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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want bills to be split 60/40

81 replies

Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:12

Mine and and my husband's finances are all over the place. I pay for child care and food he pays for mortgage and bills. My family expenses are a little more that his.

I don't want us to have a joint account that we both just use because we have different spending habits. But I do want us to have a fair way of contributing to the household bills.

We have a joint account which I'm going to suggest all bills come out of. Let's say the family bill comes to £2000 per month.

I work 20 hours and the rest of my weeks is taken up with childcare we have 2 children. He works 40 hours a week.

Roughly our pro rata is the same. He earns £34,000 I earn £28000 per year actually not prorata.

I think he should pay £1200 and I pay £800 according to the ratio of what we both work rather than what we earn. Does that seem fair?

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 15/07/2022 13:17

No, it should be on what You earn

Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:26

Well if it's off wheat we earn then the bill splice would be 55/45 rather than 60/40. So not much in it.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2022 13:26

Look at your after tax salaries to decide the split. Make sure you include extra for annual and irregular joint expenses like insurance, Christmas, holidays, white goods replacement. Perhaps put some of this into a savings account. Agree that you don't spend on personal items out of the joint account.

Also take account of any unavoidable expenses that either of you have such as commuting costs or if one of you (eg you) spend more on DC because you take them to places during the week.

The eventual aim should be roughly similar amounts leftover for personal spending money, or to save as you wish.

What does your DH think about how you share finances?

newbiename · 15/07/2022 13:26

It should be based on what you earn.

ShirleyPhallus · 15/07/2022 13:29

It should be what you earn

But am I reading this right - you earn £28k actual not pro rata for 20 hours a week and be earns £34k for 40 hours a week?

Have you considered flipping it to work full time and he does more childcare?

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2022 13:29

Or you could put all income into a joint account, which is to pay joint/family expenses but not personal ones, and then you each get an amount in a personal account for your own spending/savings.

Then you don't have to worry so much about the percentages if this is something you can't agree on and you both have equal spending money.

Lazypuppy · 15/07/2022 13:30

Based on what you earn definitely, so he earns 55% he pays for 55% of the bills, and 45% for you.

I would do all joint bills from that account plus maybe account for a couple of hundred extra buffer if you can

luxxlisbon · 15/07/2022 13:30

Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:26

Well if it's off wheat we earn then the bill splice would be 55/45 rather than 60/40. So not much in it.

Then just make it 55/45. If that’s the ratio of earnings and you both want separate finances then it’s the fairest split.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/07/2022 13:34

I actually think what you are suggesting is fair. It takes into account the value of the childcare and housework that you do

Definitely have a joint account for bills. Women need to show a history of mortgage or rent payments rather than childcare in case you split. That’s what banks and future landlords want to see.

MsJuniper · 15/07/2022 13:37

We work on the basis of having an equal amount of spending money each after all bills and savings.

Hont1986 · 15/07/2022 13:42

If he earns £34,000 for 40 hours, and you could earn £56,000 for 40 hours, why don't you work full time and he drops his hours to do childcare?

RandomMess · 15/07/2022 13:42

Are you making additional pension contributions to make up for the fact you work P/T - that is a joint expense if you looking after the DC.

Meraas · 15/07/2022 13:44

RandomMess · 15/07/2022 13:42

Are you making additional pension contributions to make up for the fact you work P/T - that is a joint expense if you looking after the DC.

execellent point.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2022 13:46

Full time for the OP isn't necessarily 40 hours pw and she also needs to be careful that she doesn't earn much above £50k after pension contributions as they'll lose some of their child benefit, but the suggestion that she as the higher earner does more hours and DH works PT to do more childcare and other stuff at home could be a good one.

Circumferences · 15/07/2022 13:46

You could take home £50-60K full time then?
I also think your DH should do more SAHD hours then you wouldn't be worrying so much about bills, you'd also be in a better position to decide for both of you who pays what.

Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:47

I want to work part time he wants to work full time.

He thinks we should keep it as it is but then me ask him for money for stuff for the kids when I need it. That is clearly not fair!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:54

You could take home £50-60K full time then? No I'm self employed, I'm working at maximum earning capacity but it just takes me 20 hours a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soggycrisps · 15/07/2022 13:57

Thanks for all your replies I appreciate every one of them.

I'm scared to talk to him about it as he gets heated.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 13:58

I will never, ever understand threads like this.
You both make sure all expenses are paid, contribute equally time wise (paid or unpaid) to family life each week, and you both get the same spending money each month.

How you achieve that is up to you, but this divvying up to the tune of a couple hundred quid per month when you are married with a kid is just mealy-mouthed, penny pinching.

Honestly.

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 13:59

And that isn’t saying that’s what you’re doing OP. Clearly if you’re scared to speak to him about it, he’s a big part of this problem.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/07/2022 14:01

I agree that this is about more than money.

He makes you ask for money when you need it to buy things for your joint DC and gets 'heated' when you say you want to share money more fairly in your relationship?

That's not right.

Pipsquiggle · 15/07/2022 14:02

It actually sounds you are pretty close to sorting this out.

You want to do 60/40 (which would include children centred activities you would do)
He says 55/45 and he'll bung you extra cash.

What's the differential between these figures? Maybe meet half way?

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 14:03

MsJuniper · 15/07/2022 13:37

We work on the basis of having an equal amount of spending money each after all bills and savings.

This! I fault to see how any other way is reasonable tbh.

My DH earns way more than me right now, but I am part-time for various reasons including the sheer amount of time and life admine that goes into raising our children.

He has never even considered this a problem. Would cost him a lot more if I wasn’t here, that’s for sure.

Reallybadidea · 15/07/2022 14:09

Quincythequince · 15/07/2022 13:58

I will never, ever understand threads like this.
You both make sure all expenses are paid, contribute equally time wise (paid or unpaid) to family life each week, and you both get the same spending money each month.

How you achieve that is up to you, but this divvying up to the tune of a couple hundred quid per month when you are married with a kid is just mealy-mouthed, penny pinching.

Honestly.

I agree. I can't imagine being married and sitting down and doing some complicated calculation about who earns what, who deserves what. We're a partnership and both striving to support each other and our family the best we can.

Tessasanderson · 15/07/2022 14:09

Sounds like you are not being fair to him.

You earn £28k for the family
He earns £34k for the family

You 'enable' him to earn that £34k for the family by taking on the childcare. You are in a lovely position of not having to work full time to earn a good income.

Why over complicate it. Put it all in one account. Work out what ALL regular the household outgoings are that you know of and set up a standing order of this amount plus a little bit more from the family account into a bills account (Just so there is a bit of surplus).

Whatever is left is divided between a savings account payment and you and your partner.

Household bills covered, savings covered and DH & DW equal split. Everyone happy