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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this upset you

62 replies

Jungledrinks · 16/07/2022 23:46

i had plans with my partner to spend the afternoon together we had made plans to go somewhere this Saturday a month ago. On Thursday evening I’m laying down in bed feeling rubbish with a flare up and migraine on morphine he shouts out can I go out with my friend on Saturday and with out thinking I said yes. I then hop next door seconds later and say actually we have plans remember and he said well I’m going out now. I thought that it was rude seeing as he had made plans with me first and as I’ve not been feeling well this week was really looking forward to a nice day out as I haven’t been able to manage much else for the last 2 days. He then said I’m stopping him from seeing his friend he sees him twice a month for 2 whole days and could see him more if he wanted it wouldn’t bother me I’m more bothered by the fact he would cancel me for him last minute. He said he would be home by 10 but it’s now 11.45 I’m guessing he’s ok but I feel really let down by him I ended up dragging myself out to get some brunch on my own which was nice but not what I had planned for today.

OP posts:

Belephant · 17/07/2022 08:16

I'm really shocked by how nasty a lot of these replies are!

Belephant · 17/07/2022 08:17

Wellthatsjustswell · 17/07/2022 06:27

Usually if a partner is ill, especially if it’s an ongoing illness, the other one will look after them

if it’s an ongoing, long term condition some people just tend to get on with it and not let it impact the whole household, other people need a hand hold. Everyone is different.

What a naive and cruel thing to say

Thisisit2022 · 17/07/2022 08:18

He looks after you with such care by the sounds of it. He's entitled to have a little break. YABU.

Sciurus83 · 17/07/2022 08:18

Galaxyrippleforever · 17/07/2022 07:43

This thread is so cruel !

Isn't it! I don't want to come over all "all this was fields" but JFC I'm sure there used to be some compassion in the snark.

stopthepain · 17/07/2022 09:00

HeddaGarbled · 17/07/2022 01:51

You were so ill you were in bed and on morphine and yet well enough to go out for some food?

I get you’re fed up, but you can’t have it both ways.

If you’re ill enough to need looking after all week, it’s reasonable for him to take a night off with a mate, while you’re in bed.

If you’re not that ill, stop malingering.

This is what I thought. I also have endometriosis and the pain (for me) is so excruciating that I can barely walk, let alone eat. Once the cramps have died down enough for me to walk, I try to get on with my day.

If I made plans to go out but I was struck with an endo attack then I would cancel my plans. OP is being unreasonable to expect her boyfriend to be her carer. He’s been caring for her all week and just wanted to see his friend for one night.

Krustykrabpizza · 17/07/2022 09:07

Weird replies on this thread. There is nothing to suggest he's never allowed to go out with his friends, but he already had plans with his girlfriend on this occasion!

Misstes · 17/07/2022 09:14

He spent all week looking after you. Why are you only concentrating on the bad thing, he asked you and you both forgot you had plans, these things happen. Hopefully the good stuff and care far out weigh the bad.

GreenManalishi · 17/07/2022 09:22

People are showing you what they want to do, he wanted to go out with his mate rather than hang out with you on Saturday. You can ask him the reason, it sounds to me as though he's pulled the stops out all week, driving you around, making up the bed so you can have naps, and putting snacks next to the bed... however there is a limit to his care, and he is not a nurse. Let him go and do his thing, and talk to him when he gets back about how things are for him at the mo, how he's feeling about your relationship and the division of the roles. A partner is not something you can just lock in and expect everything forever from. Check in with him.

Bananarama21 · 17/07/2022 09:28

If the sexes were reversed people would be telling your bf to run after a fairly short relationship..major red flags this bloke cared for you all week. You were ill enough to require morphine, my df is on morphine for his terminal cancer its a strong drug it, I wouldn't expect you to be fit enough to then be able to go out for lunch. He asked you then you said yes and suddenly changed your mind. I've been there giving up my time to be someone's carer at a young age, limiting what I could have being doing with people it wasn't fun and ended up being emotionally draining.

Galaxyrippleforever · 17/07/2022 09:30

Sciurus83 · 17/07/2022 08:18

Isn't it! I don't want to come over all "all this was fields" but JFC I'm sure there used to be some compassion in the snark.

Show quote history

Right ?!

ThreeLittleDots · 17/07/2022 10:01

He asked you then you said yes and suddenly changed your mind

No, this isn't what happened. Read OP's posts again.

To PPs, I think people are so desperate for an argument these days that all compassion (and reading comprehension) flies out of the window.

Original poster

Jungledrinks · 17/07/2022 13:16

We spoke this morning in the car he ended up saying well I couldn’t cancel on my friend after I had said yes to going out with him. So I said you won’t cancel on your friend after you made plans 2 seconds ago but you will on your girlfriend. We had a long chat he appologised. I said i don’t mind you seeing your friends I’ve never stopped you before and have changed plans to accommodate you seeing them but changing plans the night before and not even apologising or suggesting another day just saying your going and you won’t change it for me was a bit rude. Thank you for all who commented we both agreed to meet in the middle and make up it’s one thing and I’m ruining my day over it any more.

OP posts:

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