Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Denied Prom Tickets attendance

97 replies

Fantasticday74 · 15/07/2022 21:30

So I have seen a fair few cases where teens have been denied Prom Tickets for not meeting school criteria. Ok some it s fairly clear that the school may have been justified in making that decision. However there have been a few cases that to me feels wrong and of course this is only the cases who went to press etc
Teen 1 denied Prom Ticket due to poor attendance caused by Chrohns Disease.
Teen 2 denied Prom due to minor disruption caused by being ND. ADHD.
Numerous kids receiving Medical Needs Tuition but still on role at school not receiving an invite including DD.
I feel from groups I am on so many are penalised in this way.
So AIBU to think schools should take disability and Medical Conditions into account before denying kids their Prom.

OP posts:

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 15/07/2022 21:33

My dd's bff missed lots of school due to medical issues and she was at risk of missing out. Disgusting imo.
At our school they cut the day by an hour and stay backs were optional. They said at least 20 hours to qualify for a ticket. Dd dutifully stayed back adding a 45 min walk to her day as no bus on for the late finishers. Then they changed the 'rules' to actual school attendance. Dd had 91 %. and didn't qualify.
Eventually they handed out tickets for the 90%+ students..

Bunce1 · 15/07/2022 21:36

I think that’s discrimination and if you were to speak to the head and the governors and quote the equality act and the send code of pratise at them then I think they would think again.

disgraceful.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 15/07/2022 21:37

I often think there's more to these stories when I read them. Though taking them on face value it's awful.

itsgettingweird · 15/07/2022 21:39

There's always more.

I'm sure so,e times an odd kid slips through the net but ime most schools will resolve it if approached reasonably by a parent.

But then I also know there are absolute dire schools with no care in the world for common sense (I withdrew my autistic ds from one in year 7) so in some cases I so believe what's being said.

Irridescantshimmmer · 15/07/2022 21:39

The kid with Crohns disease should have a case as the school has failed to make reasonable adjustments for their condition.

This is appalling, school need to learn a lesson or two for this.

Blossomandbee · 15/07/2022 21:42

I think it's horrible to deny any of them their prom unless they've done something really awful. It's a one off event and something they won't experience again. Especially this cohort who have dealt with so much disruption through Covid too.

Bonjovispjs · 15/07/2022 21:43

That's disgusting and I'm so glad we didn't have to go through all this prom shit when I was at school.

Fairislefandango · 15/07/2022 21:43

I think that’s discrimination and if you were to speak to the head and the governors and quote the equality act and the send code of pratise at them then I think they would think again.

Or there is more behind their decision, that other people don't know about. What I wonder in these situations is how the people discussing them can be sure they actually know the full story. If it really is the full story, then obviously the schools are being unreasonable.

Original poster

Fantasticday74 · 15/07/2022 21:43

Thank you for replies. I think the one that got to me the most was the child with Chrohns. The mum is on a Forum I am on and I believe it to be genuine. The school concerned couldn't even be bothered to comment when approached.
My DD was under LA tutors but still on school role. No invite was received. I would have fought but sadly she wasn't really well enough to attend anyway and thankfully wasn't bothered

OP posts:

ChiselandBits · 15/07/2022 21:45

I pretty much always assume there's more to it. On the rare occasions I have known about a news story from the inside, what is reported bears v little resemblance to the truth or whole story.

Blossomandbee · 15/07/2022 22:03

I can believe it though, my DS's school issued a list at the start of the year of various conditions they had to stick to in order to have the 'privilege' of attending the prom. Amongst them was attendance, house points, behaviour warnings etc.

WitchWithoutChips · 15/07/2022 22:05

Are you aware of the full details of each case?

Mariposista · 15/07/2022 22:05

The Chrohns story is very sad, especially with how hard it is navigating life with this horrible condition. Going to prom would need such careful planning to manage it but it would be such a highlight and a chance to feel like all the others. The school should have taken the doctors notes into account and made an exception.

