Would this upset you

[Jungledrinks]

i had plans with my partner to spend the afternoon together we had made plans to go somewhere this Saturday a month ago. On Thursday evening I’m laying down in bed feeling rubbish with a flare up and migraine on morphine he shouts out can I go out with my friend on Saturday and with out thinking I said yes. I then hop next door seconds later and say actually we have plans remember and he said well I’m going out now. I thought that it was rude seeing as he had made plans with me first and as I’ve not been feeling well this week was really looking forward to a nice day out as I haven’t been able to manage much else for the last 2 days. He then said I’m stopping him from seeing his friend he sees him twice a month for 2 whole days and could see him more if he wanted it wouldn’t bother me I’m more bothered by the fact he would cancel me for him last minute. He said he would be home by 10 but it’s now 11.45 I’m guessing he’s ok but I feel really let down by him I ended up dragging myself out to get some brunch on my own which was nice but not what I had planned for today.

Why are you taking morphine for a migraine?

I'm sorry, op, it seems his relationship with you doesn't seem to be a priority for him.

Actions speak louder than words. I'd be re-assessing the relationship in your shoes. I hope you're feeling a bit better 🌺

Not just for a migraine I have extreme endometriosis pain so I take it for that when I have a bad flare up. This is the first time he’s done something like this 2 years we have been together so I’m also a bit shocked as it’s the sort of thing my ex would do. He always made me his priority and really looked after me until now.

He always made me his priority and really looked after me until now

I don't know where to start really. YABVU

He also said that he dosnt want to be out for the day feeling guilty that I’m home alone in pain bored with no plans. I know my illness is a lot but I’m not the one making you feel guilty that’s on you. He asked me this when he left at 7 how I was feeling and if I was In pain I said I was but I would take my meds and hopefully feel better. He’s made me feel like I’m making him feel guilty

@NC12345665 he really has he’s picked me up and taking me to work all this week just so I don’t have to walk for ten minutes after my bus while feeling rubbish on Thursday when we got home he had put the aircon on and made the bed ready with my heat pack so I could have a nap after work and put a snack on the bed side table

He always made me his priority and really looked after me until now.
Are you a child?
You sound incredibly immature and manipulative. He shouldn't need your permission to go out and he's not your mother either.

Yanbu. When you quickly reminded him that he'd already agreed plans with you, he should have rearranged with his friend. You can be forgiven for not instantly remembering, with a migraine!

If he didn't go out until 7pm, why couldn't you have spent your planned afternoon together?

You’re in bed Unwell so probably assumed you wasn’t well enough to go out so asked you if he could go out and you said yes. I can’t see what the poor bloke has done wrong as you said he has looked after you all week What more do you want from him?

He left this morning for a club he teaches not this evening

I was well enough to go out for some food and he knew this I would of just hoped that he would have not made plans with me and then canceled last minute

He’s made me feel like I’m making him feel guilty

Umm, that's exactly what you've done!

You don't have kids do you? Why can't he go out in the morning and stay out? What's he actually doing wrong?

Why so snarky? Usually if a partner is ill, especially if it’s an ongoing illness, the other one will look after them. It’s not only parents who look after the ones they love.

FWIW I can see why you’re hurt OP. You instinctively said yes as you’d forgotten your plans - sounds like he had too. Make sure when you’re feeling better you spend some nice time together - if he doesn’t make you feel important then you’ll have to decide if he’s the right one for you.

RaspberryRippleTipple

Why are you taking morphine for a migraine?

Just wondered why this is relevant. Two members of my family have terrible migraines and are prescribed morphine.

OP, I had endometriosis so I sympathise. It's just awful.

However, It's been cleared up a long time and acupuncture was one of the treatments I went for. Just passing on the information.

@SunflowerGardens whats he done wrong he’s made plans with me over a month ago spoken about our plans many times and then last minute decided to cancel to go out with his mate instead

He always made me his priority and really looked after me until now

There's a limit to how long one person in a relationship can be the priority. If it's always been you, maybe he's just had enough? He probably thought you wouldn't be able for the plans you made (and if you had to "drag yourself out for brunch" it sounds like he was right...)

I don't think he's done anything wrong tbh.

He forgot you had plans, you were ill all week anyway, he asked if he could go - you said yes.
He's looked after you all week, you told him he could go, so you forgot your plans too - he's not really done anything wrong has he?
Give him a break.

Why did he do this? Did he forget about your plans and accept the friend's invitation then not want to back out? Even if this is the case, it's not your job to be the only one to remember your shared plans, especially when you're sick.

If he asked you to OK his plans to spend Saturday with the friend KNOWING he had plans with you then he didn't handle it fairly. He should have explained that something had come up with his friend and asked if you could shift your plans together to another day. I don't agree with other posters that it's reasonable for him to assume that if you felt bad on Thursday you'd still be too sick to go out Saturday, but if he did assume that he should have SAID "since you'll be too sick to go out on Saturday..."

The "you won't let me see my friend" stuff is manipulative; he can make plans to see his friend that don't conflict with an existing commitment he previously made. This is basic stuff, if he's older than about 14.

You were so ill you were in bed and on morphine and yet well enough to go out for some food?

I get you’re fed up, but you can’t have it both ways.

If you’re ill enough to need looking after all week, it’s reasonable for him to take a night off with a mate, while you’re in bed.

If you’re not that ill, stop malingering.

I'd let it go if it's the only time it's happened, particularly as you've been laid up in bed.
Partners don't always behave like selfless angels.