Would this upset you

[Jungledrinks]

i had plans with my partner to spend the afternoon together we had made plans to go somewhere this Saturday a month ago. On Thursday evening I’m laying down in bed feeling rubbish with a flare up and migraine on morphine he shouts out can I go out with my friend on Saturday and with out thinking I said yes. I then hop next door seconds later and say actually we have plans remember and he said well I’m going out now. I thought that it was rude seeing as he had made plans with me first and as I’ve not been feeling well this week was really looking forward to a nice day out as I haven’t been able to manage much else for the last 2 days. He then said I’m stopping him from seeing his friend he sees him twice a month for 2 whole days and could see him more if he wanted it wouldn’t bother me I’m more bothered by the fact he would cancel me for him last minute. He said he would be home by 10 but it’s now 11.45 I’m guessing he’s ok but I feel really let down by him I ended up dragging myself out to get some brunch on my own which was nice but not what I had planned for today.

maybe he’s getting fed up of looking after you

You forgot the plans too? There’s nothing to be upset about.

He always made me his priority and really looked after me until now.

Is he your parent or your boyfriend?

He didn’t cancel last minute. Be fair to him. He asked you, he didn’t tell you, he asked you, if it was OK to go out with his friends and you said “yes”.

Why does he have to ask permission to go out? Why did you hop? Who or what is next door, does he have his own house?

After ruminating, I see a red flag for him. Youbcan coerce someone to be your carer but not to live you. I hope you ate young enough to be able to feel better about yourself as you get older. I used to be a bit like this, it's liberating when you find someone you can feel safe with. But you won't until.you feel safe on your own, it's a catch 22.

Love obviously.

Usually if a partner is ill, especially if it’s an ongoing illness, the other one will look after them

if it’s an ongoing, long term condition some people just tend to get on with it and not let it impact the whole household, other people need a hand hold. Everyone is different.

Tbh, I think having looked after you all week it's not unreasonable that he's wanted to go out with his friend. So no, in answer to your thread title, it wouldn't upset me. I think it's strange that you're on here moaning about him when he sounds like a bloody saint!

If I had a new boyfriend and he dropped plans for something else then yes I would be concerned. However if me and my husband had said we are doing something a month earlier but then he or I get invited elsewhere, we would absolutely be flexible with our joint plans, because I assume we can replan those for another time. You didn’t mention that you had non refundable tickets for anything and you do call him your partner, so yes I think that you are therefore being unreasonable.

I don't think he's done anything wrong considering you both forgot about the plans and you'd been lying in bed dosed up on morphine so it's fair to assume you may be too unwell to do anything together.

What 'plans' did you have. Did you book tickets for an event or book a table at a restaurant etc.

If not and just had 'loose' plans for brunch then I don't think he was unreasonable.

If it's the former and you lost money or missed some type of event, then yes he is unreasonable.

It would upset me yes.

God these replies are brutal. I would be upset too OP. Hope you're feeling a bit better.

You've been so ill for days you haven't got out of bed, he asked if he could go out and* *you agreed.
He probably assumed you would be too unwell to go out with him so arranged an alternative option.
Also, the comment about being his priority and him looking after you until now, are you just a bit of a drama lama if you really think about it?
In my entire adult life I have never needed looking after by my partner (yes before anyone jumps on me, I have plenty of medical conditions of my own!) Maybe he's getting fed up of being at your beck and call?

Sounds like he thought the plans may not go ahead as you are unwell. Asked you if he could do something else and you said yes.

You need to get off the Internet if your comprehension skills are this bad.

This thread is so cruel !

I can see why your upset. He'd already made plans with you and then ditched you for a better offer. That's a rude thing to do to someone.

Mumsnet can be really strange sometimes.
Sorry you're getting such hostile responses.

If we have plans I can normally be well enough to go out I just have to make sure I’m on top of my meds etc I don’t try and let this ruin my life I work full time I make sure I spend time with my friends family and partner even if I am in some discomfort

Yes I forgot the plans for 5 seconds think I was just in the room next door so I shouted yes with out thinking about it. He came home last night telling me what a great time he had which honestly made me a bit jealous as my plans got cancelled by him I ended up just walking into town to get brunch alone as the flat was to hot to sit in. I did ask some friends to meet up for drinks but they already had plans.

She suffers from endo. Why are you being so nasty?

I would let this go, considering the circumstances and re arrange the plans you had with him for another time. Sounds like you both forgot and these things happen. If he’s good to you at all other times then this is not worth getting upset over.

I hope you feel better OP, I also suffer with migraines and they are awful.

Ignored/forgotten the plans they had for the afternoon.

Strange isn't it, considering the usual line is existing commitments come first when given a choice of invitations.