new lady, to never call me again.

Thankfully my landline phone provider provided me with a new number after a little while.

(3) This one was the scariest. I broke up with him after 3 months. He was all kinds of horrible during the time I knew him, I can't even bring myself to type how horrible. In any case, I called it a day and he seemed pretty ok with it at first. Then came the harassing emails, the criminal damage to my property, and the fire which was deliberately started at my property too. The police were involved.

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup you are not ugly, but the men who say you are, are ugly. Men say these kinds of things to women for different reasons, but never is the reason because you are ugly.

Do not believe them

Heytheredeliah · 17/07/2022 16:44

TenoringBehind · 17/07/2022 16:37

I was raped by a guy (my boss’s boss) who threatened to blackmail me if I didn’t let him have sex with me.

That is awful x

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 17/07/2022 16:54

Not nasty, no. But I've had a few I couldn't shake off with a shitty stick.
Desperation and a lack of self-respect are so unattractive.

Heatherjayne1972 · 17/07/2022 16:54

Oh yes apparently I have ‘mental health issues’ because I ditched him after 3 months
actually ALL women do according to him

EmeraldShamrock1 · 17/07/2022 17:00

Yes random men.

I had an abusive ex.
I also had a stalker too that was completely delusional.

When I moved back to the area pregnant with my 2nd child happy and settled the stalker sent flowers for me and a gift for DD to my new job.

He heard I was back around.

I reported him to the police. I haven't seen him since. It was a 3 week relationship, the man is not normal.

He doesn't know where I live, I'm not on SM.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 17/07/2022 17:06

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup The men who say these horrible things are ugly, with the lowest intelligence.
Only awful people act like they have.

@TenoringBehind I'm sorry 😞

TenoringBehind · 17/07/2022 17:12

It’s fine. It was 20 years ago and feels like another life time.

Classica · 17/07/2022 17:19

One of those universal experiences I'd say.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 17/07/2022 18:04

there is one that stands out... it was vile and scary

fghj149 · 17/07/2022 18:11

This happened to me, I fancied him and rejected him by accident when I was 15, then he wasn’t really nasty but some of his friends were, then years down the line he becomes a mutual friend with one of my friends! So many an awkward situation have occurred since the rejection. 🤣

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 17/07/2022 18:12

Yeah loads before I met DH.

'Fucking bitch, should be grateful someone asked you.'

'Fucking lesbian/frigid etc etc...'

'Your loss.'

'I was only seeing how desperate you are you fucking cunt, as IF I'd date YOU.'

'It's the best offer YOU'LL ever get you ugly cunt.'

'I was only joking anyway. It's fuck a fat chick week, so that's why I asked you.' (I was 9 and half stone and a size 12.)

As a pp said, I would imagine most women have had nasty things said to them after turning a man down.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 17/07/2022 18:15

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 17/07/2022 18:04

there is one that stands out... it was vile and scary

I have one that stands out from when I was 19, and walking home alone from the pub after spending the night with friends. I don't want to talk about it on here, but let's just say I feared for my life, and was scared to walk alone - even in daylight for about 2 or 3 years.

Flowers for you, and every woman made to feel scared and vulnerable by a horrible man who was rejected by them.

Jedsnewstar · 17/07/2022 18:19

A few. Been called a slut, lesbian, bitch all sorts. Mostly in clubs but not always.

djdkdkddkek · 17/07/2022 18:21

Yeah
sneering, silent treatments/sulking, but nothing frightening

tho I used to just give my number out because I was scared to say no (was a me thing rather than a them thing). Then I’d just block them as soon as I knew it was them
stupid I know

badgerbognor · 17/07/2022 18:22

Fimofriend · 17/07/2022 15:25

Who hasn't?

This.

In Scotland, often accompanied by ' English Bitch!'

allieyen · 17/07/2022 18:23

Pre DH, so a good few years ago.

One person I rejected as I had a boyfriend already (but I didn't find him attractive in any way even if I hadn't had a boyfriend) and apparently that wasn't a good enough excuse and he accused me of being a lesbian.

Another I met for a kind of pre date for coffee turned out to be really strange talking about dominance so I made my excuses and left immediately. He emailed persisting and I had to be quite firm that I wasn't interested in him or any of that.

00deed1988 · 17/07/2022 18:23

Yep. I was a bit overweight back in the days when clubbing ect. If someone tried it on and I wasn't interested then I would usually get called some variation of fat. If I then said something along the lines of "not so fat you wanted me 1 minute ago" they would then go on to say they only did because they thought I would be easy, I should be grateful ect. Meh, so glad those days are behind me!

DrManhattan · 17/07/2022 18:24

Yes

Guys in pubs chatting you up, paying you compliments then the moment you say you aren't interested they become awful. I honestly don't get it. Why do they do this? Very strange behaviour

allieyen · 17/07/2022 18:24

Reading the thread looks like being called a lesbian, for rejecting their advances, is quite common.

Must make them feel better about themselves to say so.

YouCantSpellAmericaWithoutErica · 17/07/2022 18:26

Sure. Think the very worst one was the bloke who grabbed me by the hair and slammed me face first into a fence. He was a friend up until that point.

Mostly just been called things like frigid or a slag (so 2 extremes). The same has already happened to my teenage daughter more times than she can count.

allieyen · 17/07/2022 18:26

DrManhattan · 17/07/2022 18:24

Yes

Guys in pubs chatting you up, paying you compliments then the moment you say you aren't interested they become awful. I honestly don't get it. Why do they do this? Very strange behaviour

Yes, I take immediate compliments as a red flag now. I think that's right?

Wouldloveanother · 17/07/2022 18:26

ClocksGoingBackwards · 17/07/2022 15:37

Yep. One gem that stands out in my mind is the bloke that told me I should be thankful he hadn’t raped me because he knew that he could 🙄

Bloody hell.

yes I have OP, several times. Usually get called a cunt/bitch or told why their advances ‘weren’t really advances, I read it wrong so jokes on me’ 🤨

Siameasy · 17/07/2022 18:27

Too many times to mention
One incident stands out. At a party there was a really beautiful girl and this guy was pursuing her. He was not attractive at all and she wasn’t interested and he turned really nasty. A load of the blokes had to deal with him and get him to leave

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