Denied Prom Tickets attendance

[Fantasticday74]

So I have seen a fair few cases where teens have been denied Prom Tickets for not meeting school criteria. Ok some it s fairly clear that the school may have been justified in making that decision. However there have been a few cases that to me feels wrong and of course this is only the cases who went to press etc
Teen 1 denied Prom Ticket due to poor attendance caused by Chrohns Disease.
Teen 2 denied Prom due to minor disruption caused by being ND. ADHD.
Numerous kids receiving Medical Needs Tuition but still on role at school not receiving an invite including DD.
I feel from groups I am on so many are penalised in this way.
So AIBU to think schools should take disability and Medical Conditions into account before denying kids their Prom.

The posters whose automatic response to any form of bigotry is to primly shout "we don't know the full story" need to give their head a wobble

Trouble is, nobody can know if it is bigotry, racism, ableism or whatever without proper details - unless you're suggesting "Waahhh, s'not faaaiiirrr" should be enough, and schools aren't going to go for that when they know better than most the self-editing that goes on

I am not remotely surprised to see a link to the Manchester Evening News on this thread. What used to be an excellent local paper is now part of Reach plc (formerly Trinity Mirror), who are absolutely obsessed with this kind of story. Does no-one consider the ethics of printing the name and photograph of a child in these situations simply to generate clicks and mocking comments? Sadly the days when going to the press was a powerful way of seeking justice are over.

the discrimination starts in primary with the awards for attendance bollocks.
Ofsted should downgrade any school that still uses attendance to basically mock children for having health conditions.

Imagine If these children were treated like this in the workplace as adults, their bosses would rightfully be handed their arses on a plate.

I totally agree @ihatethefuckingmuffin

I'm in Scotland, and my youngest daughter didn't have fantastic attendance due to various health issues. She went to Prom. The only people who were excluded from Prom were pupils who had been excluded for serious reasons ie a danger to themselves and others. Basically 99% of pupils went.

It really is being used as a stick to beat kids with. Kids ( particularly girls) have sorted out outfits etc, and I think it's frickin mean for power crazed heads to decide that Kids aren't going for stupid reasons.

There was a Prom committee when my girls were at school, and the kids pretty much organised it themselves with assistance from Parent Council and some teachers. Much more sensible. Maybe though it should just be organised outside school completely 🤔

I once had this decision put to me. Girl’s mum had already bought the outfit and other prom paraphernalia. I put a lot of thought into it and decided that I’d recommend she didn’t go. If we’d have they get go we would have missed an opportunity to teach her a valuable life lesson. In her case, she was a very nasty bully and had done zero work all year.
I’ve never known kids excluded from
prom for health related poor attendance. It probably does go on though and that’s certainly wrong.

I don't think prom is a fair carrot to dangle, absence management and behaviour management should be consistent- invariably there will be many swept up in the arbitrary markers who don't deserve to be.

What did the school do to manage her bullying of others? What lesson do you think this taught her in reality?

I think all students should be allowed to attend their prom. Then only exception should be if they’ve done something really awful.

We wouldn't punish adults who can't go to work due to health or poor mental health.

You’ve never heard of the Bradford scale then. (Not to be confused with the Bristol chart although it could be argued they’re both shit. 😂)

It's weird that there is such a sense of disbelief and "oh there must be more to this" from some posters. Society treats people with disabilities so badly. People with illness and disabilities are left in poverty, treated like an underclass every single day. Why do posters think this would be any different in school?

As a mother of a child with inflammatory bowel disease, ( includes Crohns and ulcerative colitis) If a child is able to attend school 50% of the time in their first year of diagnosis they are doing very well indeed. In his final YEAR of school my son attended for 7 school days, that’s all he was physically able to. This is a horrific horrific disease that can have devastating consequences for kids. To penalise a child for non attendance due to ill health is not only discrimination it’s frankly disgusting and ignorant. It’s hard enough what these kids have to deal with without lack of support from schools.

I would prefer that there were no Proms at all. If there are, it should only be behaviour that excludes a child from attending.

You think it’s weird to want to hear both sides of a story?

WitchWithoutChips that isn't what I said. We're used to only having one side on mumsnet as posts are written from one person's point of view. Usually posters respond to the one sided post because otherwise nothing would ever be discussed. Posters usually go along with that point of view and respond within that context. There aren't normally so many cries of disbelief which I thought is interesting because it reflects the reality of people with illnesses and disabilities.

What I mean is let's say someone posts about their partner, we provide responses within the context of the post. There wouldn't usually be such a high number of posters saying "I'd like to hear his side" because that isn't the nature of a forum. We're not in court we only have the posters viewpoint on which to base our response.

My autistic daughter was told she couldn’t go on an activities week trip we had paid for (!) because of what they called excessive absence when she had spent 10 days sick in hospital in third term and a few days in term 2 for covid (when isolation was still a thing, mostly covered by half term holiday). I kicked up a fuss and they eventually relented but it took talk of discrimination and mentioning specific parts of legislation for them to agree.

"What did the school do to manage her bullying of others? What lesson do you think this taught her in reality?"

That her actions have consequences. That her victims have been protected and can enjoy at least one evening without her presence. That she should have engaged with the steps put in place throughout the year to manage her behaviour. That school staff don't always have to tolerate her awful behaviour, which may in itself come as a bit of a shock. That teachers don't have to give up their free time to supervise her at an event.

This

Well said. As I said at the time, I think to have allowed her to go would have sent the wrong message entirely. I hope it taught her a life lesson that she wasn’t always going to get the pleasures in life if she didn’t work hard. Apart from the bullying, she had clear targets to meet throughout the year ( attend revision sessions, complete coursework, hand homework on time…) which she systematically ignored and didn’t bother with. The bullying was sneaky and mean. I specifically remember her sniggering and laughing at another boy in the class with cerebral palsy. I’m pretty sure if she’d have gone to prom she’d have also made fun of him there and ruined his evening.

Whilst the school definitely have a responsibility to tackle bullying/the bullies, the person with the ultimate responsibility for what they have done is the bully. There is an issue with always shifting responsibility for their actions (or inaction- such as not doing coursework) away from young people onto someone (anyone) else. We aren’t doing them any favours by doing that, just creating problems for them and for those who have to have any dealings with them.

In reality, this might have shown this young person that her poor behaviour was not acceptable, that what she did not go unnoticed and that her wrong-doing to others was openly acknowledged. It might have shown her that actions have consequences that others don’t have to put up with poor behaviour (why should teachers give up their spare time planning and/or supervising something like prom for those children who behave badly).

Of course, she won’t have learnt anything at all if the important adults around her (I.e. parents/guardians) make excuses for her behaviour, blame the school and anyone/everyone else other than her and suggest that she had a right to attend this event, regardless of her behaviour because she is entitled to get what she wants in every circumstance.

I’d also point out that it means that her victim(s) get to attend the prom without the presence of the person who has been bullying them, which is surely the fairest outcome for these pupils?

All of which is totally different to schools applying attendance criteria to children whose attendance is low due to a medical condition or disability- allowances can and should be made for genuine reasons for not reaching the criteria for attendance.

It’s ofsted that encourage it! My sons school was always fairly relaxed about attendance and I don’t think their attendance stats were particularly bad ofsted inspection so they won’t doing enough to promote attendance then they started handing out weekly prizes for best class attendance etc