ExtraOnion · 15/07/2022 22:15

My daughter didn’t get an invite ..

She’s just been diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism, and has been unable to go into school due to anxiety and depression (brought on by her not bring diagnosed)

When she was in school she worked and was well behaved.

She had a mental health crisis after lockdown, and we needed to spend time getting her well.

School did not notice that she had ASD, in all the time she was there. CAMHS spotted it, who we went to see about Anxiety.

She is currently being assessed for an EHCP, I spoke to the Ed Psych the other day, who said it was an “enormous failing” that she entered the school being estimated as grades 7-9 .. and now we will be lucky if she leaves with one.

She is going to college, and I have had more support from the High Needs Coordinator at her new college, than I had from the SENCO at high school.

That high school failed her .. yet, they think it’s ok to stop get going to prom - arseholes

LMB0716 · 15/07/2022 22:15

My son wasn’t allowed to go to prom. He has a medical condition that involves 1 full day off school every 4-6 weeks for a hospital appointment. Every time I have handed in a hospital letter to the school. I approached the school about it and they stated that although the letters made the absences authorised, they are still in fact absences, so bring his overall attendance to less than the permitted percentage for prom. So he couldn’t go.

Morph22010 · 15/07/2022 22:16

Fantasticday74 · 15/07/2022 21:43

ive seen the mum of the crohns girl post on fb group I’m on, wondering if it’s the same one you are referring to? Fish?If so then the fb group is for attendance issues so I’m guessing there was already some dispute with the school about her attendance. Not that it makes it right but it’s not simply a case where the school was authorising time off and then decided she couldn’t go to prom, the school just sounds generally crap all round with recognising time off for medical needs and this was just an extension of how bad they’ve always been

Morph22010 · 15/07/2022 22:16

** Nfis not fish dam autocorrect

Original poster

Fantasticday74 · 15/07/2022 23:05

Yep NFIS. @ExtraOnion sounds like my DD too.

OP posts:

EnidSpyton · 15/07/2022 23:07

As a (former) secondary teacher, I think the only acceptable reason to deny a child attendance to a celebratory event like a prom is if their attendance will cause harm to another pupil.

I don't understand why attendance is increasingly being used as a stick to beat children with. It literally does nothing to improve attendance because kids can't help being ill and those who are persistently absent are usually persistently absent for reasons that aren't going to be solved by threatening them with non attendance at prom.

These sorts of policies tend to be in place at hideous multi academy trust schools where young, stupid nonentities who come into teaching purely for the pleasure of wielding power over others are rife in leadership positions. They're not experienced or intelligent enough to understand the nuances behind persistent absence, and their 'one rule for everyone' approach means that there's no room for exceptions - even when that amounts to disability discrimination.

This is why so many of us are leaving the profession, because the people managing us are like this.

ThinWomansBrain · 15/07/2022 23:16

You'd be surprised how much of this I read under the misapprehensi'''pon that it was about schools taking parties of pupils to the Proms.🙄

MystikSpiral · 15/07/2022 23:19

It doesn't surprise me at all. My experience of secondary schools has taught me they don't give a shit about disability discrimination and the Equality Act.
It is about time parents got together and actually persued a claim for DD against some of these schools, it might make them realise their legal responsibilities 🤔

ComDummings · 15/07/2022 23:28

I don’t understand banning kids from proms apart from serious issues - like violence or something. I left school in the 00s and everyone came to prom, nobody was excluded.

endofagain · 15/07/2022 23:34

No wonder there is so much bullying in schools. It comes from the top down.

Original poster

Fantasticday74 · 16/07/2022 08:04

@EnidSpyton Great post. Thank you. I agree this is down to Leadership.

OP posts:

PreggieGoldilocks86 · 16/07/2022 08:06

Denying a social event to a teen due to uncontrollable medical issues seems really unfair, but perhaps there is more to each story

Flip

1 2 3 4